How to keep him interested?

[xcountryprincess]

I met a guy a about two weeks ago and we've been talking since this past thursday. First it was email, then it progressed to AIM, i've talked to him on the phone once and for the last two days we've been texting. We normally (well for the last 5 days we've been talking) talk every night (we can't talk during the day because he works then goes to football practice).

 

Last night we didn't so i texted him this morning (which he did to me yesterday) but he sounded kind of bored, his responses were a little blunter than usual. I have a feeling we've been talking a lot (everyday), and i know that he likes me, he's said so in so many words, i just feel like we've been talking to often. Am i correct in thinking this? I don't want him to think i'm losing intrest (then again maybe i do, lol). I'm thinking i won't contact him again till he calls or messages me.

 

But what after that, talk every other day, every three days. I think we got so carried away wanting to get to know eachother that we talked incredibly frequently. We've had conversations about our parents and how our fathers left , conversations that are normally left i would think for when you're actually in a relationship. I'm just confused as to what to do in the situation.

[Batya33]

I think it's crucial - if you want any kind of romantic relationship with him - that you cut way down on the typing/talking so that he is forced - if he is interested - to ask you out on a proper date that he plans in advance and spend time with you in person. You will only learn whether you click in real life for a relationship by spending consistent in person time. Right now you are wayyy too available for him - all he has to do is type to you or click on a window and he has your full attention. He doesn't have to put in effort and you are telling all in the name of "openness and honesty." I say - in the name of your great worth and confidence, you hold back until he earns the right to know all this and to have all this attention from you.

 

He earns it by calling you, asking you out on a date he plans in advance and then taking you on the date and showing sincere interest in you. You in turn should show up, look nice and be appreciative of his efforts. This is not about playing a game - it is about making sure you show him that your time is valuable, that you are not an open book to just anyone, etc. So at this point, slow down and tell him very nicely - that you love talking to him on the computer but you are busy and would prefer to spend your free time with him in person, so if he wants to see you again, you'd be happy to make some plans to do so.

 

Then if he doesn't ask you out, keep your responses to his IM's polite but short - and sign off if need be so that he must take steps to spend time with you that involve effort on his part.

[Scout]

I really have nothing to add to this. It's excellent advice, word for word. And keep in mind, Batya is giving this from the male perspective!

[xcountryprincess]

That does sound like amazing advice, i'm just worried i've kind of killed my chances, he seems like an awesome guy. Say he asks me what i'm doing for the day, do i stay vauge, something like " plans with friends", "not too sure yet" I know i had his intrest originally, if i'm pretty much unavailable from now on, will i probably keep it.

[Batya33]

First of all my advice is from the female perspective because I am one ;-).

 

If he asks you what you are doing that day certainly you can tell him. It doesn't matter - you know why? Because he doesn't get to see you by asking you out last minute. He gets to see you if and only if he calls you and asks you out at least a few days in advance and if you are not already busy, you accept.

 

Also, if you decide that my advice makes sense, he won't have much of a chance to keep tabs on you because until he starts asking you out regularly, in advance, he won't get to chat with you much at all. But remember, make it clear in this way "I really enjoy our "chats" so much but my work/social life is getting a little too busy for me to be available on the computer as often. I'd rather see you in person and if that makes sense to you, let me know when you're free and we'll find a time when we're both available."

 

Something like that - he doesn't deserve a blow by blow of what you do every day and you are not there to train him on how to be a gentleman and court a lady. If he is truly interested he will either figure it out on his own or ask someone how best to get your attention and get to spend time with you.

 

Where you went a little wrong in my opinion is in thinking that getting to know someone for a potential romantic relationship involves spilling your guts about "deep" things right off the bat and being available 24/7 to talk to the person. Most people like a little challenge, a little intrigue, and a little space to get to know someone. He was fascinated at first as most people are when they first meet someone they are attracted to but now that you are basically at his beck and call and so "nice" to him the challenge is gone and he doesn't feel like he had to do much of anything to get your attention. This doesn't make him a bad guy, just human. And - many men - not all! - are visual - so that if they don't get to see you in person, you don't make as much of an impression or motivate them to spend more time with you.