Anti-depressants after break-up?

[bstrong2day]

I have always been one to shy away from any medication that would alter my mental status. I don't smoke, drink, or use illegal drugs. Throughout my entire life I have eaten right and exercised on a daily basis.

 

This break-up has completely derailed my life. I've been lost and not myself anymore. I know break-up's are supposed to be hard, but, right now I am on the verge of not being able to function on a daily basis. It's been over a month now, and I can't eat, sleep, nor perfom at work. All I can think about is the break-up, and how I put myself in this situation. My co-workers are very concerned with my well-being, and have asked that I take some time off. This was a rude awakening for me.

 

I am curious what your thoughts are in regards to taking an anti-depressant after a break-up? I've been pretty close-minded on the subject in the past, although I am out of answers right now, and am willing to try anything that will help me function on a daily basis, survive this hell, and plan a better future for myself. If I went this route, I would plan to stop the use of medication once I returned to a productive member of society.

 

I'd prefer not to mask the pain. Do anti-depressants really mask the pain, or do they just lift you from rock bottom? Does the pain return once you cease use of this these drugs?

 

You know what? If the heartache and pain left, I would actually miss it. That sounds so strange, yet it's true. I've had so many unforgettable wonferful memories with my ex, and when I re-live them I feel both happiness and sadness. It's a double-edged sword. I would feel guilty if the pain left because that meant that I didn't care. That's not true though. I'll always care. I guess that's just part of acceptance and letting go. How do I let go of someone I loved so much, someone I planned my future around?

 

My counselor as well as doc approached me about taking zoloft for the anxiety/depression.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[novaseeker]

I would speak with your doctor if I were you.

 

It may not be an anti-depressant, but an anti-anxiety med that may help you. What you are going through is really extended separation anxiety. Meds can help you move beyond that, or manage it more effectively while it is very hot and heavy. As for the "pain" itself, only time heals that. The meds don't mask it as much as help you manage it, or rather, reestablish some chemical equilibrium in your brain so that you can function.

 

Don't look at it like drugs or alcohol, which make your brain function abnormally. These meds actually help your brain function the way it should, rather than the dysfunctional way it is working now because of the anxiety you are experiencing.

[blueberrypie]

I would feel guilty if the pain left because that meant that I didn't care.

 

I don't agree with this. You can care without pain. Actually, you can care more, since it doesn't hurt you.

Easier said than done. I can't do it myself, but I thought you may want to hear this.

Don't feel sorry because you are not sad/depressed for non-working relationship, or it doesn't hurt you any more. It would make you feel better if one day, you can think of your ex without feeling sad. Then you can even smile when you think about her.

[shes2smart]

I'd prefer not to mask the pain. Do anti-depressants really mask the pain, or do they just lift you from rock bottom? Does the pain return once you cease use of this these drugs?

 

My experience with anti-depressants wasn't so much a masking of the pain, but more a lopping off of the extremes of emotions. It certainly does stabilize your mood, which makes it possible for you to deal with the situation -- if you choose to.

 

It's my opinion that where some people go wrong with the meds is that they expect the meds to "fix" the situation. That's not how it works. You still have to resolve the issues and make the changes....the meds make it a little easier for you to focus on doing that. Some folks get stuck into liking that "no extreme emotions" thing...they get comfortable and don't deal with the issues...which is a big mistake.

 

Now, I didn't go on the meds because of a romantic break-up. My break down was 100% work related (basically I was employed by people who attempted to work me to death). Anyhow, the meds made it possible for me to stay employed there for the short term until I could line up another job. Had I tried to go through that without the meds, it would've have been so much more difficult to do the work of finding another job....not to mention going to work every day for the people who were instrumental in putting me in that position. On the plus side, it's amazing how an employer will kiss your butt and tiptoe around you when they know you've got medical documentation that they messed you up big time. On the meds, when stuff would go on at my old job and I'd start to get pissed off, it would pass...almost like it was too much effort to get bent outta shape.

 

I likened it to floating in a tubful of body temperature water. It's nice and warm and comfy, but after a while you start to lose track of where "you" end and the water begins.

 

You know what? If the heartache and pain left, I would actually miss it. That sounds so strange, yet it's true.

 

Nope, doesn't sound strange at all. After about 3 months on the meds, I started to miss having any strong emotions. While in some respects, being unable to be "bothered" by any strong emotions was helpful...but it did feel like the colors had all faded...if you can understand that....

 

My counselor as well as doc approached me about taking zoloft for the anxiety/depression.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

I'm pretty much against trying to medicate your problems away, however, there are times when your brain chemistry gets so out of whack that it needs a little help to get back on track. There are also some people who have brains that don't function chemically as well as they should.

