Dazed and confused

[Krypt]

Hi all,

 

My girlfriend of 4 years decied 3 weeks ago to tell me that she wants to be single again... I met her thru friends when i was 25 and she was 19 in her second year of college. I had feelings for her instantly but she wanted to remain "just friends". Two years passed, I 27 and she was 21. She never had a boyfriend, always concentrated on school. Well while on vacation with our friends she sees me with someone else and begins to have feelings for me. Long story short we get together. She's 25 going to grad school and I'm working on my bachlors, yes gonna be 31 soon but better late than never

 

What happened was we lost connection. I stopped being sweet and she got tired of trying. 3 weeks ago she told me she wanted to be single. I was shocked. It didn't take me long to see why she wanted this. I assured her that i could make it work. I realized that we spend quantity time together not quality. I knew with help we could make it work. Unfortunally she was past that part and didn't feel any ounce of love left for me, only the love as a best friend.

 

She wanted me to be friends with her after the break up. I still have feelings for her. Not to mention there's a twist. She wanted to be single because she never experienced that while in college or high school. I was her first. She wanted a "break" from our relationship with no string attached. She wanted to stay friends with me. I knew something was up and i know even though i just began to feel the break-up she was feeling it for months.

 

I figured out she was seeing someone already. I met with her in person to tell her that i don't think being friends is going to work, and that I know she's seeing someone already (i could tell from our conversations). Turns out she hooked up with her trainer at the gym. Who i believe is 40 and divorced. I heard her talking about the guy when we were together but dismissed it as nothing. She's not seeing they guy though. She wants nothing serious just casual sex like people have in college. Something she didn't experience and that she wants to so she won't have any regrets in the future. Is this normal??

 

She didn't break up with me to be with him, no. She broke up with me to be Single and do what she wants and who she wants. I don't know what's worse. I feel i can move on but i get sick to my stomach thinking of the lifestyle she is choosing. It's so different from what she was. I know i can't see her or talk to her even though i'm afraid for her. How do I forget a lover/friend, bury my feelings for her when I feel she is choosing a hazardous path. See i never was a casual sex person. I hooked up with one person and had 3 long relationships. All i want to do is forget her.

[Siriana]

It is normal. She didn't experience a very important part of her life because she was in a serious relationship while junger and if she wants to be capable for serious commitment later on she needs to do that. She's still the same person but she needs to be casual. That was the very first thing I've done when I broke with my bf of 2 years. I am sorry that you were the one who was dating her seriously and the one who was dumped but you can do nothing about it.

Since the only thing you want to do is to forget her (and it's the only smart thing you can do) I think telling her that beeing friends is not an option was a good move.

 

I suggest you to date a little bit and to fool around eventough you say you are into serious relationships. Why? Because you are not capable for anything serios now and you need a brake.

Than I will suggest to you something else too: don't go serious with a girl that hasn't had that casual fun, dating, folling around past in her CV and she's at that age when she be dooing that because things will end up the same again.

 

Good luck in forgeting her.

[passions1]

It's good that you are watching out for her, but all you can do is watch out for yourself as well & if not remaining friends is better than go ahead & do it. I can sort of relate to your ex-gf, after my past ex & I broke up, all I wanted to do was just date several ppl & see what it was like. She's a grown adult, once she's experienced the casual sex scene, she may or may not grow tired of it. I'm sure her friends are watching out for her as well & will give their opinions as well. Let her go through this & just see what happens from there. Sometimes for me the best way not to be so emotionally distraught from a past lover, is to not care so much anymore, learn from your mistakes with this relationship & believe that there are other potential ppl to date in the future when you are ready.

[Krypt]

I'm glad to hear that the stage she's going through is normal, i feel better knowing that. I wouldn't want her to be doing it out recklessness. I know I'm not looking or anything serious. Right now I'm trying to focus on me to better myself. What happens after that happens. She really was a great friend and helped me better myself. It's alittle sad that the only way i can thank her for that is to not have any contact with her for now.

[JJRadical]

I'm not buying the rationalizations you give or that this is "just a stage."

 

You go stale in a relationship you go stale...trust me if you were it, she wouldn't be "available" to her personal trainer...

 

...now your going to bide your time and not have any contact with her "for now" lol...

 

...where your argument really loses credibility is...

 

She broke up with me to be Single and do what she wants and who she wants.

 

...where i'm from this is known as liberation...

 

How do I forget a lover/friend, bury my feelings for her when I feel she is choosing a hazardous path.

 

whats hazardous hmmmm?....leaving you?....I have seen no evidence of a hazardous lifestyle...sex can be hazardous but if you protect yourself I think calling it hazardous is extreme...to her staying in a dead relationship was more hazardous...

 

Listen bro, you got dumped it hurts, we've all been there...25 to 19 not so far fetched but she is coming into her own and doesn't want to be held back by someone who doesn't do it for her...the fact that you said you had feelings for her instantly and she only got with you after sensing competition are 2 major red flags...

 

...wanting freedom isn't necesssarily being "a casual sex" person...

 

...there is alot of anger in you and if i read between the lines some possesiveness...

 

...now your going to wait in the wings like you did the first time...like some kind of spider waiting patiently for a fly to get caught in its web...only now that she's gaining experience and found the strength to break free one time , she'll be strong enough to not fall for such foolishness as competitive attraction this time...its over dude...

 

...time to get some game and move on! Good luck. Sorry if i wasn't empathetic enough but your story is alittle to neatly packaged, ya folla?

[Krypt]

JJ, ur right, she's not doing anything out of the ordinary. It's more hazardous to be in a stale relationship. She did what was best for her. It just sucks on my end cause i didn't see it coming.

 

you said,

...now your going to wait in the wings like you did the first time...like some kind of spider waiting patiently for a fly to get caught in its web...

I never waited. I was acutally over her when she began to have feelings for me. And i'm sure as hell not desperate and stupid to wait and hope she gets feelings back for me.

 

I'm not trying to get her back, or have dreams of getting her back. All I want to do is pull my sorry * * * back together and be the person i ought to be.