I'm not a geek... or am I?

[Kevin T]

I've been thinking about some stuff that has been said to me and I've been wondering: Maybe I really am a geek. I suppose that would explain why girls (at least the attractive ones anyway) want nothing to do with me.

 

So let's run off the check list so far for me:

 

- I'm skinny

- I don't like sports

- I'm not all that athletically inclined

- I am PERCEIVED to be very smart (even though I'm not that smart in reality)

- I used to be shy around girls (USED TO BE)

- I really enjoy playig video games (I know, HUGE geeky quality right there!)

- I can be rather quiet at times (though not all that often)

 

However,

 

- I don't wear glasses

- I don't dress at all like a geek; I wear nice, expensive clothes, jeans, polo shirts, sometimes dress shirts (I always thought I dressed a lot more like a prep, to be honest)

- I suck at math and science courses (heh, a 62 in Biology! C'mon!

- I know next to nothing about computers, except the very basics of how to turn one on and use the net, basically

- I'm not very technologically inclined

 

I can't think of anything else right now. So, what is the verdict? Am I a geek/nerd as I have been so branded? If so, this could be a good portion of the reason of why girls run from me like the plague.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I don't think you've reached full geekdom yet though since you don't know that much about computers, math, or science. But, I don't think there's anything wrong with guys being a little geeky (I'm a closet geek myself, and I like guys who I can talk sci-fi with).

[CynicalGuitarist]

the term "geek" is so loosely used that it's lost almost all of its meaning. Now being a geek is just used to describe someone who's strange, quiet, mysterious, or sometimes used to describe anyone who isn't obvious. Truth is, there are all kinds of geek... for almost every kind of hobby. So even if everyone calls you a geek, I think it's better than being called "normal".

[Holiday]

OMG, I think geeks are great! But like she said, to be a full-fledged geek and really get mileage out of it, become a champion at math, science, and computers. Geeks earn their gold that way.

 

Sports make you versatile in conversation. I recommend that everyone get at least a quick overview mainly because you can be conversational and you might even find yourself enjoying the rivalry between teams. It's as much about the fans as it is about the teams, know that. I recommend you not live one more year with complete disregard for this topic.

 

I also recommend you learn as much as you can learn about everything and stop caring about what people think. They are not worth it. But let your knowledge become an asset for you and it will also become an asset for others.

 

DO you have any passion for anything? Since it's not for computers, ect, (which honestly is what makes the geeks cool - their enthusiasm about things many of us could not grasp), what are you crazy about?

[Holiday]

You might just be a dork. Like me.

[arwen]

I think it has little to do with geekiness, I think a lot depends on self-confidence and the kind of girl you think you should attract. What defines a geek to you, and is that a negative concept? A lot of people who wear glasses are not geeks, I am in science and I like things like programming, but I also like sports, does that make me geeky? I think you shouldn't worry about things so much.

 

What you think about yourself is more important than what others think about you. You can work on your selfconfidence, but you cannot control how others perceive you.

 

Ilse

[nottoogreen]

You are not a geek,

 

I am an old geek.

 

You are an artist!

[Holiday]

So even if everyone calls you a geek, I think it's better than being called "normal".

 

For real, it beats boring.

[Holiday]

You are not a geek,

 

I am an old geek.

 

You are an artist!

 

THIS cracks me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Managor]

You might be introverted and dislike athletics, but I don't think that makes you a geek. Actually I'm not sure what's classified as being a geek anymore (suffice to say I would make a pretty good benchmark

[Hope75]

You might be surprised at how many girls are attracted to a so called 'geek'. My bf is 31 and he plays video games, does computer programming for the government for a living, is super intelligent, and quite geeky. (also has degrees in Physics and History).

 

These are some of the things that made me fall in love with him!

 

Nothing wrong with being a geek.

 

(my brother is also a geek- he has a degree in computer science and in fact, works for "GeekSquad", fixing computers for people- talk about getting the most mileage out of your geekdom!)

[Holiday]

Ditto

 

geek out because it is so in.

[bebecole]

whats wrong with being a geek?? if you enjoy what your doing then who cares!!

im seriously the biggest geek there is.. and you wouldnt tell on my appearance..

i love computers, video games, sci-fi, and im obessed with anime!!!

ALOT of people say im weird when they get to know me, all of my close friends say "im weird, but in a good way"

not sure if thats a good thing. but i can careless.

im a unique beautiful young female with a crazy personality and i wouldnt change being a geek for the world!!

[mystik]

Its not always geekiness that turns off a girl. "geekiness" is so hard to define sometimes. Though I love a guy who plays sports, I am also fine with guys who don't.

 

For me, it's their attitude and confidence....like how they deal with their so called "geekiness." If someone doesn't care that they might carry these typical traits, I wouldn't care either. Honestly Kevin, I think if there is anything that turns off these attractive females from you, it is that you care so much. I have read some of your earlier posts and the fact that you are so defensive about being labelled as such and care so much about it, is what would turn me off. Because seriously, who really cares? Who wants to be with a guy who is so concerned about whether he is a geek or not?

