Emptiness

[CynicalGuitarist]

I don't know how many of you feel like I do on this topic, but I can't help but feel empty inside. Mostly because I feel lonely and spend my time masking it to my friends. I don't want my friends to know about my emptiness and depression because they'll say things like "Deal with it! don't be such an emo kid!" "It's all in your head. Depression doesn't exist." "It's your own fault for being so shallow all the time. You can't always get what you want, you know." and the like. None of it helps, and in fact that type of advice makes me feel worse.

 

What a crappy saturday. Everyone's gone, nobody's around and there's absolutely nothing to do. I've been lethargic all day, and I'm too afraid to go outside by myself because of the increase in crime in my neighborhood. All there is to do is to stay on the computer, play SNES games on my computer and suck badly at them. This is pretty much the epitome of my life. I feel really disconnected from everybody and everything around me. Nobody really understands me, and what good would it do if they understood me anyways? They aren't me and never will be. I'm stuck in this shell of a limited, puny, bag of bones all by myself. I don't know whether to cry or break something angrly.

 

Sometimes I think life wouldn't be so bad if I were more connected. Maybe if I had more friends, or a purpose in life, or maybe someone I can love and care about as a significant other, maybe life woudn't suck so much. Too bad I'm mentally too f'd up, broke, and introverted for that to happen. Please, don't give me any of that Maury Povich-esque makeover crap. It doesn't help and in fact furthers the possibility of me getting my life back on track. It just makes me feel worse... I have a new pair of shoes, shorts, and have plenty of decent clothes and that doesn't do a damn thing for me.

 

Perhaps I'm looking at life all wrong. Maybe the whole point of life is to get as smashed, high, or stoned as I possibly can, get arrested eventually, be forced into some ultra-sterile 12 step program where all the flashbacks and hangovers will make me hallucinate enough to make me see Jesus telling me to knock off the brain candy, go back to college at a real late age, and become one of those run-of-the-mill, preachy, unobvious, numbingly-happy simpleton who realize my ultimate purpose is to live life for Jesus and Jesus only in high-hopes of getting into heaven. Problem is, my own self-control and dignity is keeping me from achieving this... Dammit.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Alot of people feel this way.. I think you should get the best out of yourself... Go read, play sports, run.. Believe me, the best way to remove this emptiness is to train your skills in anything..

 

Like if you cant find anything to do, just go run to increase your fitness.. Thats an example, do anything for yourself that benefits you, this way you will fill the emptiness by useful stuff..

[CynicalGuitarist]

I would run and do sports and everything, have tried it in fact in certain points in my life, but it's just discouraging me when everybody else is better (regardless of practice) and I'm such a loser, I'll never be as good as them. I've also tried running, but I get cramps and feel faint for the rest of the day.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

first u dont have to compete.. You just have to get the best out of yourself.. JUst challenge ur self.. Try and fail, then try and fail better.. and this goes on

[Haven]

You had a crappy Saturday? You just described my entire SUMMER. The few friends that I actually hang out with from my hometown all decided to head somewhere else for the summer. So I've basically been on my own. I felt like you did for about the first month... but now I'm okay 99% of the time.

 

My problem was that I was placing too much emphasis on connecting with other people. Friendships are important and great, but so is being an individual. I felt like a loser because I was not 'connected' to people... but in reality, I was only a loser because I was depending on other people to make me feel good about myself.

 

So what I did, and what you probably should do, is find a hobby. Find something that you like to do, and do that instead of sitting around playing computer games or wishing that you had someone to hang out with. There are seriously so many possibilities out there. You don't have to find something that you are great at, just something that you can enjoy. That's the important thing. And if you can't enjoy something that you're not the best at, then...maybe that's part of your problem.

 

One suggestion I have is reading. Another is learning a musical instrument, or learning how to cook. ou could try making a movie, or writing, or drawing, or painting. You could also play a sport -- let me emphasize that you don't have to be the best at a sport to enjoy it. There are so many hobby-type activities out there.. there is no way that you dislike ALL of them.

[nottoogreen]

You have to do small projects to build yourself up. Develop yourself, your interest.

 

It's not all competition - is this board competition? Complementary contributions me thinks.

 

For example, look into opensource software. You can learn and contribute to Artwork, documentation, programming, testing.

 

I run Linux, my desktop is kde. It's free, innovative, open and stable.

 

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Don't be a frustrated sitting duck, get going

[MI_Shell]

I think one of the keys to being happy is finding the things that you either like or are really interested in or good at and connecting with people who are really into those things so that you can share thoughts and inspire eachother. Meeting people that are stimulating motivate me more to do things I enjoy. If you are in a place where noone understands or cares that can be lonely and depressing and that is why I am going to move since I

have been trying to analyse myself.

 

Being yourself means that you are being unique and that wont be boring. I hate drugs they numb the brain in the long run and that is where the bore can come.

I have learnt the hard way with drugs, experimented too much and think there is a cover up about how they really destroy the mind in the long term. The healthier your brain is the more of your abilities you can use and the more you get to understand who you really are.

Drugs put you in a dream state to think you are happy for a little while but part of yourself dies.

[Iggy5129]

I say you smoke pot and meditate, it helps me. Also you should read the Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac, it gave me a new perspective on life. It will make you realize that life IS meaningless but still beautiful. Also, you should travel and see how beautiful the world is.

[nottoogreen]

Hi Iggy, please read what MI_Shell said on drugs. Bad idea to use drugs!

[CynicalGuitarist]

I haven't smoked pot in almost 2 weeks. No wonder all of my depression has escalated. Though it makes me laugh a whole lot more, aides my appitite (I usually have problems getting hungry), and relaxes me to the point where I'm neutral enough to actually able to open my mind more, most jobs drug test, and everyone around me is irking me to get a job because I'm piss broke.

[nottoogreen]

Such is life, good you stopped!

 

Will be great when you have a job, you worry less and be proud of yourself.