reclaiming your life

[Oldboy]

I'm traumatized by the way in which she turned on me, broke up with me, and also how she has been able to go on without contacting me once. We did everything together, we were all each other had, we were engaged. I believed we had an unbreakable bond.

 

 

A month and a half later I am alone and still in a state of shock.

 

Bsrong2day, you're on your knees. She has put you there. Get up and walk out the door and don't look back. If she has turned on you; turn your back on her and walk away with dignity. She is gone you must know this in your heart.

There is no such thing as an unbreakable bond. I know this to my cost believe me. I am still in the throes of realizing this. You must do too.

She will check up on you in the future… to see what you’re up to. What do you want her to see? You want her to regret dumping you because of the state you’re in? No. You want her to regret because you are going to be the man she wants to be with because you have inner strength and the abs of a young Hollywood superstar. So get to work on yourself physically and mentally. Exercise works wonders for emotional wellbeing. Believe what you read about it. But your inner strength must come from your own thoughts. Make your thoughts your own not hers. Thoughts for the future not the past. The past is gone.. never to come back. The future can be made but YOU make it. At the moment she has your future in her hands. You are giving her it. Whose future is it? Your future at the moment is one of pain and woe. You have the choice to grab hold of it and make it good. You can get through this. Believe in yourself. If you do then she might as well. She might come back to you. But not right now. You know this. You gotta get up on your feet and work. Free yourself from her.

If she comes back would it be for the rights reasons? She’s got to want to come back and be with you again. You don’t want her to come back and be too high maintenance…. Having to be guarded in what you say, being tooooo nice, catering too much to her needs. You’ve got to be yourself around her. If someone wants to be with you they will take you as you are faults and all. You don’t have need in a relationship. Need is just need not love

[chai714]

bstrong,

 

Reading your posts is like reading about all the emotions I experienced during my breakup.

 

You might be relieved to know that I felt exactly how you feel now - my world was over, I was crushed, thoughts of her invaded my head every second of every day, I would break down emotionally, physically, spiritually. It literally brought me to my knees and my world felt completely over. I was in a complete state of shock, disbelief, fearful, and was even afraid to sleep because I would dream about her.

 

That was 2 years ago. I came out alright though.

 

I think a few things I did were vital:

 

1) Kept a journal. I wrote and wrote and wrote about everything on my mind. This helped me get thoughts on my mind onto paper and gave me some relief, a little at a time.

 

2) Psychology sessions. I saw a psychologist for a few months. This helped some as I was given various psychological assignments.

 

3) Worked out like a madman. I had a million different emotions coming to me at once. Happy, sad, worried, fearful, confused, shocked, miserable, etc. Working out helped clear my head and wore me out so I could get some shuteye at night.

 

4) Starving? Drink your food. I lost 12 pounds in 3 weeks because I wasn't eating because I wasn't hungry. Once I stepped on the scale, I knew I had to eat to live and since I wasn't hungry, I pounded 3 ensure cans a day to keep me alive.

 

5) Find a friend, talk to him about it. Fortunately, I had a good friend who listened to me tell the same story 1000 times. Each time, he simply listened. I finally got tired of telling it.

 

Listen,

 

As crappy as you feel right now, I guarantee you will get through this. Sure, it will take time and maybe even lots of it. Nobody heals overnight though. Take as much time as you need and post here if it makes you feel better. Hang in there, you're going to make it out.

[bstrong2day]

thank you guys. I need your posts tattooed on my body as inspiration to keep going on. Today was another bad day. The only real friend I have left out here told me he is moving back to Boston next month. I didn't think it could get any worse.

[Oldboy]

thank you guys. I need your posts tattooed on my body as inspiration to keep going on. Today was another bad day. The only real friend I have left out here told me he is moving back to Boston next month. I didn't think it could get any worse.

 

Bstrong2day; It could get worse buddy. You gonna let it? You gonna look for things to make this worse.? Or you gonna look for things to make it better?

Take heed of the people in this post who are here for you and post back your thoughts and feelings. Each day they will get better. Who knows how long it will take before you are healed. But you will get there. Start telling yourself that. Believe in yourself and believe in your friends here.

[need2bme]

bstrong: I KNOW what it is like to miss someone so terribly and KNOW there was plenty you could have done. I know in my case, if I remember carefully, I saw it coming.

 

In your case, you did not. You got blind sided. Se had to have been thinking about this for a while.

 

Oldboy wrote:

 

 

She will check up on you in the future… to see what you’re up to. What do you want her to see? You want her to regret dumping you because of the state you’re in? No. You want her to regret because you are going to be the man she wants to be with because you have inner strength and the abs of a young Hollywood superstar. So get to work on yourself physically and mentally.

 

and it could not be more true.

 

 

Dude, get on over to Doyle's thread. He got blindsided too. Maybe he can help. He and I talk frequently and it helps. I have actually made a friend on here and it is one that understands how it is.

[pedro]

Hey bstrong2day

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this difficult time. I was feeling exactly what you described after by gf of 5 years dumped me. I thought my world was going to end and that I'd never see the light.

 

The first 2-3 months were the toughest to deal with. I lost 10 pounds, closed my self off from friends and the things that brought me joy in life, and thought about her constantly

 

...then I went on a 3 week trip to Europe by myself and I found that I could survive on my own. I met so many interesting people that it was a great healing experience. Sure, there were times when I thought about my ex and missed her terribly, but the break was good for the soul.

 

Now almost 6 months later, I'm doing much better, thinking about and wanting my ex less and less, and the most important of all...I'm taking care of MYSELF. You must start again and re-create a new life for yourself. YOU MUST BE THE PRIORITY. It's hard to see that now, but you.

 

I finally realize that true happiness comes from within and not from what others give you.

 

We're here for you. Continue to talk and vent to us. It's all a part of the healing process. Just don't shut yourself off to the world. That would cause you more pain in the long-run.

 

Hang in there buddy.

 

DP

[icarus27]

bstrong2day,

 

it's been a long time since your post - i hope you're doing much better these days.

 

your words at the start of this thread almost perfectly mirror my own status at the moment. i've been reading the good advice from others to see a way ahead.

 

good wishes.