Obsessed/really attracted to someone before?

[Lily04]

I was just wondering if anyone here in the past has ever been really attracted to someone to the point where it was actually an obsession? What did you do & how did it work out? I am not obsessed with someone now but have been in the past and am curious about how people deal with it.

[sumguy]

Back in high school I was absolutely obsessed with this girl. It started out as a crush, but evenutally thinking about her consumed everything, being around her - even if it meant skipping out on family and other friends - took all priority, I dreamt about her every night...

 

It was one of the best, and one of the worst, feelings of my life. Everytime she talked or looked at me, my heart went faster and my stomach went butterflies, I practically melted when she laughed...

 

My grades fell, I isolated several people, My family thought I was doing drugs, teachers thought I was an idiot...

 

It eventually dissolved on its own, sort of just faded over the course of the Christmas Holidays, and the next time I talked to her I felt nothing other than a friendly affection.

 

I'm fairly sure I was obsessed, but I don't think that's much help in the "How did you deal with it" part... =P

[BlueWolf]

Does staying up until 2-3am in the morning not being able to sleep for a whole week count?

That was quite literally torture, and it wasn't any fun at all.

Looking back on it now I don't know what the hell I was thinking. That crush just passed, thank God.

[Dako]

I went through a similar phase as sumguy years ago. I was indecisive and focused only on her. It was all-consuming, so we got married.

[Cadence308]

I've been obsessed before. Probably my most obsessed person was this older woman crush. I liked the way she looked me up and down, her laugh, her NY accent, her mannerisms. She was perfect in my eyes. I liked her, but when I moved far away, that's when my obsession with her started. I wanted more emails, more talking on the phone. I missed her and wanted to see her. Soon I was questioning my sexuality because she was starting to consume my thoughts.

 

I'm still feeling obsessed. I'm not over it, yet and it's been almost 2 years. I hope someone can give us some advice. I know that once you develop another crush or intense feelings for someone else then you can be over that crush, but until then....](*,)

[chigal28]

I was completely obsessed with my ex, whom I dated for about six months last year. I thought about him ALL the time, worrying about what he thought of me, whether we were ok, spending all my time with him, etc. It got to the point where one of my best friends said I wasn't acting like myself anymore, and I just seemed to be "going through the motions" with every aspect of my life that didn't have to do with him, ie. work and hanging out with friends.

 

I love my current bf to death, he makes me happy, and I love spending time with him, but I'm not obsessed. It's a lot less nerve-wracking, that's for sure.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I had an obsession, I thought it was love, but when I think about it now I know it wasn't love. Love doesn't hurt like that did, it really was a dark and horrible feeling. I know what love should really feel like, it doesn't make you feel broken or worthless, it doesn't make you feel insignificant and ignored, obession does that. Love is happiness and warmth, you may hurt when you miss the one you love, but it's a bitter-sweet hurt. You know your love misses you too and when you meet all that disolves in an instant. Seeing your obsession only fuels the pain and makes you more obsessed.

[flypaper]

Yeah, I was obsessed with my old boyfriend. I used to wake up at 3am after about two hours sleep and not feel comforted until i was as near to him as humanly possible. I would go to his house (about a 20min bike ride away) and sit outside on his garden wall (rain or shine) and wait until he came out for school. Sometimes he would let me come in to the house and i'd miss school for him, other times he'd ignore me and get on his bus to school. Sometimes we were going out, sometimes we wern't. I didn't care one way or the other, I just wanted to be near to him. At one point he started dating my 'best friend', this didn't put me off either. I just felt I needed him or I'd die.

I lost all of my friends at school, as they all hated him and couldn't see why I wanted him after what he'd done to me (cheated and lied many times). At the time I just thought they didn't understand and that they didn't know him as well as I did.

My grades suffered as I missed school. I missed school injections.

I never really got over him until we broke up (he slept with my best friend [different one] and then started a new relationship whilst with me).

Obsession makes you feel like a second rate person, like you don't deserve the life you've been given. It makes you feel that no matter what you do, you'll never be good enough. And that feeling can stay for a long time after.

 

Now I'm in a great relationship with the experience and hindsight to never do that again!!

[TheRedQueen]

I went through a similar phase as sumguy years ago. I was indecisive and focused only on her. It was all-consuming, so we got married.

 

Gee, how romantic.

 

I used to get obsessive over guys from a distance, but the second they'd get close, my obsession and attraction would cease. What ends up happening is, you realize that it was all in your head and the person will never live up to the fantasy you've created.

[easyguy]

A year or so ago I started talking to this girl online who I knew of, but didn't know in person. She and I went to different schools. I knew she was single (ala mySpace profile), and so was I. I did see her at a couple functions, but was hesitant to talk to her. After a couple weeks of heavy flirting, teasing, and talking online, she bursts my bubble by bluntly saying that she is not interested, and that she is about to start dating someone (not me unfortunately). At this point I had been daydreaming about her to the point of obsession. I even dreamt about her one night. We were both grown up and in Europe at some museum (nostalgic to a trip I went on a few years ago), probably on a honey-moon, and the mood seemed almost heaven-like. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I thought she was an angel.

 

Over time it started to fade away, and now I rarely talk to her. In fact, I stopped talking to her almost completely after she started dating whoever it was. I never told her that I wanted to date her, but I tried to show that through the flirting, teasing, and countless hours of talking. I think she got it, but she was apparently just being herself, or being misleading.

