Has anyone here been dumped because THEY screwed up?

[Scout]

Hi fellow eNotaloners...don't let the title of my post confuse you. I'm honestly curious, not being sarcastic. I've been coming here for close to three years and the majority of posters who have been dumped had exes who did not treat them well.

 

But what about those of us who really messed up...who didn't treat our exes as well as they treated us, and even though our ex loved us a great deal, they just couldn't handle anymore what we were putting them through.

 

If anyone can share any stories along these lines, I'd love to hear them. Also, did your ex forgive you and take you back? Did you "let them go" because you knew you didn't deserve them? Did NC help to get them back if you did this?

[nottoogreen]

Yes, in my darkest times, I was in 3 concurrent relationships. Them knew about each other and were in different countries.

 

Lets call them #1,#2 and #3

 

I rushed into relationship and marriage with #1 (24) '94 over my failed first marriage to my first love after she became a monk following her inability to have children.

 

The family of #1 cheated money and by '95 or '96 #1 played boys and got pregnant from a fling in '97.

 

Also in '97 I had #2 (27), she got pregnant from me (without asking) about the same time as #1 with her fling.

 

By '99 I was bored with #2 and had #3 (22) - no kids though.

 

'01 #3 dumped me as I was not committing to her.

 

'03 #1 dumped me.

 

Between '03 and earlier this year #2 dumped me about yearly but returned within a month or two.

 

 

[lonely days]

Yes, After 5 years of battling depression and doing drugs without seeking any help my ex girlfriend slowly but surely fell out of love with me and all my B.S. No we haven't got back together but I have sought help for all that has ailed me and it's starting to feel like it all happened so I could realise my mistakes and improve as an individual. I feel really bad for some of the thngs I put her through and would love the opportunity to show her who I reall am. The only thing that she could/should have done differently was speak to me about what was bothering her and maybe it would not have ended the way it did.

[crvers]

Interesting post.

 

Where did all the screwing up start. I don't think I realized what I was doing wrong until the relationship had a coronary heart attack.

 

Took the relationship and the ex for granted. Began being volatile and obnoxious towards her. Then pulled away once I became confused about the her and where our life was leading. To throw into the mix I also came down with a not so good case of "grass is greener" syndrome. Began flirting with other girls while the ex became depressed about us.

 

Eventually was caught fliriting on msn with another girl. And the ex, not being happy, decided she should move out. Then a couple weeks after she did, the "grass is greener" girl emails me a somewhat, based on whose reading it, incriminating letter which sounded worse than it was. I reply. Then ex reads both on my email. Basically thinks I cheated on her and decided she can't trust me anymore.

 

And, as Scout knows so well, we have not gotten back together. I do not condone my actions, and at one point hated myself incredibly for them. Through much thought and help from others, thanks ena, and NC I have been able to mature and realize my mistakes and the consquences of them. I may have screwed this one up, but in doing so I have made myself a better man for the future. I didn't believe in NC when I became apart of this forum, but now realize its the best thing to do when the heart is controlling the mind.

[Confusedgayguy]

Yes, I had two breakups with my ex, within 2 weeks of eachother. I was dumped both times.

 

The first because I told him I was depressed about the relationship (in retrospect I wasn't all that depressed but kind of wanted attention).

 

The second time because I created a fake profile online to see if he was cheating, to which he responded to it and acted in a manner like he was cheating, I then exploded on him and insulted him profusely. I am very regretful that I stooped to name calling, etc. So he dumped me.

 

He forgave me but said the relationship was irrevocably damaged.

[mamy123]

I'm going through a break up right now. My ex thinks I'm insecure and needy, and won't be "ok" when he has to travel for work. The last few months of our relationship I definitely came accross this way! I'm not normally like that, there were a lot of things going on in my life I couldn't deal with. I FELT him pull away, and of course I pushed. I demanded more and more from him, and he pulled away and became reluctant to give.

 

But the good news is we're talking again. Convos have been going great and he's even showed interest in taking me out sometime soon. When I casually, if that's possible, brought up reconciling he said "I don't know, let me think about it." At least it's not NO, PSYCHO!!

[pablovblack]

My story is quite like CRVRS, I too got to the point where I thought the grees is green and began to neglect the relationship to a point where I thought I could handle being without her, of course I couldn't after a few days because I realised then ho wmuch she meant to me. I also took her for granted and after a while she had, had enough. Its been 3 months she hasnt contacted me and I dont think for one moment that she will.

I love her more now because I understand her, which is kind of ironic.

 

Oh well.. gotta keep on keeping on.

[need2bme]

I think that in every sitch, if we looked back, we can give the other; at least part of the blame.

 

My breakup was mostly me. Very depressed and Very much not liking myself. I put everything I thought I needed or wanted, on her shoulders to give it to me. I was needy, as well.

 

Now, what is strange, is that I was not like that when the relationship started. She withdrew a little. That is why I can say that she is partly to blame.

[yeawutever]

Damn that sure must be overwhelimg but at the same time if you really messed up big time, then you're opening them the doors for them to be free form you, free from an unhealthy relation. It's obvious that if you don't appreciate your partner, then don't expect them to be your doormats.

[sacred cow]

I was dating this girl and got dumped for not treating her right, for disrespecting her during her grandfather's wake, for being a pervert and for being a wussy. Too bad I screwed up on the greatest girl I've ever met, and now she's dating my friend only a week after she dumped me. I'd get to see them at school everyday...damn, it would really serve a very painful lesson to me and all but at least I became a better person and know what not to do next time, it's just a shame that I let a really good catch get away and also ruined our friendship which was most important to me

[crvers]

I hope everyone on this post, although you may have screwed up, may not totally be at fault for the destruction of the relationship.

 

We can all say what we did wrong because during this time of hurt we reflect on everything that we caused. But don't forget that even though we made mistakes, there must have been reasons why they occurred. Maybe you were also being taken for granted, maybe there were characteristic flaws that eventually began to push you away, and maybe they really weren't the true "one" for you.

 

Its easy to say after the fact how utterly great our ex's were. I'm not saying they aren't good people, okay maybe some weren't, but you can't always take all the blame on your shoulders.

 

Some of us may have had some self destructive nature, or too immature, or maybe didn't understand the concept of a relationship. Maybe this was your fate. The path your soul chose for you to take. Maybe this day was the day you were supposed to learn some truths about yourself. And hopefully we all have. Dont beat yourself up too long, because if you do you may end up missing the one who the point of this lesson was supposed to be for.

 

 

ps. Good to know everyone can accept their shortcomings, just make sure you take the time to learn from them.

[yeawutever]

The important thing is that after messing up badly you learn and avoid doing the same mistake again in the future. That's called living and learning.

[sweetsmile70]

Well, I feel that I caused the breakup at the end. we didnt want the same things in life and instead of breaking up and leave him, I continued to be with him for several years but started to look for other guys, met his best friends behind his back, not being nice to his child, being a pain in the * * *.....I really hate myself for being such a bad person just because I didnt feel loved and didnt get what I wanted out of the relationship. Finally he broke up with me, because he was hurt. He doesnt want anything to do with me and we will never get back together. I dont even want him back since I have someone new, but I still dont feel good about the fact that he broke up with me because of the bad way I treated him. I dont feel good about it, while he felt great when he made up his mind never to have anything more to do with a crazy woman like me again. I would feel alot better if I could rest as a good memory in his life.