So my anniversary sucked

[Jennster]

I posted on here last week worrying about my anniversary and what I should get/do.

 

MY BF and I decided together to celebrate our anniversary on the 4th - technically it's the 2nd but the 4th was a better day to celebrate it. We had planned to go to this big park where they have big fireworks - and I bought my BF tickets to the upcoming Tool concert (he really loves Tool) and I got a cute little stuffed frog and wrapped it all nice and surprised him with it.

 

Turns out - we had major storms here yesterday so we gave up on going to the park - we live in an area where we're kind of on a moutain so we sat on our patio for 2 hours watching fireworks all over the place. I made a nice pasta and chicken dinner. I had suggested we go out to dinner but my BF knocked it down saying we need to save money (we're going on a weekend getaway next weekend) and that all the restaurants would be too crowded So I gave into that and decided to go home. We did take a nice drive through the mountains near our house - it was nice...but the way he drives in those mountainy curves makes me sick - he knows this - but he still drives like a bat out of hell around the corners.

 

We get home - I cook dinner...we watch fireworks. Mind you I've already surprised him with his gift. So I'm hoping in the back of mind he's going to surprise me with something special. After fireworks and dinner we lay on the couch to watch a movie...by this time I was really tired cause I worked day shift in order to have the night off.

 

It's midnight and still nothing. We get into bed and I'm SOOO tired but I know he wants to have sex...cause you gotta do that when its your anniversary ...so I tried to put my mind into it...and it was fine...but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

 

The night wasn't completely ruined....but...at this point I'm really questioning if my BF knows how to treat me the way I'd like a BF to treat me. I am having that serious talk I've been thinking about...I was just waiting to see if he could redeem himself on the anniversary. I've told him how I need some times of romantic things. He's told me he's not that way - but I KNOW he is because he did romantic things for me BEFORE we moved in together. That's part of the reason I fell in love with him...because he was thoughtful and surprised me sometimes.

 

I know part of this is my fault - I've let him get lazy since we've moved in together and now I'm feeling resentful. I'm going to stay away from him today so I can have time to think. These things might not seem big to some people...but it is to me. I've never had a first anniversary with anyone and I tried all I could to make it special and he did nothing!! That really hurts me...like you can't even believe. I feel like his sex machine/maid/grocery shopper....I don't like this.

 

Sorry for the long post but I had to get this out...would anyone else feel bad if their SO didn't do anything for their anniversary? I don't care about WHAT he'd do - just that he did something...he could've made a card on a piece of plain paper for all I cared...at least THAT would be something. There's only a few times I'd like some surprises - that's birthdays, christmas and anniversarys.

[itseuphoric]

the fact that he didn't get you ANYTHING is pretty sad. i think you have a right to be upset about that. have you mentioned to him that this upset you?

also, i would try talking to him again about how you are feeling. i, like you, need the romance aspect of a relationship. are you making sure that you're being as romantic with him as you'd like him to be with you? that may also be a factor. show him with your actions how you'd like to be treated. he just might come around. and if he doesn't...well, then you need to think about if that kind of relationship will work for you. best wishes!

[Jennster]

Thanks! I've brought up this issue on here before and people suggested I try to be more romantic myself and set a good example. I have done this...in fact I'm romantic by nature and I'm always thinking of the other person and ways to show them I care. I'll bake him cookies before he goes to work and slip them in his dinner bag. I've left notes, bought cute things...I've worn sexier lingerie...I'm about reaching my rope. I have had a discussion with him before about my need for this stuff...and we both agreed we'd try harder...I told him I'd give him a bit more slack. That talk about over a month ago and I've seen no progress from him.

[RayKay]

Awww, I would be pretty disappointed too if I did not even get a card! I really am not worried about gifts, it's about the thought/gesture behind it that is of importance to me. I am not much of a romantic sort and don't need big romantic gestures at all, but I think you can do little things for each other all the time, and that goes really far.

 

Instead of being more romantic with him, maybe you need to hold back a bit on those, may be he takes them a bit for granted, and does not do anything for you as you already "do it all". Kinda sad really.