 

Anyway, unless we were to really meet you, we wouldn't be able to tell if you are a "geek."

 

I wear glasses sometimes, does that mean people perceive me as a geek?

[Kevin T]

whats wrong with being a geek?? if you enjoy what your doing then who cares!!

im seriously the biggest geek there is.. and you wouldnt tell on my appearance..

i love computers, video games, sci-fi, and im obessed with anime!!!

ALOT of people say im weird when they get to know me, all of my close friends say "im weird, but in a good way"

not sure if thats a good thing. but i can careless.

im a unique beautiful young female with a crazy personality and i wouldnt change being a geek for the world!!

 

Well, it's good you're so self-assured.

 

I just wanted to know if I was one or not. I suppose I could accept it, but albeit, grudgingly. I just don't see myself that way. (Oh, I hate sci-fi BTW.)

 

Interestingly, you sound almost exactly like the girl I liked. She didn't look at all like a geek, but she claimed she was one. She was fairly good looking, but was into computers, sci-fi (which I definitely am not), anime and video games. So we got along well. But getting along well just means you make a great "friend." And I have enough friends as is. lol

 

ilse, you said self confidence is key. I agree. I was just beginning to question this, especially after being shot down by this most recent person. Nevertheless, I know what you're saying and I don't dispute it. I certainly DON'T see myself as a geek or nerd at all, but I just had to ask an outside source. I've asked friends and family, but I feel they are too biased to give me an accurate answer (they all said no, BTW).

 

It's not that I don't believe in myself, but even my groundless self-confidence can be shaken at times in the face of rejection.

 

Mystik, I am a sensitive person, and I do not wish to change that aspect of myself. Sensitive people tend to be very warm and kind-hearted, so why should I change?

 

Also, it's hard to determine if a girl is a "geek" or whatever or not. At least IMO. So I can't really say either way. I'd hope no one would think of me that way if they met me IRL.

 

Another thing - where are all of these attractive girls who supposedly like geeks so much anyway? They sure as heck are not anywhere near where I live! lol

[MacGyverRI]

- I'm skinny

 

I'm not lol

 

 

- I don't like sports

- I'm not all that athletically inclined

 

me3

 

- I am PERCEIVED to be very smart (even though I'm not that smart in reality)

 

I am very very intelligent.

 

 

- I used to be shy around girls (USED TO BE)

 

Not a problem.

 

 

- I really enjoy playig video games (I know, HUGE geeky quality right there!)

 

I lived video games!! lol

"AKenCoFish" in Infantry, playing from Alpha test and 2 x's in the Hall of Fame.

 

 

- I can be rather quiet at times (though not all that often)

 

We all can be.

 

I'm not a Geek, more like a non-normal babe magnet (open for crit.)

 

Confidence is the thing you need to break the mold you think you're in.

[Kevin T]

I have confidence in myself (sometimes a little too much, honestly). But confidence doesn't make a physically unattractive person attractive. If it did, I'd be getting babes like no tomorrow! But I don't. It is hard to maintain a steady confidence in one's self when no one else believes in you, however. If all you ever seem to experience is failure after failure with women, you begin to realize that YOU are the problem, not them.

 

Confidence would not have turned this recent situation around. I'm not sure anything would've. Women are extremely hard to understand. It's like, "If you don't like me, then WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME FOR THE PAST THREE *&%& WEEKS?!" Doesn't make any sense. Why? Because she's a woman. lol

 

I won't even attempt to understand her (because she's a woman), but it could have been that I was a plan B. If things don't work out with Guy A, then I'll always have Kevin to fall back on. Bah! I won't play second fiddle to anyone.

[MacGyverRI]

But confidence doesn't make a physically unattractive person attractive.

 

If all you ever seem to experience is failure after failure with women, you begin to realize that YOU are the problem, not them.

 

Why? Because she's a woman. lol

 

Attractive is what others percieve you as, not what you think you are. i.e. I let my women friends pick out clothes for me because they are better at it and they make me look better than if I picked them out.

 

Failure is experience, you learn from it. Pick a diff. type of woman if the same type is always rejecting you.

 

"Because she IS a woman" is really the biggest problem......

 

 

 

You need something to set yourself apart from the other guys. Interesting hobbies? dancing?

 

 

I won't play second fiddle to anyone.

 

Actually they usually see the mistake and come back to the better person!

[CheerfulSprocket]

Hi Kevin,

 

I have to say, I've been following your threads for a while as well and I have to agree wholeheartedly with Mystik (incidentally I didn't read her post as indicating that she thought it was bad to be sensitive, kind-hearted, or warm or that you should change these qualities about yourself).

 

I think there's surface confidence and then there's confidence through and through. And sometimes actually this can be a good thing ("fake it til you make it" works wonders in some situations). But on the whole, the tenor of many of your posts indicates that maybe you are sometimes overly concerned or affected by the opinions of others.

