How do you know if a girl is just joyriding you?

[1899]

It started out me asking this girl out 3 times before, and all i got was "im seeing somone". Ok, i can handle that. but now that she got dumped by her boyfriend, our mutual friend calls me and tells me everything about it and that she is single and that she asked if I knew she was single. instead of telling me. The friend had to almost force her to give me her phone number, but i ended up asking for it by the time she gave it to me.I say Joyriding because theres she will go out with me, but only in a group, like her 2 sisters, and 2 other people. And when we go out, she dosent have much to say to me. And I hear about her asking about me through a friend.

 

So I asked her to go to the lake with me once, she did do that, with like 4 other people in the the car. But When I asked (thru text) her to go to a graduation party where everyone knew us, I get a response of "im coming with my family and i think we are going to be late" I was like What?? She calls me back 2 days later with some lame excuse and says she will go, but that was after i had made plans to go somewhere else.

 

So Ive initiated several times, shes been jetskiing with me 2 times, (with friends), came to my house to watch movies 3 times (with friends), yet never calls me and initiates anything. In fact the only time she will initiate is when we see each other at Church on sunday, and its just "hi, hows things going? do you like six flags? Me and my girlfriend are going, but we dont know exactly when" But notice she will never ask me to go with her. Now this weekend im going to the lake all day, and I just dont want her coming along for the ride with the rest of our mutual friends if she dosent want to initiate anything with me. Whats the point of 1 on 1 dating if you get the benifits of being just friends? As I write this, she calls me and asks me for directions to the nearest skating rink thats open at 9:33PM with her cousin and friends from where she currently is on the road and didnt ask me if I wanted to join her??

 

What am i to think? What am i going to say this weekend if she asks thru another friend to come along? Who knows maybe she wont.

[Süsser Tod]

I would ignore her.

[Sputnik]

That's a difficult situation... it's hard to say if she's uninterested or just shy. Is she a shy, polite person by nature, or is her behavior out of character? You could just ignore her and just see what happens, or you could talk to her about it.

 

If you confront her and tell her that you want to get closer, don't be afraid; if she's sincerely interested in pursuing this with you, she won't get scared off!

[talo]

If she has just got dumped maybe she isn't ready for anything yet. If you don't want to go in a group, just say so. If she asks you to come along through a friend, just say something like "Well I'd like to, but if X really wanted me to come along she'd ask me herself, so no thank you".

[OceanEyes]

That's a difficult situation... it's hard to say if she's uninterested or just shy. Is she a shy, polite person by nature, or is her behavior out of character?

 

I agree with Sputnik. I get a sense that she may be a bit timid, or a bit skeptical of your feelings for her.

 

You won't really know unless you give it enough time, or unless you ask her out directly.

 

I think that it's unfair to assume that a woman is "joyriding" when you haven't even asked her out on a date formally. Have you actually asked her out, just you and her?

 

Many women will not respond to you unless you are more aggressive. Some women will ONLY take you seriously if you actually express an interest - an obvious one.

[Süsser Tod]

How long has she been broken up with the ex?

 

To me it looks like she is not ready yet for another relationship.

[1899]

I have asked her out on 3 occasions, but that was before she broke up. She got dumped about a month ago. I would not ask her out to go to the lake with me if I didnt really like her. She should see that. I know 3 other girls that I could do that to, but i dont want to lead them on. Id rather go by myself than do that. She is polite, but there is no reason to be shy, she knows all about me, shes been to my house with a bunch of friends and I asked her out to a graduation party after she got dumped.

 

Maybe she is not ready for anything right now. I dont know why my friend would talk about her to me if shes not ready. When our friend called to tell me she broke up,The friend is like "I just wanted to let you know that she dosent mind you knowing that shes single but she wants no commitments. she does ask about you etc.. " I then said i was kinda over her after I saw her with her boyfriend when we all went bowling. he said, you should give it a chance,You should just talk to her as a friend. I said ok. My point is she dosent initaite anything.

 

I feel it is a waste of time even telling me that if shes not going to tell me (or show me) shes interested.

[OceanEyes]

You're probably right, that it is a waste of time. If she just got out of a long-term relationship, and was dumped, then I can see her not being ready for quite a while.

 

Each time I've gotten out of a long-term relationship, ones that I actually ended, I wasn't ready for anything else for at least a few months.