 

I know when I had my crash, I was well aware that there was something horribly wrong with the way my brain was functioning. I simply wasn't "me" anymore, and I hadn't been for several months. My crash was pretty spectacular -- puking, crying, locking myself in the bathroom and screaming about how incompetent I was -- for 2 hours. I'm not prone to dramatics like that, so something was way the hell off. My husband and my cat have my undying gratitude for sticking right there with me through the whole episode...but anyway....

 

I knew when I went to the doc the next day, he was going to suggest meds. I agreed to it only when he agreed it was going to be a short term thing. I refused to be on them indefinitely. He said the minimum would be 6 months...if I wouldn't agree to that and going to counseling, he wasn't going to put me on them. I already had a therapist from a few years back, so I just went back to her. I got another job 4 months later. I went off the meds in 6 months as planned.

 

The long-winded point I'm making here is if you are not feeling like "yourself"...and it's been going on for a while and not getting any better, you might want to consider going on meds short-term. Kind of kick-start your brain, y'know? I suspect that you wouldn't allow yourself to slack off dealing with your break-up even if you used the meds because of your overall outlook.

 

It helped me to think of the anti-depressant meds like an antibiotic -- killing off the bacterial overgrowth that was making me ill, until my own immune system could take over. Now, I know that's not how they work in your body, but thinking of them that way made it a little more palatable for me to be on them when I had to be.

[bstrong2day]

Thanks for the insight. I am a very caring human being, and have great emotional depth. That's what makes me who I am. I am fearful that if I go on medication I may feel disconnected and unable to experience the extreme emotions that come with life (ie. love, sadness, etc.). The rawness of life. That being said, I have to get up in the morning and go to work everyday. My current state is crucial. I'm at a crossroads. I need to take steps to healing.

[blender]

Please do not take any meds for this sadness, just feel it, and although it feels overwhelming, taking any meds will only postpone your grieving, BE PROUD that you can feel this deeply, this is NOT a bad thing, sometimes in life we just have to be "sad" for a bit, cry in the shower, (I did this for almost 8 months after my break up), and feel all the feelings, learn from them that YOU are a caring, sensitive, very alive person, who will meet someone who has the same emotional depth as you at some point and you will be more understanding of yourself at that time.

 

This "pain is an opportunity" to find out that you actually posess the courage to pick yourself up and think, "yeah I'm going to hurt big time and this sadness is devastating, but I can make it through this", and you will.

 

I couldn't even go to the grocery store without sobbing, couldn't drive my car, couldn't listen to music, everything made me cry after my break up, I could barely function, but day by day, I started to separate my 'FEELINGS from the FACTS" and then I started to realize that FATE just had a different plan for me, and I even faked my smile for awhile,

 

till I started to notice that when I too the time and asked SOMEONE ELSE how they were doing, it took the focus off of my own self absorbed sadness, and I started to heal, and you will too... I promise you this... excersize, even a twenty minute walk will make you feel better, it releases natural anti-depresents into your brain physically anyway, and it's much better for you and your butt actually gets smaller too!

[blender]

P.S. try to remember that you only have to get through today, one day at a time, you are going to get through this, if I can, anyone can, believe me, you sound just like I did, YOU ARE AMAZING, you are going to work each day and getting through this already, give yourself some credit and don't get too addicted to your sadness, you PRECIOUS LIFE deserves better, and feelings won't kill you, they will make you stronger.

 

So much of our Pain comes for the "resistance" and when we start to choose "acceptance" of our "percieved" loss, (who we hoped the ex would be in our lives, they are NOT that person, so we are only losing what we "hoped" they were, not who they turned out to be) well once we accept this, we can then start to heal...

 

Be "accepting" that fate just has a different plan in store for you than the one you were "hoping" for, because those are your "feelings" the FACTS are, that your miracle is right around the corner, and the best is yet to come... Be proud of yourself and let go and let god.

[searching1951]

All the posts on this thread are unusually articulate and thoughtful. It really amazes me at how life-altering, even life-threatening, a break-up can be. I'm surprised the lawyers haven't gotten into this..the pain you are going through is worse than a felony battery...it is very real. We put our trust in another human being, usually one who encourages us to do so, and we literally betrayed, knifed in the back, and left in a pool of our own blood to die.

 

I am now 3 months out of the most prompt and shoking break up I've ever been trough. While my divorce of 10 years ago was worse, more drawn out, and less decisive, in this case I was completely lied to, and betrayed withinan instant. I won't restate the story here. But it was traumatic.

 

My first month was like yours. In fac, I'f say my first 2 months were sureal. However, at some point things got a little betetr. I could funcion again. Now 3+ months out I still cry, I am still having bad days, but I'm also having good ones. Things are definitely better.

