I don't want to be FRIENDZONED!!! Ladies HELP!

[okane24]

What do I do!!!

 

Here's the situation. Mary is my co-worker. We used to sit right next to eachother but she moved depts and is now on a different floor, so I hardly see her at all.

 

I've known her for about 3 months now.

 

We have a lot of common interests, jogging, food, and now recently surfing.

 

Two weeks ago I actually went to her apt and picked up her board that she let me borrow.

 

Last Wednesday I took her out to lunch to thank her, first time we've hung out, just the two of us. Great conversation, laughing, getting to know eachother type of stuff. We talked about doing things together, like surfing, when she gets her new board, and going out to eat more often. Thats when she brought up this restaurant close to her apt that she wanted to try out.

 

So on Monday, I ask her to go try out this restaurant with me. She agrees.

I pick her up tonight, we have some dinner and wine, and have a great time. Getting to know you stuff, family, work, etc...Then I drop her off at home, use her restroom real quick and give her a hi five kind of goodbye. Didn't seem quite right for a hug, definitely not a kiss. Well, I could have hugged her, that woulda been cool, but didn't.

 

Here's the kicker, during dinner, she brings up dating and asks me the youngest girl I've ever dated and I say 21. Mary is 25 and I'm 29. We laugh about it and I ask her the youngest for her, she nonchalantly mentions a guy she is "hanging out" with that is 23. I play it cool and just ask how is it dating a younger guy, and she mentions the maturity isnt there. I then change topics. I DO NOT want to be her guy "friendzone" girlfriend...

 

Is it too late for me to get romantic with her? We sorta make plans to go out again to another restaurant in downtown. I mean its there, if I ask her, she'll go, but how should I proceed?

 

I NEED HELP!!! On the one hand, she is my co-worker and I do occasionally run into her. We do have mutual friends. So I don't want it to be awkward for her. On the other I want to date her and let her know I'm interested and find out where she's at, before she gets too serious w/this young dude (no offense to young dudes).

 

So, what do you girls make of this? Am I JUST her friend? Do I have a shot in the future? How do I change this around? Guys same question too.

 

Thanks for your help.

[JJRadical]

Here's the situation. Mary is my co-worker. We used to sit right next to eachother but she moved depts and is now on a different floor, so I hardly see her at all.

 

Best thing that could've happened. Absense makes the heart grow fond..every day is so cliche', boring (see that boring thread), and vulgar.

 

 

Last Wednesday I took her out to lunch to thank her, first time we've hung out, just the two of us. Great conversation, laughing, getting to know eachother type of stuff. We talked about doing things together, like surfing, when she gets her new board, and going out to eat more often. Thats when she brought up this restaurant close to her apt that she wanted to try out.

 

Well, I could have hugged her, that woulda been cool, but didn't.

It wouldn't have been cool and you would've been friend zoned for life...if she gets into a car accident and is ok give her a hug... save that, until you are out of the friendzone no hugs! Although i can't think of many things worse than a high-five...

 

I play it cool and just ask how is it dating a younger guy, and she mentions the maturity isnt there. I then change topics. I DO NOT want to be her guy "friendzone" girlfriend...

 

...now your thinking Nunka...

 

Is it too late for me to get romantic with her? We sorta make plans to go out again to another restaurant in downtown. I mean its there, if I ask her, she'll go, but how should I proceed?

 

Its not too late. But you need to rezero a bit and start redefining the game a bit...

 

So I don't want it to be awkward for her.

 

...quit talking yourself out of it...cause you got the same friends its going to be awkward? Those mutual friends are going to be jealous or rooting against you or gossiping like the 6oclock news. Concern yourself not what others think or what you might think she might think what others think (see how ridiculous your getting?)

 

On the other I want to date her and let her know I'm interested and find out where she's at, before she gets too serious w/this young dude (no offense to young dudes).

 

...women will tolerate alot of things but immaturity? I highly doubt he's got any chance and she's hanging with him cause she is bored and all the mature guys are too busy doubting themselves...something better comes along she's there...worst thing you can do is "find out where she's at."...your not stressed at all by this dude...on the contrary its quite amusing...he is actually helping you...

 

Its hard to go from friend to lover cause she knows what to expect from you already...the spell is broken...for initial attraction there needs to be alittle tension or excitment or mystery or something...predictability is an attraction killer when friendzoned...

