Background info(long)

[Hope75]

If anything, Im probably just a mild distraction. The phone rings, she deletes the message, goes back to her life. I just wonder if she's moved on, would she tell me to stop calling then? Im very scared that I might show up, while she has a "visitor" or when she's coming home from a date.Im not sure I could make the 4 hour drive back home.That would be devistating.

 

I wouldn't call receiving a phone call from someone who you are clearly showing by never returning them, every day for a year, a mild distraction. I think I'd be feeling like Pavlov's dogs did at about 7 pm every night.

 

Highly do not recommend going to see her.

[saltwatergirl]

If anything, Im probably just a mild distraction. The phone rings, she deletes the message, goes back to her life. I just wonder if she's moved on, would she tell me to stop calling then? Im very scared that I might show up, while she has a "visitor" or when she's coming home from a date.Im not sure I could make the 4 hour drive back home.That would be devistating.

 

If it were me, I would tell you to stop calling if I had moved on. Again this is just me, I don't know her, or what her feelings are, of if she really is fearful of you. I have no idea and neither do you since you havent spoken since March. I am pretty upfront---you hinted that she was the same, so I think she would have told you. As you can see there are many different viewpoints on that. However, this calling stuff isnt working. Right?

 

I don't know why, but I get a funny feeling from your posts. I also have a weird feeling that you are overstating the 'every day for a year' situation; again no idea why, I just think its an overestimate. maybe you've just called off and on...maybe it hasnt been a whole year.....something is off in your posts, i dont know what it is and I cant put my finger on it...

 

Anyone who would spend a year calling every every day at 8pm, but yet has been and continues to be too fearful to go see her in person, I dont know it doesnt add up. It's like running a 5K, and stopping 20 feet from the finish line. Something here just isn't right.

 

At any rate, you dont seem as though you really want to go see her. So in that case, just drop the idea, stop calling, and move on with your life.

I think at this point, you're just addicted to the misery. You've become a martyr, and you like it and are comfortable keeping it that way. You've built up the "long lost love" role and you are playing it. That isn't the same thing as being in love with someone.

 

This whole thing seems to be all about you; not her.

 

Salt

[friscodj]

Very insightful post! Well done!

[Netguy]

Yes, I was overstating the "everyday for a year". It's been a year, but I havent called every single day. Ive called most days, but not every one of them.

Honestly, the idea of just showing up never occurred to me. Ive never been one for grand gestures. I was ready to fill up my tank and drive over there after your first post, until I saw the other responses. But, what Im doing isn't working, obviously. And I need to know, one way or the other. My life will never go anywhere, this way. And, "what might have been" will always be on my mind. So, Im doing it. Im driving over to her place tomorrow evening, after she gets home from her parents' house. I'll be sure to let you all know how it goes. Wish me luck.

[friscodj]

Wish me luck.

 

Good luck bro! I hope you get your answer and use it to get yourself out of this unhealthy situation you're in now one way or another.

[Netguy]

Good luck bro! I hope you get your answer and use it to get yourself out of this unhealthy situation you're in now one way or another.

 

Thanks dude! Even though you were one that tried to talk me out of it. LOL

It's about time that I stood up and fought for this. After reading this, Im not sure what I thought I would accomplish by just a few phone calls every week. Im so glad I came here, and Im even more glad that I made this decision! I havent felt this good in a long while.

[friscodj]

Thanks dude! Even though you were one that tried to talk me out of it. LOL

It's about time that I stood up and fought for this. After reading this, Im not sure what I thought I would accomplish by just a few phone calls every week. Im so glad I came here, and Im even more glad that I made this decision! I havent felt this good in a long while.

 

I wanted you to really think about what you were doing, what was going on, and trust your best judgment on this. I put in my $0.02 on which way I thought that thinking should go...

 

It sounds like you did think about it and are doing what you really feel you need to do. I think that trumps any advice from a bunch of Internet strangers telling you otherwise, including myself. I just hope after this meeting, things turnaround for you and you don't revisit this emotional place you are in now...

[friscodj]

One more thought for you. Think of seeing her as a mission...a mission to get a answer one way or the other. Get the job done, focus on the job. Look her in the eye, say your piece, and then listen to her words and observe her actions to get your answer. Nothing more nothing less...

 

I can tell you there is a strong chance you won't like the answer you get, but if that happens, show class and professionalism just the same...that's the way to handle it...

 

And if this scenario presents itself, make this mission a one-shot deal and leave her alone...that's the right thing to do...

[Hope75]

Hi There Netguy,

 

Even though I still do not recommend what you are doing, I wish you luck and hope that you get the answer you are looking for, one way or another.

 

Have you thought about how you will feel if the answer is no? It might be a good idea to prepare yourself for that, just in case. (and also, if the answer is yes!)

 

I hope, as FriscoDJ has said, that either way, once you have this answer, you can let go of the phone calls and the nagging feeling that things are unfinished....and be able to move on with your life.

 

Let us know how things go!

[annie24]

YIKES!!! The last time a guy showed up to my door unnanounced and I had made it pretty clear I had no interest in him, I called the police!