When can you say "Enough"

[crvers]

It’s incredible how fast everything happens.

 

At one moment you’re happy. You are happy with your life and the person you are sharing it with. This life you are creating has a future with kids, a mortgage, financial and emotional security. It’s a life that’s shown in the movies where there is a happy ending.

 

But what happens when that moment fades and is replaced with a nightmare. The nightmare where one person decides that the dream you had wasn’t worth it. That the life you believed to be worth creating isn’t enough.

 

Once upon a time.

 

So what happens when that nightmare continues after that person has left? The gaping hole that was once filled with love, friendship, trust, and security is now just that, a gaping hole. And then it begins to be filled with hate, rage, and denial. We have all been through it. I am going through it. You feel moments of utter strength and believe you have come so far from what seemed like a never ending soap opera of lies, deceit, and manipulation. And yet with a snap of your fingers you can still be reduced to tears.

 

Do we give up? Do we let go? Do we hold onto hope regardless of what it does to us? What is the breaking point? Where does that line sit where we can honestly say enough is enough?

 

To everyone that there is a different answer to these questions. I am still finding the answers.

 

I try to let go. I try to move on. I tell myself I am doing better now, than I did 5 months ago. I look forward and see the sun in my face. I know that I am the only person who can control my life. I am the only person who can make me whole. And yet I still feel the chill breeze on my shoulder. The breeze that carries a memory of the moments when I was happy with her and her happy with me. The distant laugh, smile, hug, and tears of joy.

 

I understand how I may sound right now, that I have made no progress in moving on with my life, but I have. I believe I have moved beyond the point where I still need her to fill a part of me, since I am taking measures to fill it myself. I have control over my emotions. I have control over me.

 

I left one day with rage and malice in my heart, and returned the next with none. All I had was hate keeping me from missing her. 2 months ago that’s what allowed me to start NC and stick with it. Today it is gone. The rage that once ate the inside of me has diminished, and now leaves me thinking of her once again.

 

I know not what I am doing anymore and maybe this is just the rambling of someone with incoherent thoughts running through their head. I just know today I miss that girl. And I wonder if she ever misses me. I tried to call her yesterday, but I couldn’t handle it when she said she was at her new guy’s home. When she asked if I was okay, I lied and said I was fine. I know I’m not ready. But it was something I had to do to know that.

 

-C

[InHiding]

How true is that!!! It sent chills down my spine. I'm trying to answer all those questions for myself, and they are tough ones!

 

Good luck to you, you will make it out of it.

[Allie.]

Wow. Firstly, this is very well-written. It sounds a lot like narrative poetry.

 

But back to the point, you know...I feel that way too today. I guess it just takes some time. I mean, think about it...there are so many things that do remind us and will continue reminding us of our ex's...their pictures, "our song" on the radio or merely the season...there will be times where we all miss our ex's and it will hurt...but always remember....that pain is our heart's way of saying: "I'm healing." Let it heal.

 

One question: WHY DID YOU BREAK NC?!?!?! haha. shucks. now you have to start again. and of course you're hurt. You found out that your ex is happy with her new boyfriend. You're only human...with one heart...a heart that was already broken. Now let me give you a simple analogy that I saw here on ENA

If you broke your arm...would you try to arm-wrestle again?

You think: "Of course I wouldn't." Well...you just did that to your heart. Try to think about your heart the same way. If its broken...I would do anything to prevent further damage to it. why would you try to hurt it again? hmm.

 

But i'm sort of glad that you did because at least now you know...that if you go back and break NC again...you can talk to her and figure out

 

a) she's doing okay and she broke up with the other guy but still doesn't want you back and ur gonna get hurt because of that

 

OR

 

b) she's still with that other man and still doesn't want you back & you're gonna get hurt because of that TOO!

 

So don't hurt yourself more. and start clean with NC and DON'T break it. If you feel like you're about to break--post here and I will try my best to reply to your posts and if i'm not here...then I KNOW that other people on ENA will help you get through this.

 

we're all here for you!

 

always,

Allie.

[flower99]

You lived one dream, but it became a nightmare......Create another dream, one just for You!!! and make it come true.

You deserve it

I love the way your wrote that.

It's beautiful & so true to what I've felt too.

[crvers]

Thanks, I appreciate that. I have a hard time expressing what is going through my head sometimes.

 

Its such a surreal thing. I am okay, I have been doing okay. The last couple of months of focusing on myself have really helped. But still, there's a part that never really wants to let go of her. That as much as I can help myself and push myself to keep moving on with my life, I still hold her in my heart. I still miss her even though I consiously tell myself I shouldn't. I think about her even though I try and change the subject in my mind. Its all very annoying.

 

But as time goes on, I get better. Life keeps getting better. I know I am now at a phase that I can start dating again. That I have moved on enough in my heart that I can, and not do it for a selfish reason to just forget. But I think eventually that dating and starting another relationship is the final step to successfully moving on and being happy.

[lioness726]

I know how you feel crvers.

 

Granted it has only been three weeks since my ex and I had broken up, but it was our third break up. I knew it was coming for awhile and I knew I had to do it, I just wasn't ready.

 

I don't think I really was when I finally ended it, but hey... When are we ever ready to let someone who was such a huge part of our lives go?

 

I agree with you in the sense that often times your're never fully over someone until you meet someone new. People may argue and say that you're just trying to forget them, or it's not healthy... Blah, blah, blah.

 

What I mean by it, is that when you think of a relationship and they were the last person you shared one with, you're going to remember them. When you think of that level of intimacy, you're going to think of the last person you were with. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're not over them. It just means that maybe your heart, mind, and emotions are longing for something you once had with someone. You're not missing them. You're missing the comfort, the intimacy, the all-wonderful-goodness-of-things that are a happy relationship.

