Still Calming Down

[rachel1256]

I just wanted to update, and post because I'm feeling a little down today. Im sorry to keep posting!

 

Anyways, right before I blocked my ex, he'd been messing with my head, sending me texts saying he missed me, was thinking about me, etc, and at the SAME time, was "online" on link removed. I don't look at his profile now, but as I said, right before I blocked him, things became SO hurtful and so confusing, I became just livid.

 

In a weak moment last week, I asked him what he was doing RIGHT AFTER he texd me he missed me, and he ignored me all day. I emailed him and said stop this pathetic game and just leave me alone then! He emailed back the next day and said, "What are you talking about, Im not seeing anyone. I love you." He messed with my head SO much by doing little things like that, and who knows if his intentions were to get back with me but make me so crazy and desperate, or if he didn't want me back, but just wanted to mess with my head. Why didn't he just leave me alone if he wanted to date other girls??! Isn't that what a normal man would do??

 

Either way, Im still shaken. I've stayed strong, its been 2 days since I changed my number, and im getting better. I was wondering why I even feel ANYTHING for a man who played with my emotions, my head, and why do I try to piece together everything he was doing to me at the end of the relation. My biggest question is why I even miss this man, and the times we had together, when he was such a big jerk! Will this uneasy, hurt feeling go away?

[Beyondthesea]

Isn't that what a normal man would do??

 

Yes, remember you aren't dealing with someone even remotely normal.

 

My biggest question is why I even miss this man, and the times we had together, when he was such a big jerk! Will this uneasy, hurt feeling go away?

 

You miss the routine, not the relationship. think about it: do you actually like HIM? who he is? Not a chance! You don't like someone who is mean, miserable and has a horrible temper. No one likes someone like that.

 

You have stayed in too much contact with him for too long hoping he'll finally announce that he was in the wrong or change: guaranteed neither thing will happen Rachel. That is why you are feeling so uneasy. In reality, this is only your 2nd day of no contact.

 

Your anxiety will lessen, but you really do need to go to counseling. You learn a lot of things being in an abusive relationship, wrong things. You learn things like "If I make any mistake, I am unlovable." "I need to walk on eggshells all the time so I do not upset anyone." "Love relationships include domination over one another" etc. They really are there underneath.

 

You will be alright!

[Roxari]

We miss the relationship. The good times we had, the fun times. There were things that made us stay and feelings we had. No matter how awful you realize a person is afterwards you heart and head are in a constant tug-o-war.

 

Hold on. There are better days. It looks like you are moving into the anger stage. Don't place the blame on yourself for allowing yourself to feel the way you did.

[rachel1256]

thanks for the helpful posts.

 

the scary thing about this man that Im seeing now is we would be having a great time, lauging, smiling together, then one thing would not go his way and i was being yelled at, and no matter what, I COULD NOT explain or say a word against him. It was awful, feeling helpless, not being able to utter one word, feeling like crying but I couldn't because there were so many people around....

 

in his last emails he sounded like he was drunk or high, because he mispelled a lot of things, and just was acting so weird. In a sick way it was almost like he was playing with me they were so wacked.

 

he would tell me he missed me, he loved me, yet be online at the moment looking for girls. He would then call ME crazy if I asked what his intentions were. (this was about 2 weeks ago)

 

He is psycho, and towards the end, he seemed mentally sick. Im not joking. He enjoyed the fact that he was driving me crazy. Sick sick man. It really helps to post here and get it out.

 

I have a VERY loving, close family, who show me how i should be loved. I also dated one other man who treated me like a queen, so I know what love should look like, I just need to let go of EVERYTHING about this man and find that love with a man who respects me.

 

I guess I'm just posting to get out my feelings. My head becomes clearer everyday though, I was feeling angry though at how he messed with me so much, and I still loved him, even to the end.

 

I tell you, being sucked into an abusive relationship can happen to ANYONE. I was always a strong, happy woman who had many friends, a loving family, getting a lot of attention from men, yet I turned into someone I barely recognize.

[whatchamacallit]

Rachel, I was in exactly the same type relationship you are (were) in. I've run accross SOOOOO many who have! It's unbelievable and this controlling personality of our exes is all too common! I even set up a fake profile on a popular dating website to catch him in what he was doing. I found out alot and it really opened my eyes. I know this sounds evil, but have you thought of doing that...just to see what kind of person he is? It's interesting seeing what he'll do and how far he'll go to meet someone. I can't believe I just asked that question.