 

Here would be my plan...its not for everybody and the "just be yourself and talk to her types" will disagree but...

 

1)step back in terms of consistency...stop calling her, she calls you tell her you'll call her right back and then don't or skip a call or two of hers, and then say you forgot if she asks.

2)start crossing lines...this step requires alittle tact or it will be obvious..teasing her about things you guys share of eachother, being playful with communicating with her, don't worry about offending her and if you do well then the better, stirred emotions translate well to attraction...just don't send the "weird" vibe by fronting...be very loose and relaxed when around her...no expectations...your there to try the food not be up in her grill...don't get all nuts about time, logisitics, and planning of these get togethers...going surfing with her would be good too...

3)Add alchohol to the equation of one your hang outs

[okane24]

I'll definitely try out that advice. I wanna surprise her and take her to this salsa club we talked about. Theres great food at the restaurant upstairs and then we can drink and go downstairs and take some lessons. Get physical with her. Hows that sound? My only reservation is that some Don Juan might or will whisk her away with his pro salsa moves. I'm just a beginner. Thanks for the info by the way.

[JJRadical]

I'll definitely try out that advice. I wanna surprise her and take her to this salsa club we talked about. Theres great food at the restaurant upstairs and then we can drink and go downstairs and take some lessons. Get physical with her. Hows that sound? My only reservation is that some Don Juan might or will whisk her away with his pro salsa moves. I'm just a beginner. Thanks for the info by the way.

Your welcome. Dancing is great...don't worry about some Don Juan...if some dude does try to cut in its ok...she is going to be looking for your reaction...don't feel threatened by it...no competivtive streak...once she sees you aren't fazed your in...

[Tigris]

Just ask her out somewhere and say I want it to be a date.

 

If you wait too long someone will get in there first.

 

Good luck

[okane24]

Thanks guys. Got frazzled yesterday night. She showed up late at this bonfire we had for the coworkers and friends and she brought the young dude. I didn't meet him. I was really thrown off. I sort of ignored her. We were all about to leave, so she was only there for like 15 minutes, but when they left she came up to me and started talking. To be honest, I have no clue what she even said. I was pissed/mad/whatever that I saw the guy she was "hangin out" with. He wasn't even all that.

 

Anyhow she left and I was kinda cold and said, bye, no hug, no real acknowledgement.

 

Not sure exactly what to do. A) Give up completely B) Ask her tomorrow at work to go salsa dancing on Wed or Thurs night and let her know I'm interested, or C) ignore her for a little while and she if she asks me to go eat or hang out.

 

She is getting her surf board soon and we're supposed to go surfing together. But I don't want it to be just "as friends"

 

I'm willing to take a risk and make it awkward and lose her as a friend if she doesn't go out with me.

 

I want to date her, not just be her guy friend on the side.

 

Any suggestions would be great. I'm a little on tilt right now. (poker term for when you're losing a lot of money and you keep spending money thinkin you'll win it back and make dumb choices cuz you're not thiinking straight.)

[Tigris]

Just because she turned up with that guy doesn't mean they're dating. If I was in your shoes I'd just tell her you like her a lot and the two of you get on well together and ask her on a date.

 

Good luck.

[samis]

Thanks guys. Got frazzled yesterday night. She showed up late at this bonfire we had for the coworkers and friends and she brought the young dude. I didn't meet him. I was really thrown off. I sort of ignored her. We were all about to leave, so she was only there for like 15 minutes, but when they left she came up to me and started talking. To be honest, I have no clue what she even said. I was pissed/mad/whatever that I saw the guy she was "hangin out" with. He wasn't even all that.

 

Hey, this sounds like a situation I was in a while back. It wasn't a coworker but a woman (both of us in our very late twenties) in a group/club that met every month for a couple years.

 

My advice... ignore the other guy. Unless your friend explicitly says they're "going out", she's keeping her options open. The less she says about him to you, the better.

 

As to whether that means she wants to date you in particular, the only way to know for sure is to ask her on a date. And you've already seen her a couple times outside the context of work.

 

So, just ask her out on a Thursday or Friday night. How she responds will say more than all the analyzing in the world you will ever do.

[Tigris]

Yeah, it's time for you to ask her out.

 

Good luck