What i've learned and would like to share with you all

[whatthehell]

ICeman, I would love your insight on this please. Your posts have a level of compassion, that I would like to receive right now.

 

My LDR ex essentially broke up with me back in May (although all she asked for was space and we initiated LC for about 2 months) I'm in NY, she's in Chicago.

Our 2 issues are:

1.I didn't give her space and focused too much on "us", instead of a healthier balance of "me/us".

2.She feels responsible for her abusive ex in Los Angeles no longer speaking to his mother, since she approached his mom about a problem they had when they were together, thereforeeee his mom was "taking her side". All of this is not allowing her to move on and be in a relationship with anyone right now.

 

I got tired of the LC 2 weeks ago and made the mistake of telling her I miss her and want to work things out. This pushed her away and I've only gotten one phone message from her 2 nights ago asking me to give her a call and let her know if the stuff I needed for my college course got through since her computer is slow (dial up). The message felt "detached" and "cold", all of you out there know exactly what i'm talking about.

 

I called a couple hours later and she didn't pick up (she was on the other line, and she wasn't signed on or online). So I simply left an email saying "Hi, you email didn't get through". Now I'm back to NC until she calls, whenever that may be.

 

She may not ever move to NY, and may potentially move to Louisiana with her parents. What can she be thinking of me, if at all? I was very good to her, and she acknowledged this in the past.

[whatthehell]

I added this to give some more color to the situation:

 

She can't find work in Chicago yet, and her parents have been offering her to come to Louisiana if things don't pan out in a year or so. But my deepest fear is that she is trying to move to LA.

 

When we had the last argument, she said that she was trying to fix the situation between her ex and his mom, and was trying to rush it along since she knew I was waiting for her here to get that out of the way so we could try and move forward. Then the argument degenerated to her saying that I shouldn't wait for her. She wonders what if i meet someone while all of this is happening. She said that although it would hurt her, she would deserve it. She just wants to stop hurting me.

 

If she does end up doing all of this (move there) I want to know whether she will ever remember how well I treated her? Any remorse? Any regret at all? Will she realize how great she actually had it with me? This guy treated her like garbage, and she would be going back for more of that.

 

Do they ever truly forget? What the hell is her conscience saying right now?

[Kaede]

Thanks Iceman. The advice is invaluable. Sometimes is very hard to not call. I am doing my to have LC.

 

Kaede

[iceman85]

This seemed to help a good number of you, bringing it back up

[pacopaco]

Also, as part of NC, one must be prepared to never ever see or speak with that other person again. Just mentioning a possibility not mentioned. sometimes that person is gone for good, or you may decide that you're gone for good.

[ahhh2jz]

just saw this post right now; and it's very well written and articulated. thank you.

[Parsley]

Thank you. Needed this right now!

[Wandering_Sword]

Didn't even know this thread existed. Thanks for bumping this, it was a good read.