So She Text Me...

[NCTuskie]

...Last night, but I didn't get it until this morning.

 

She said, "can you check you truck for my tennis shoes. I will have to buy a new pair. I have stress fractures in my heel" (in text message language). This is the first real communication I've gotten from her in two weeks.

 

Firstly, she's been at AIT training for exactly a month now, and she should have figured out by now where her tennis shoes are. Secondly, in addition to some stuff she requested the week before she broke up with me, I sent her everything she left in my vehicle (more or less I would have told her weeks ago whether she left anything I thought she'd need in my car). Thirdly her text message was pretty pointless because she gave the solution to her own problem, so why send me a text to begin with?

 

My first reaction was to give a simple reply "No", "They're not here", etc and leave it at that. Thats what I would have done before reading this site, but now I'm inclined not to and stick to NC. I just want to make sure that by not replying would not be percieved as rude... just incase she "really" thinks that her stuff is in my car.

[rnorth]

She probably used the tennis shoes as an excuse to get in touch with you.

 

Just answer honestly and courteously. If she wants to leave it open-ended she will.

[Meow18]

I don't think you should reply. You gave her everything she requested back. And nothing of hers is in your car.

 

Besides, by now she probably already bought new ones..

 

You don't need to worry about whether it's rude or polite. You are just doing what you need to do to get over her. You have to be "selfish" right now. Stick to it.

[iceman85]

Yes it may be an excuse to get you to respond or it may not. Either way I wouldnt respond for now and just see what happens.

[mikeywins21]

I also agree, most people would say it may not be an excuse but I think it is, the excuses to contact an ex are usually pretty lame. I once had an ex call me and say "You know about computer right cuz mines not working, I had a problem with it before, anyway how have you been?" it's like "Did you write this down before you called me???"

[NCTuskie]

I'm glad I didn't send a text back. But I do think that at some point we'll have to talk within the next month. I've got a pending deployment, and she'll be graduating AIT and getting her first assignment. On top of that I think she'll want to reconcile before then (not necessarily get back together, but want to talk about it).

 

At the moment I don't want to give in.

[keefy1972]

I wouldn't consider sending a reply saying, "no they aren't here. Sorry to hear about your aches. ouch." to be giving in. That is just being cordial.

 

I know the whole NC concept and agree with it to an extent, however, she did ask you a direct question. Not answering is kind of rude. If it were a vague comment, that's one thing, but what she sent is asking for a response. Just my two cents.

[Meow18]

I'm glad I didn't send a text back. But I do think that at some point we'll have to talk within the next month. I've got a pending deployment, and she'll be graduating AIT and getting her first assignment. On top of that I think she'll want to reconcile before then (not necessarily get back together, but want to talk about it).

 

At the moment I don't want to give in.

 

Well, there's always the chance that one day you will be able to talk to her, and maybe even be friends. But for right now, you know that you need the no contact.

 

When that time comes where she wants to talk about reconciling, then you can decide at that time what you want and what you need. Right now you just know that it's not the time.

[NCTuskie]

I wouldn't consider sending a reply saying, "no they aren't here. Sorry to hear about your aches. ouch." to be giving in. That is just being cordial.

 

I know the whole NC concept and agree with it to an extent, however, she did ask you a direct question. Not answering is kind of rude. If it were a vague comment, that's one thing, but what she sent is asking for a response. Just my two cents.

 

 

This is actually the direction I was looking for. It wasn't like she was asking an open ended question like "hey whats up", but on the other hand the question she asked seems too transparent to me.

 

I didn't want politeness to be confused with something else.

[Meow18]

This is actually the direction I was looking for. It wasn't like she was asking an open ended question like "hey whats up", but on the other hand the question she asked seems too transparent to me.

 

I didn't want politeness to be confused with something else.

 

Like I said before, you don't need to worry about whether you are being polite or rude. I mean, unless you are doing something horribly mean, then you shouldn't worry about it. It should be understandable to her as to why you don't want any kind of contact with her.

[NCTuskie]

I think I'm going to leave it alone for the moment. If she text me in a day or two about the same situation, then I'll say something... act like I never got the text in the first place.

[NCTuskie]

Irregardless, I think she just wanted to get in touch with me...and not about shoes... The real reason why?... only she knows... But I think the ball is in my court to make the next move. I sure do not want to be the eager beaver and contact her right back, but I'm gonna hog the ball for a while.

[NCTuskie]

I text her back a few days later and said, "I looked and I don't have them." Left it at that. She replied, "Ok". Not really sure if thats what she was expecting or not, but everyone told me I did the right thing for now.

 

Question is, if she's playing games do I keep playing? Or at what point do I stop, and say "just call me and tell me whats on your mind?"

[backinlife]

Question is, if she's playing games do I keep playing? Or at what point do I stop, and say "just call me and tell me whats on your mind?"

 

She would if she could i suppose... If she doesn't she might not want to, or not be sure enough. Don't tell her that. You are not playing, she is. You were clear and now its on her. She asked for stinky tennis shoes, take it for what it is. I know it feels wrong, and i know you feel that she tries to make contact to open the door. But if she wants to open the door, she needs to touch the handle, pull it down and OPEN it. Knocking is not enough for you to open it.

 

Don't sell out. I think you did the right thing.

 

Mona

[JohnnyTable]

This is an interesting situation. After 7 weeks of me not contacting my ex (she would email me from time to time) I got a call from my ex along the lines of:

 

"Sorry to be calling you, but I remember that I left a hairdryer over at your place. You also left a towel and a few other things at my place. The hairdryer blew and I don't have funds to get a new one, so I was wondering if we could exchange. You don't have to see me or anything, so I'm open to suggestions."

 

I found this a little fishy. Last week she contacted me asking me to hang out with her, and I told her no because I need distance to move on. Then I get this a week later. I haven't responded back.

 

I might send her the stupid hair dryer in a box and be done with it. I don't care about whatever she has of mine. What do you think?

[Clint30]

This is an interesting situation. After 7 weeks of me not contacting my ex (she would email me from time to time) I got a call from my ex along the lines of

 

Sounds very familiar to me.

My ex of year and a half ago called me for the first time after the BU (which was very bitter) to tells me that her camera iss broken, so if maybe I need a batteries or memory card for the camera.... How sweet...

Either you do:

01. Nothing and stay polite

02. Ask her what does she want

 

I stayed nice.