Friend Gone Off Rails Since BreakUp

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

This concerns a very old friend of mine. We're both 18 and have been friends and going to the same school (until I left last year) for nine years now.

 

We have always gotten on well, despite us both having rather strong personalities.

 

Her relationship over the past 2 years has been a source of despair to myself and several other friends. Her boyfriend was way beneath her in terms of

 

a) moral goodness

b) intelligence

c) ambition

d) General Niceness and Decency As A Person - he hotwired cars, did drugs, and cheated on her. A waster in other words. To put it bluntly. Yet she stuck with him because she has rather low self esteem and didn't believe she could do better.

 

So imagine how pleased so many of us were when they finally broke up (it was "a long time coming" apparently) about 2 months ago. Sure, we didn't like seeing her upset, but were relieved she got rid of the moron.

 

However, I'm almost wishing she was back with her boyfriend now. She lost her virginity to him and is experiencing the most dangerous rebound crisis ever. Within a week of the breakup, she joined link removed, contacted a 28 year old, and invited him over TO HER HOUSE whilst her folks were out..and slept with him.

 

She then veered between an "I don't care attitude" and an "I'm so f'ed-up" attitude. She became entangled with a previously close friend on an inappropriate basis, and has subsequently lost his friendship.

 

When I stayed over her house, she incessantly hit on me even though she knows full well I'm not single.

 

Now she's going to meet up with a 40 year old on Friday. It's ok apparently because they "connect" and he's "a philosophy professor".

 

I find it so ironic that a girl who constantly tells me how she wants an intelligent decent bloke is doing something so stupid.

 

How ridiculous can you get? I have no idea what to do. In fact, I can't do anything, can I? I've outlined all the risks she's taking (which are many) but she's an adult and it's my job to just watch her implode, I suppose.

 

She also plans to meet up with a 24 year old who lives an hour or so away in August for casual sex because she "wants to experience a C0ck ring".

 

Jesus. What the ... am I meant to do?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I think she really need to have save some value for herself and stop doing such a thing.

 

If not, she would not able to face herself again.

 

She might go further down the line.

 

I hope the very best for her.

[RayKay]

Remind her that even people you "connect" with can give you HIV, HPV, genital warts, chlamydia, get you pregnant, etc etc etc.

 

Unfortunately, there is little you can do but tell her you are very concerned about her current life choices, that you care about her and that she deserves much better in her life. A lot of this will be fallout from the breakup, but also from her own self esteem issues. Until she resolves those, she will be feeling lost - basically, she is looking for love in all the wrong places. She is not seeing that love comes from within herself first and foremost, FOR herself.

 

I just hope she learns her lesson an "easy way" rather than the hard way.

[Süsser Tod]

Rebound plus wanting to date to help her self steem, that is what I can see. Other than having a heart to heart talk with her there is not much you can do, so don't take it on your hands. However, don't leave her alone, as it is going to blow up in her face, and she'll need someone to help her.

[Managor]

Yeah I think trying to support her, while not at all encouraging any of these recent decisions, might be the best for her. She needs to work on her confidence and esteem or she'll be suceptable to being in this sort of situation indefinitely. Pretty much totally agreeing with RayKay.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

It's almost as though she's having a premature midlife crisis. She's dyeing her hair different colours and whilst she was anti smoking before, she's buying cigarettes on a semi regular basis now. (But "plans to give up" because "she doesn't actually like it and is just doing it because she can".)

 

I'll keep on sticking around. It's not going to be pretty.