 

You may want to consider 2-3 weeks leave, and go away..are there relatives you could visit? Get away from your familiar surounds..give time a chance to work.

 

I understand competely the desire to hold onto the pain. If you think about it you will realize that there are countless things you hold onto in a strange way to preserve the illusion of the relationship... my ex was a smoker, but I am not, yet I started smoking in the breakup...to virtually connect to her.

 

TIME...it will work. And it only works if you have established complete NC. I recommend that you see what you can do without mood meds .. unless as the above poser says, you know that you are really over the edge.

[temujin]

Hi Bstrong2day.

 

Frankly, I was literally dragged to the doctor because I fainted two times from lack of sleep and food in the first 2 months of the breakup. Like what was mentioned below, the medicine does not TAKE AWAY the pain, it only gives you more control over your moods and behavior meaning that you will be able to concentrate. I went off the meds myself after 1-2 months after I settled my job problems and went on a 2 months vacation. Well the pain returned but I took steps to change my life and fill it with positive moments that allow me to be happy and to know that I am happy without someone to stab me in the back.

 

So take the meds if you have to, just to make sure you survive at least the worst, but also keep on making changes or improvements so that you will feel happy later on.

[SuzieB]

I started taking antidepressants after a break up about 5 years ago for anxiety/depression. They have helped, but they all carry some level of dependency and are difficult to get off of when the time is right. You have to gradually do it. Playing the game I like to call "Musical pills" cant be healthy. I have flip-flopped from several different ones and I would just like to know the real me again. Be careful.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I have been on here since March I think and I was not coping, and then I actually started healing. It was a year since my life fell of track and she chose her ex over me, then she started texting me to be my friend in the summer.

 

Man that through me off so bad. I have been on anti anxiety and depression for a month...I sometimes fear its not natural or genuine happiness, but then sometimes i can sense myself is starting to come back. It takes a couple months to kick in, so go to a doctor.

 

Usually you have to be very sure of your depression/anxiety. Go get the help, it will save your sanity. It is helping me get my life back on track, dont be ashamed to be on it. Its not permanent in most cases.

 

Half the world is on prozac. Just get some relief if its affecting your life, it will really help with your emotional pain. There use to be no help for the pain, now its there.

 

I say definatly go for it. I will not be on this forever most likely, and I can say it has helped me a little.

[moonflowers]

One thing I do have to note is that SSRI's (antidepressants like Zoloft, Prozac) can help someone detach from a former lover if they find themselves too stuck on the ex long after the breakup. Sometimes being too hung up about an ex is a kind of obsession, and people with obsessions tend to have lower levels of serotonin than average. In that case, an antidepressant could help raise serotonin levels and help break free of the obsession faster.

 

Of course, the natural way "out" would be to do things that make you happy and raise your mood, or even exercising, since happiness and exercise are both related to higher serotonin levels too.

[desertnomad]

Personally I wont take antidepressants anymore. I know they are good for a few people but in my case it was the circumstances that was the cause. I did find that one helped me to level off a bit during my toughest times but I didnt like the side effects such as eating alot or the withdrawl symptons were pretty awful (effexor was the worst in my case). They dont solve the problems of life either which is what we are really looking for anyways...answers. But I know they help some people so its just an individual thing. But if they dont seem to help much or at all after the first couple of months theres no point in continuing to take them. If they do help...then great.

[Wimpy]

No-one can tell you what to do of course but I've been on Prozac - a few years ago....related to life, personal hang-ups etc etc. I'd been off them for a year when my ex broke up with me.

 

The depression I then slumped into was "reactive" rather than "clinical". To be down and at rock bottom only a month after a break-up is totally normal and to be expected.

 

My understanding and experience of anti-depressants is that they can help re-set the balance of serotonin levels etc but I'm not sure they can help "fast-track" the inevitable despair you feel after a break-up.

 

I've been suffering very bad mood swings again for the past few months and finally have started on St John's Wort to see whether that can help level them out. Truth is I'm not sure where they've come from. I know I'm still not 100% over the break-up which happened last April but I also know that I'm 100 times better than I was. I've had a great year this year and a FANTASTIC holiday to the States from which I returned rejuvenated and feeling great and then BANG! I hit a slump again. After 2 months almost I decided to try the St John's Wort....still early days.

 

So, I guess the reason I'm telling you all this is to say that low moods etc etc are really to be expected after something as emotionally draining as a break-up. The ultimate decision is yours but I just know that having suffered from clinical depression and low moods/fluctuating moods all my adult life (but only doing something about it in my 30's) what I experienced after my break-up in terms of feelings wasn't the same.

 

Mmmmm perhaps I have not made myself clear.

 

Sorry if I've confused you more.