 

There have been other crushes over the years (a couple that I acted on, too), but none can top one that I had growing up as a child. Let's call her A. She and I went to this community center everyday during the summer when we were pre-teens, and before long we both ended up at another teen hang-out spot not far from that one once we got older. We rarely talked to each other, but I must have had a crush on her for years. If I wasn't so shy, innocent, and anti-social, then I probably would have worked up the courage to talk to her and get to know her. She was a very sporty girl, and was the star player on the basketball team in high school. A close friend of hers, who we'll call S, always hung out with her during the early days and kind of knew that I liked her. I found myself sitting next to her at a park one day, and she asked me, "Do you like her?", and I naturally said, "I don't know," trying to change the conversation. I went a M's (pro) baseball game one time (as I always did), and saw both of them several rows down from my friend and I. They spotted us by accident, and we waved and acknowledged each other, but I was too shy to go down there and sit with them. As years passed we drifted apart. Then of all times, my last semester in high school, her friend S sat next to me in one of my classes. She never brought up the subject, but if she did, I would be honest with her. "A" has sure changed a lot, and honestly, it kind of blew my fantasy of her once I got to high school.

[Considerate Empath]

While abstinence through obedience to contentment may be a part of the answer in curing obsession, in truth I don't know that there is any 100% cure from the obsession ever returning.

 

Obsession is like a case of insanity that comes and goes like the flu - and since obsession comes to almost all of us sooner or later (like the flu), you're not weaker in any way for being obsessed with something.

 

Obsession is like desire magnified 100 times, which blocks out all sane and reasonable thoughts. Since there's so many desires one can have, there's so many obsessions one can get. And even though it's not always bad, it mostly is only because of the fact that you can't think straight... You can't patiently and objectively look at the facts for what they are and make sound decisions rather than compulsive reactions.

 

It's crazy to read the newspapers every day about men who absolutely just had to be rich even if it meant risking death or imprisonment to rob a well guarded bank. Or the obsessed boyfriend who pursues a woman so fervently his every effort only drives her that much further away. Or people so obsessed with fame they abandon all else only to find themselves amongst the panhandling homeless years later. The day-trading stock purchasers who lose all and return to their broker's office in rage armed with more than just lethal intent. The woman so self absorbed with her own path of happiness she would rather leave her newborn in a trash dumpster or down an abortion doctor's sink than complicate her life raising it.

 

 

[by the way, this is mostly (the most important and interesting things) taken out of a site I found about the subject - link removed - mixed with my own thoughts and opinions. Go to the site and read some more if you're interested

 

 

Hope this helped!

 

 

//C.E.

[Kevin T]

I've dealt with it in the past, usually by getting my hopes up by thinking positively, only to have the inevitable weight of reality come crashing down into the situation.

 

So, what usually has happened is, I get all psyched up and tried to ask the object of my desire out. Well, eventually I get to decision day and go for it. And generally (not always), I make a complete fool of myself by pursuing someone who has no interest in me.

[House]

I've dealt with it in the past, usually by getting my hopes up by thinking positively, only to have the inevitable weight of reality come crashing down into the situation.

 

So, what usually has happened is, I get all psyched up and tried to ask the object of my desire out. Well, eventually I get to decision day and go for it. And generally (not always), I make a complete fool of myself by pursuing someone who has no interest in me.

 

I'm obsessed with this girl I have known for years right now. I thought I had gotten over her when I started liking another girl (who has a b/f, broke up with him and got back together again), but the truth is I have never gotten over her.

 

I could never get the courage to ask her out, I keep trying to talk myself out of it, saying that any kind of signs that I might be getting are her playing with me or aren't real. I'm not sure * * * to do... So confused...

[Lily04]

Considerate Empath -- thank you for your message, it really helped me personally. I can't believe you're only 16!! Bravo for being so mature so young. =)

 

I really do feel like that... like obsession is something that engulfs you, blocks out your rationality & distorts perceptions... and that is what disappointed me the most. Reading that really helped. And it is definitely possible to get over, as I have in the past. It really just requires a realization of how obsessed you've become & stepping back from it. Seeing things in perspective. For me it was to literally stop googling, stop visiting my crush's website (permanently! which I did) and realize why he wasn't perfect for me... or why he was incompatible which is the case if one of you decides not to date. It was hard & I know what some of you are going through.... but once you're over it, it is a great feeling. The only 'bad' feeling perhaps is when you truly realize just how obsessed over someone u were, when that person really wasn't worth it!

 

Thanks again,

 

Lily

[Considerate Empath]

Considerate Empath -- thank you for your message, it really helped me personally. I can't believe you're only 16!! Bravo for being so mature so young. =)

 

 

Thank you

 

 

//C.E.

[Dako]

CE,

 

Excellent description! You're proof that age and wisdom aren't interdependant.

[Lily04]

I honestly think the worst part of obsession is when you realize that the object of your obsession isn't even respectful and is definitely NOT worth being obsessed about! That really left a sour taste in my mouth...

[RelaxByWater84]

I literally loved a guy from grades 9-12. I liked him when I was in 8th grade and it grew to love. He was the perfect gentleman. He knew how to treat females with respect. And he was soo hot. And he had the same religion I did. So that was a nice combination. He started dating a girl when we were in 10th grade so that broke my heart but I still loved him. And then his girl friend broke up with him after our junior year and he was getting over her. We graduated(we did not go to the same school) and I have not seen him since. I've gotten over him but I know I will always love him.

[Lily04]

woah... you will "always love him" and yet you never dated him?? And this is from 10 grade?? In what way do you "love" him? Out of respect, as a friend... or how?

[RelaxByWater84]

Well it was from 9th grade. I think I'll always love the idea of him. The gentlemanly ways he had and having the same religion as I did.

[Markers]

CoffeeGirl, if we understand the same thing with "love", you don't love that guy... it was a big crush and you still remember it. I think love comes after being together for some time (as friends [important to separate the caring love from the sexual love] or dating).