I'm lost.. Every time i try to leave something keeps pulling me back

[Riggz41510]

This is a combo of my posts..

Imagine this.. I've been with my GF whom is also my daughters mom off and on since 99.

 

We had our first real break-up in December 04. She cut me off out the blue.. She dogged me during the break-up. You name it I did it.. Flowers, cards, gifts, I even bought a ring and was going to ask her to marry me and she told me "she has moved on and so should I" now this was only one month into the break-up.. I went through all the emotions from crying, anger, what ifs.. all of them..

 

The pain is only intensified 10 times more when you still have to be in contact with that person.. I couldn't and can't do NC we have a child.. I called her phone one day and the new guy answered it, she came and picked my daughter up from me with him in the car.. Imagine that!!!

 

So time passes I eventually get a little stronger and I tell her that I can now see my life without her, when at first I couldn't.. The tables immediately turn she now all of a sudden wants to get back together.. I'm so happy I don't question anything, we jump right back into it..

 

Well it only lasted 2 months.. I guess she was still seeing the other guy.. I'm crushed.. This time I had paid for us too move($5000), bought her another ring($2600) and she agreed to marry me.. So we part ways again.. It was real ugly..

 

I'm back to square one with all the emotions etc.. I eventually have a girl I was talking to during our first break-up move in to help on the bills because she left me stuck with the house.. She even had the audacity to get mad at me when she found out the girl was there.. I'm thinking that's what fueled the whole "I want you back attitude" I will explain below..

 

Here I go again trying to get her back all the e-mails, tears, texts etc.. She does the same thing reject me.. Another 4 months pass she contacts me telling me how sorry she was, can I forgive her, she now understands what she did wrong can we please give our family another shot.. So of course I want it.. I end the relationship with the other girl, I pack up and move to a 1 bedroom apt to give us a fair shot at making things work..

 

So here I am now 4 months later and she has changed her mind again.. She claims I'm not the man for her, she need a more family oriented man blah, blah, blah.. Now I have been here twice in the past 2 years, but I am still experiencing the same feelings I experienced the other 2 times.. I am crushed I'm hurting, I miss her, I can't focus, eat, sleep etc.. And again it intensifies it because I know I have to call her for my daughters sake.. It's been two weeks now, and I am a mess.. I don't know what to do..

 

I have let this woman do this too me 3 times.. Imagine going through that intense feeling 3 times.. And its no easier each time

 

I have tried the NC but I eventually break down and send her a text. She doesn't respond and it just hurts more. Or if she does respond its something totally nothing to do with my original text.. Love sucks!!

 

Well I have to go by her house to day and drop some money off for my daughter. I feel so nervous about it.. I don't know if I can handle seeing her.. If I know her she will try and look extra sexy to just **** with me.. aarrggh!!!!

 

 

I call for my kids and I'm immediately wondering who is she with? What is she doing? Who does she have my kids around?

You know it tugs at your heart when the kids say things too you.. The other day my daughter turned to me and said "Daddy can me you my mommy and my brother go on a picnic"? And I asked her "why"? Her response was "so we can be a family again". What am I supposed to say to that? How do I stay strong and keep my head up.. She's always asking me "daddy when are you coming back to mommy's house"?

 

I see her all the time at my daughters extracurricular activities and then to top it off, her daycare/school is directly accross the street the home I shared with her mom in which she still lives in.. And when I say directly I mean DIRECTLY!! Its so much of a reminder every time i drive past.. Ya know

[Beyondthesea]

I'm so sorry you're suffering so much friend. You have really had the run around with this woman.

 

Remember her attempts to get back together are a joke, and she isn't the one for you, because she's not. Someone who loves you would never treat you this way.

 

Be strong friend, and move forward. Your suffering has been really prolonged because you allow her to come back again. NC may not be the answer, but keeping your distance besides seeing your children definitely is.

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time. Being co-parents to a child when you are going through a sticky off and on again relationship is defenitely a difficult situation.

 

I can see that you have some very strong feelings for her, but I have to say that all of this back and forth she is pulling on you is very selfish and not at all good for you. My first thought is that you need to make your daughter a priority and focus on being the best parent you can for her.

 

This means doing the best you can to remove yourself romantically from her mother and not letting her destroy your self esteem and break your heart over and over again while she tries to figure out what she wants. If you want to protect your rights, I suggest you see an attorney who specializes in family law and who can advise you of your rights- should things get ugly between you and your ex again.

 

The most important thing for you now is your daughter. If you can do your best to work on being the best co- parents for her that you can, and try your best to not allow yourself to fall prey to any future requests your ex has to 'work things out', you will be better off.

[joyce1412]

i agree that your daughter must be your priority. despite the fact that your relationship with her mom is very up-and-down, off-and-on, your relationship with your child does not have to be. be strong and continue to be a consistent force in her life. best of luck.

[Riggz41510]

If the wound gets opened every time I see her mom?? How do i ever get to move on??

[Hope75]

You have to work on that within yourself. You need to learn to be strong and to keep it just about your daughter when you see her. Keep things brief, talk only about your daughter and the plans you have with her and interests for her, and nothing more.

 

You have to remind yourself of how this women yanked you back and forth over and over because she cannot decide what she wants- and how unfair that is to you to do so. No matter how tempted you are-- keep reminding yourself. Make yourself strong and resiliant. Your attitude and self motivation has everything to do with how you will allow yourself to react to her and the situation. Make this about your daughter, who should be the #1 woman in your life.

 

Easier to say than do... it's a skill... one you have to continually work on to perfect-- but you can do it!

[Belle]

Sounds like your ex only wants you when she can't have you. She sounds a lot like my ex. He came back 3x as well. Treated me like a princess, made promises once. But it was smoke and mirrors. Ultimately he acted like a jerk and he was still the same person I broke up with in teh first place.

 

I agree with beyond teh sea. Someone that really loves you isn't going to string you along just in case nothing better comes along. Your ex doesn't sound like she can stand being alone. That's not healthy for you and is only going to lower your confidence.

 

I have chosen to end all contact. I dont' want anymore mixed messages or yoyoing. I'm ready to move on and when I'm ready, find someone who's a lot better for me. Someone who's ready to have a healthy relationship. Anything less is settling.

[Riggz41510]

It makes it worse when she tries to make the break-up seem like its me.. Like I'm so * * * * up.. I have given my all. I lost a job partly because of our separation.

 

All I ever wanted was to give my daughter the life I never had. But the harder I try the more it backfires in my face.. All my friends are married and around their kids every day. It makes it so hard to even be around them, I don't know if its jealousy, but that's all I ever wanted so badly.

 

I know I shouldn't allow someone to treat me this way, but my problem is that as time passes my love for her stays the same but, the hurt and anger for the pain she has cause diminishes which in turn makes it so easier for me to forgive her. I know I sound stupid.. My mom once told me this "Love is a mental illness" and I totally agree with her now!!!