 

Maybe for him he thought once you moved in he could just give up...but I think you know that you still need to keep that quality going, taking one another for granted is a sure death knell to a relationship.

[Beyondthesea]

Personally I think he's just taking you for granted now that you live together. I'd let him know that you fell in love with who he made out he is, not this new 'no cares' person who lives with you.

 

There's nothing wrong with expecting a present on your ANNIVERSARY!

[Siriana]

You see I am not romantic. I don't care about walks on the beach on sunset, or dinners with candles or bunch of red roses...I am not into dates too - I even don't know the exact date I went out for the first time with my current bf (so guess what - I will have no idea when is our universary. hm, and I don't like to be surprised. I am the happiest when I know what the surprise will be (my bf is taking me on a shakira concert and I am soooo happy but he had to tell me that 2 weeks earlier because I hate surprises I like to get a piece of cake sometimes or a single rose and that is all the adventure and surprise I am asking. But than I have some other things that make me happy. And I am horrified that maybe because I am completely realistic my bf doesn't get enough feedback he needs (not that he complains, he looks happy and I asked him and he says that he's happy)

 

So, I guess my point is that you two definitely have different views on what's romantic but that doesn't excuse him for buying you nothing on your anniversary - especially because he knew when it is and because he knows that you're romantic (at least I hope he knows). At least a flower and a dinner! If I am trying to me more romantic because of my bf (and it's sooooo hard) than he should be more concerned about what you want.

 

Tell him that you want that romantic dinner no matter what, and a flower, and a little bit of attentione next weekend. If he doesn't know what exactly you want tell him, make him a picture of it.

You know, when someone tells me you should try to be a little bit more romantic I would say I will but than I would ask myself what do I need to do? So maybe, just maybe he wants to be good toward you but doesn't have any idea what is your vision of romance! And be upfront saying I want my anniversary present! Don't hold back, be honest.

[GoodNewsIsOnTheWay]

We had this problem on nearly every one of our anniversaries.. I have ALWAYS tried to do something.. And I make him dinner, find a sentimental movie *like this year, I rented the movie we watched on our first valentines day together* and I got him a gift he had been talking and talking about, but just never would do for himself. Yes, we made love, and I know that should be a gift in itself, but it really is important for girls... Anniversaries are VERY special things, but I don't think guys feel the same for some reason.

[Jennster]

I am feeling a bit more comforted now that it's been a few hours since I wrote this post...I went to my parents house and talked with my brother - who is the same age as my BF...and he found my BF's non-attention completely unacceptable. I understand guys forget, have no clue, don't know....but not making any effort AT ALL is why I'm so hurt. It would have been endearing if he went and caught me a fish and woulda said " here I caught you a delicious bass" (Napoleon Dynamite reference) - but no effort on his part equals no caring. Oh but when it comes sex time he's all over me...kissing my neck...trying to make his move...that crap isn't gonna fly anymore.

 

Because I left home before he even woke up today I will not be seeing him until he gets home from work around 10:30 tonight - and then it's gonna be talk time. Thanks all for your responses.

[Magic_star829]

You GO girl!! Put your foot down and don't let him get off easy! You teach people how to treat you remember that....I'm still trying to work on that as well, but I realise that it's true, and once you realise you are worth it and deserve good things....then that's when things start looking up Good Luck with the talk..and keep us updated.

[Jennster]

^^Hey thanks for the encouraing words!!

 

FYI everyone - I had the talk with him already. He knew something was wrong all the time he was at work so on his way home he stopped and got me a card, some really pretty hydrangeas (my favorite flowers) and a blender HAHA (I've been wanting one). We had a really good talk while sitting outside on our patio. He knew he messed up...but we discussed how we had mis-communication - he just figured that we were spending the day with eachother. I explained how I need some special things now and again and that I also need some appreciation in everything else. We are definitely on the same page now and I feel SOOO much better now that we've gotten things in the open. He told me he's appreciated me all along and that he's never been happier than these 5 months we've been living together So I'm content again.