[whatchamacallit]

my gosh rachel, sounds like you have my old b/f!!!!!!! You don't live in TX do you? I hate the walking on eggshells and them projecting their faults onto us. Like it's our fault that they're like that! CRAZY!!!

[rachel1256]

haha, no. California..

I did do that a while back, and I found out he was desperate, and would go for anyone or anything. It was pretty sad because he is a very good looking man, but i believe he has self esteem problems, or just doesn't care. He is looking for women 18-45, so that says a lot too.

 

I have since stopped looking at his profiles though. They only set me back, and I know all I need to know about him now. He doesn't respect women, me, and never will. It was good to do it then, because like you said, you see how sad they are, and what level they will stoop too, but now that I know, I am SO glad, and I just see its time to never look back.

[whatchamacallit]

you sound like a very smart woman, rachel, and got out of this relationship before it was too late. Before you got really dependant on him. I have been in a rollercoaster relationship with my ex. I think I have a co-dependancy to him. We had NC for about 3-4 weeks, but now wants to see each other when we can. I agreed. Relunctantly. But, like you say. It's almost like you're afraid of them and fear them for some reason that you can't put your finger on. He has so much control over my emotions. However, I have gotten stronger with the 4 weeks of NC and looked at things with a birds eye view. It helps you see more clearly. Also, I took the time to do a ton of soul searching and want to restore my relationship with God. And, have come a long way with that.

 

I keep thinking he will change, or things will change. I don't really think they will. You see...we work together and it's difficult to COMPLETELY sever the relationship. We have to see each other. We both have tried to get new jobs, but that hasn't happened yet. If we didn't work together, I know it would be so much easier to say goodbye for good.

[Beyondthesea]

I tell you, being sucked into an abusive relationship can happen to ANYONE. I was always a strong, happy woman who had many friends, a loving family, getting a lot of attention from men, yet I turned into someone I barely recognize.

 

Me too. No one who met me would EVER believe I would put up with such treatment. I was very strong, confident and outgoing. Now I'm a fraction of who I used to be.

[rachel1256]

Yes, it can happen to anyone, and I think its so hard for people that have NOT been in an abusive relationship to understand this concept. They ask why we don't just leave. Yea, if it was that easy, of course we would! I wanted to leave almost everyday, yet I was so damaged and rundown, i just stayed. I got together what I had left, and finally did it for good. He probably didn't want to get back together anyways, but regardless, I HAD to block him from my life.

 

Whatchamacallit, I feel for your situation, and that you see him everyday at work, but please do what you can do block him at home, on your cell, email....

I changed my number, blocked him from my email, and its hard, but it makes it easier. you don't know if they have called, or if they haven't.... Please, just DO NOT go back. My ex was playing with my head, making it a game to him until I just shut him out. They are sick people, and do not look at relationships normally. I hope you stay strong. Hang in there

[Belle]

Rachel,

 

Yes, it can happen to anyone. Don't worry about the people who don't understand. They're ignorant about abusive relationships and how it all starts.

 

I admire your courage. You're doing a very good thing for yourself. There will be better, I promise you. Having read a little about your ex, there's a whole better out there and I'm glad you're open to it. I just hope you don't look back. This guy will only bring negative energy to himself and anyone who has a relationship with him.

 

You can go out there and create something positive for yourself and be the better for it.

[rachel1256]

Thank you! I have those very hopes for myself. I know I am not a bad person, and not EVERYTHING I say is wrong like my ex said. I already feel a positive feeling now that no one is telling me to shut up, or I need to think about what I say, or do research because I'm constantly wrong. He would ALWAYS tell me, "think before you speak, because you never say anything right!"

 

well, that just shows what a negative man he is, because never have my friends, nor my parents who have known me all my life ever said that to me. Sure, I've been wrong many times, but he is the only person who has made me feel less because of it.

 

Thanks for all the encouragement! I may not say it, but I appreciate everyones responses, and all the wonderful people on this forum.

[Beyondthesea]

"think before you speak, because you never say anything right!"

 

Maybe we were dating the same abusive moron Everything you say is the same as what I went through...it's obvious these guys take a "how to be an abusive moron" course somewhere

[saltwatergirl]

He would ALWAYS tell me, "think before you speak, because you never say anything right!"

 

 

Im so glad you are out of this verbally abusive relationship. Keep moving forward.

 

Salt

[rachel1256]

Seriously! It's crazy to think that there really are guys like this. I tell some of my friends things he has said and done, and they are in absolute disbelief.

Who knows where our ex's learn this 'lovely' behavior from, but I'll let someone else deal with it.

 

Thank you. I will, Im keeping my head up.