 

Like this geek business. First, whoever said geek is bad?! I have only ever dated geeks because usually they are smart and more interesting with quirky habits and have a real passion for things. Also the most successful businessmen and women in the world are geeks!

 

Second, even if you accept that the majority of women believe a geek to be unattractive (though the responses from women on this board would seem to argue against this, but anyway), who cares what the majority think? You only need to be attractive to your partner, who you will find eventually.

 

Third, in the most unlikely event that you never meet your partner (very VERY unlikely), why embrace this kind of attitude anyway? It doesn't seem to be making you particularly content or happy.

 

I'm sure you're a great guy and have lots of talents and gifts and a lot of love to give to the right woman, so don't cheat yourself and her by accepting less than who you are. To me that's true confidence and truly attractive! Go you Kevin!

 

Spro

[Kevin T]

Thanks, Spro. That was nice of you.

 

Part of the problem with me is that I live in the present and can become very short-sighted. I get annoyed and frustrated that nothing is happening in my life (romance wise) and it irritates me to no end, even getting me to the point where I get discouraged and lose hope for a time.

 

I agree that I only need to be attractive to whomever I ultimately end up with, but I often get discouraged that I will definitely never meet her, etc. You say that women on this board seem to not mind, well, (I don't see myself that way anyway - and it was ME who said it was a bad thing, no one else. I see it as a very bad thing), that's fine... but my experience in real life has not been counterpart to what people say here.

 

People say, look don't matter, be content with who you are, girls like geeks, etc.

 

But in real life, it doesn't work that way. If it did, would I be complaining like this?

[Kevin T]

Attractive is what others percieve you as, not what you think you are. i.e. I let my women friends pick out clothes for me because they are better at it and they make me look better than if I picked them out.

 

Failure is experience, you learn from it. Pick a diff. type of woman if the same type is always rejecting you.

 

"Because she IS a woman" is really the biggest problem......

 

 

 

You need something to set yourself apart from the other guys. Interesting hobbies? dancing?

 

 

I won't play second fiddle to anyone.

 

Actually they usually see the mistake and come back to the better person!

 

Actually, I dress very well, so that is no issue. I have great taste.

 

I won't settle for less than what I want. I refuse. Even if it brings me nothing but misery, I will not acquiesce and take second best. Then I'd never truly be happy.

 

Interesting hobbies? Dancing?

 

Nope.

 

And... lol even if she somehow decided she liked me and didn't want the other guy, I would not accept. I'm not really into going out with someone who rejected me once already. As far as I am concerned, she no longer works there.

[Scout]

I won't settle for less than what I want. I refuse. Even if it brings me nothing but misery, I will not acquiesce and take second best. Then I'd never truly be happy.

 

Interesting hobbies? Dancing?

 

Nope.

 

People who are interesting and attractive to others typically have interests. Do you have any, other than video games? If so, maybe you should pursue them more so you could meet a kindred spirit.

 

You seem to feel you deserve only the best and refuse to settle for less. What is it about you that deserves this, and what do you feel qualifies as the "best"? Do you know what kind of girl you want? Do you have reason to believe this kind of girl should want you?

[mystik]

Hi Kevin,

 

I have to say, I've been following your threads for a while as well and I have to agree wholeheartedly with Mystik (incidentally I didn't read her post as indicating that she thought it was bad to be sensitive, kind-hearted, or warm or that you should change these qualities about yourself).

 

 

That's because I didn't say that lol. I don't mean to say that you should change yourself Kevin, because you can't help who you are. However, this is an advice forum and I was merely stating that perhaps you shouldn't care so much what people think. Nowhere did I make any statements regarding how warm and kind sensitive people are or aren't.

 

I have a question for you Kevin. Like Scout, I wonder why you seem to have such extreme standards. One little wrong thing that irks you and it's over, just like that. You seem to only accept perfection. When you asked about where the girls who liked geeks were, you specifically stated "the attractive girls." Now, do you find yourself to be overly attractive? It's fine if you do, but why is it that only "attractive" girls matter to you? I don't always date the most "attractive" guys and no, it's not because those are the only kinds of guys I can get. But I've come to realize that some 'average' guys in my eyes, become more attractive because their personalities are so great. I don't know, just seems like you have too high expectations of the opposite sex. How are girls supposed to prove themselves worthy of you if you hardly give them a chance?

[curbie]

the term "geek" is so loosely used that it's lost almost all of its meaning. Now being a geek is just used to describe someone who's strange, quiet, mysterious, or sometimes used to describe anyone who isn't obvious. Truth is, there are all kinds of geek... for almost every kind of hobby. So even if everyone calls you a geek, I think it's better than being called "normal".

 

I know this isn't the time/place...but Cynical...I LOVE the avatar man!

[rowboat]

Well I know a good deal about computers, I love video game(ok mainly sports ones), I am good at Maths, Physics, Science. However I don't really ever get branded a geek. I to dress well, have lots of friends, and I am outgoing, I guess I also like sports to some extent.

I don't think what you like or are good at make you a geek. You can be branded a geek for the most stupid reasons.