 

You miss, ache, and long for that. When it has touched our lives once, we will always long for it again.

[crvers]

You miss, ache, and long for that. When it has touched our lives once, we will always long for it again.

 

Exactly my point. I have found through my own experience, as many have experienced my situation with me, that eventually all decisions that need to be made is dependent on you. People can advise, give opinions, and even tell you what choice you should make. But at the end of the day the only person you need to look in the mirror is yourself. So those choices/hard decisions have to made made by you for you.

 

In the end moving on with your life has to be your choice.

 

"Do you know why we fall down?....To learn to pick ourselves up"

 

So we take a step forward, and two steps back. It may take longer than putting both feet forward, but you'll eventually get there. And yeah, I think your reward for being brave enough, female and male, to endure the pain alone. To endure the feelings of remorse, anger, abandonment, rage, denial and most importantly empitness alone should be rewarded with some sort of prize. The prize for another chance to experience love.

 

Thats what we're all here for isn't it? To make it to the next step. To climb those stairs to the next level. To see a light at the end of the tunnel. We're all here to remove the pain and sadness that embodies ourselves right at this very moment. I think if someone is courageous enough to endure the ending of a relationship without being reliant on a rebound; to endure, learn, reflect, and grow from this experience, I believe we deserve a second chance for love. Because if we don't, if we don't see that there will be another chance; to realize that we matter and have value and have something to give, then whats the point in all this. I ask this of anyone who reads this: whats the point.

 

And so I continue to move on, and hope for happiness to her, but more importantly happiness for me.

 

-C

[Oldboy]

The prize for another chance to experience love.

 

whats the point.-C

 

This is the point is it not? How much better could it be to meet someone who appreciates the qualities that are imbibed in you after the breakup of a relationship: The inner strength, the dignity and the knowledge of how a relationship should work. We know where we went wrong in a relationship because we have all dwelt upon the "could have beens" and "should have dones"

We take these lessons and use them to better ourselves. And then when we do meet someone who rekindles our soul well.... who knows.

[crvers]

We take these lessons and use them to better ourselves. And then when we do meet someone of rekindles our soul well.... who knows.

 

Exactly my point Oldboy, well said my friend.

 

These are realizations I have been having as of late. The realization that once you pull your head outta the sand, there is a world of possibilities out there.

Yes, your relationship has ended.

Yes, that person has hurt you extremely.

Yes, your life is in a glass case of emotion.

Yes, your experiencing feelings of loss, abandoment, hate, rage, sorrow...everything that you can imagine.

Yes, you feel like you lost your one true love.

 

But once you surpass that. Once those feeling begins to reside like the ocean does at early morn. Once that heartbreak begins to heal and you begin to live life once again, you begin to realize your true potential...at least I hope.

 

Your stronger because of this experience. Your more knowledgeable about what you want and where you want to be. And as long as your willing to accept your mistakes and learn from the reasons why the relationship ended, then someone more suited and willing to give you the love you require will be waiting right through that door. The door at the end of this road.

 

This is how I feel at least. The hope you once held for her/him, will now be the hope you hold to your future and where it is leading.

[Oldboy]

I hope so crvers. It's hard though, you know that for yourself. The relapses and the weakening of resolve. It's hard to get up off the floor when you dwell on things and you break down. I know the relapses are only temporary and I know they will become less frequent as time goes by. I tell myself this each time a feel the wounds opening but I wish time would march on so that I can get over this quicker.

[searching1951]

Your strength comes from all of the time that has elapsed since you were together..the fact that you have gotten through 5 months of the worst pain in your life. It won't get worse..it will get better..but it isn't over. There will be crying moments in the distant future..there will be setbacks and ruminations. But the fact is, the worst is behind you. You have progressed. Don't beat your self up for breaking NC. But resolve not to do it again. Don't forget that you were betrayed by this person. Anyone who is the keepr of your love, who then discards it, like a tissue paper out the window of a car, has betrayed you. YOU don't deserve that. The worst is behind you..now move on.

[crvers]

I hope so crvers. It's hard though, you know that for yourself. The relapses and the weakening of resolve. It's hard to get up off the floor when you dwell on things and you break down. I know the relapses are only temporary and I know they will become less frequent as time goes by. I tell myself this each time a feel the wounds opening but I wish time would march on so that I can get over this quicker.

 

At least you realize that eventually things will get better. And the setbacks are alright, we all go through them. But, as you said, as time goes on everything is fewer and farther between. I still occasionally have setbacks; songs, pictures, locations that remind me of her. It still hasn't gone all away, but now I have more inner strength and resolve to not let those thoughts filter into my mind.

 

Eventually so will you oldboy.

 

Anyone who has read my extremely long long long post of my breakup can see the ups and downs...and then the break where I finally came to my senses and realized I wasn't the entire person at fault. I think once that happens, and you stop blaming yourself and realize that maybe their was difficulties from both sides, you can start to heal.

[crvers]

Don't forget that you were betrayed by this person. Anyone who is the keepr of your love, who then discards it, like a tissue paper out the window of a car, has betrayed you. YOU don't deserve that. The worst is behind you..now move on.

 

Maybe it is a betrayal, just to let someone go so easily. But it was on both parts. I am not denying that their were failures on my part of the relationship, but now I know their also was failures on hers.

 

I realize that me still posting things on here shows that I have not fully moved on, I know that me still talking about it also shows that. I can't believe 5.5 months have passed. That its almost been half a year, I wonder sometimes where the time went. Its almost surreal knowing that this time last year I was happy and content with my ex...and now we haven't even really talked in 3 months. (except for the 2 week ago crap call)...Definitely weird how things work out...