So confused

[milly]

I could really use some advice or even just feedback. I started dating my bf 2 years ago. There is a slight age difference of 2 yrs. I'm 23 and he is 21 so I hesitated to date someone younger and we were friends for the first 2 months. We had a great relationship and went through some very hard times together. These times included a period when he couldn't walk and was in the hospital. These hard times only seemed to bring us closer. He even asked me to marry him but needed time for a ring.

 

About 4 months ago we started to have problems and argue a lot. I just graduated from college and have been planning to attend a grad school accross the country. He always said how he wanted to go with me and acted excited about it. Then 4 months ago he changed his mind. That was very hard for me to accept and we argued about it quite a bit. He kept going back and forth about his decision to move and I would get upset when he would tell me he just didn't think he could go. I wish I had handled it better but I felt so rejected by his sudden change of heart.

 

About 2 months later we broke up. I actually brooke up with him but quickly regretted it and we got back together in a few days. I just felt like I cared about him more. Then he broke up with me and again we got back together. I moved home from school that month which is about 2 hours away from him.

 

We talk on the phone but sometimes he will go days without calling and it really upsets me. I've told him this too.

 

I asked him to visit this weekend and he said he didn't feel like it. This upset me but I didn't really say anything just that I had to go. We haven't talked in 3 days. I called him yesterday and twice tonight. Once I left a crying and upset message which I now kind of regret. I feel pathetic and don't know if I can bring myself to end it. I just can't stop crying and feeling like a fool.

 

I just don't understand how he can ignore when he knows it upsets me so much. I wish I knew why he doesn't just dump me. I have been crying all weekend and feel like a mess.

 

Any comments would be great.

[melrich]

Hi Milly,

 

It certainly sounds like he may be disengaging from this relationship. Have you asked him recently about how he is feeling about you and the relationship?

[milly]

That is another confusing thing. He tells me how much he loves me and wants to be with me all the time. His behavior and what he says are completely opposite.

 

People will lie but they will rarely live the lie.

[melrich]

Forget what he says. It is what people do that is important. Always take note of the behaviour over what people say.

[Momene]

Perhaps he couldn't cope with the idea of moving (he's only 21 and much older people are scared of moving) or going long distance and probably doesn't feel comfortable with either. maybe reduced contact is his way of dealing with the long distance aspect.

 

I'd give it a few weeks to settle, then have a heart to heart.