I LOVE her

[Vs. My Flying Guillotine]

Hello anyone willing to take a look at my post. hope your having a better night than i am, but im in dire need of some advice.

 

I love a friend of mine. she is absolutley incredible. smart, talented, beautiful, talented, CUTE. anyway we're good friends and we've known eachother for a few years now. and our relationship is a little weird, the way we act towards eachother, well anyone who dosnt know us would think we hate eachother before we start laughing. we go out as friends sometimes and thats really the only time i get to be with her. (we have no classes together so i try to see her b4 class and between classes...im usually late) but lately, i havnt been able to get her out of my head. some days its really bad to the point where it affects my learning ability or ill totaly ignore my other friends for her. and she, is weird about relationships so it makes things harder, i guess, for me. there will be days where she IGNORES me all together, and these days i feel like total because it seems as though she dosnt want to be friends(and then i swear to myself ill get over her), and then there are days where she seems so glad to see me (sometimes after those bad day) and i get pulled back or further in. She's also a HUGE dan of yaoi (which for those of you who dont know is gay anime, which i think, depending on the way the guys are drawn (they look like girls sometimes) is rather cute aswell). and she only thinks boyxboy love is cute. she also dosnt seems to be the type of person to talk about her feelings with anyone, which makes it hard asking anything, because i know offends her to a point of ignoring the asker. so i need some advice on how to deal with this situation. any help really would be better than none at all.

 

p.s. sorry if it seems randomized, im not very good at this sort of thing ](*,)

[chai714]

If there are any dances coming up at your school, why not ask her to one of them? Or, ask her to go out to pizza with you on a Friday night, then maybe to the movies or watch a movie at your house?

 

This might indicate to her that you like her. And, if her body language is good you could try to make a move on her.

 

I wasn't very good at this stuff at 15 and am still learning, but if I were in your position I would probably try one of those things. Do not come out and tell her "I like you." You can say, "I like spending time and hanging with you" but try not to be direct. This often scares away people.

 

Good luck.

[friscodj]

I'm with Chai...good advice...

 

What else does she like? I would find out what she does, what she likes, and maybe even more important than that, what you have in common with her. Then play off that commonality. That way, your advances seem more natural and comfortable because you enjoy the commonality as well.

 

I'd go with the common interest route first, and if you don't see any, suggest doing something that she likes to do and say "you've always wanted to learn/try such-and-such that she's interested in".

 

Start small, build up to taking this friendship to the next level. But spending more time with someone than normal is a big sign you are interested in her more than a friend.

[Alabama]

If you get a chance to invite her to a dance or some other event, like a concert, then talk with her. See if you can notice anymore signs, or if you have enough courage, just ask her if she likes you. Good luck.

[Haven]

So to you, she's a really, really talented Superwoman girl person. Interesting.

 

You should so totally ask her over to watch an anime movie. I know there are like a gazillion anime movies/shows out there (some of my friends are obsessed with that stuff). So you could be like, "Hey, I got this new anime movie the other day, wanna come over to watch it with me?"

[macdomat]

No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! (Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia...)

 

I am shocked, SHOCKED at the responses I am seeing here.

 

The word is NO, amigo, back away now. Red Alert, Full Stop, Back it up, Beep, beep, beep.

 

If I understand you right.... you're on the verge of hitting on one of your friends.

 

She's your ~friend~. And maybe I'm NOT getting the full story here, but unless she's given you a ~definite~ (and I can't stress that word enough) clue one way or the other, I would not proceed here. 'Cause chances are VERY good that she doesn't see you in a romantic light, and all you're gonna do is turn a friend into "one of those people you used to hang out with."

 

Those days she's ignoring you are the days she probably is AVOIDING you because she know how you feel already ('cause trust me, SHE KNOWS.... we guys suck and keeping stuff like that hidden... SHE KNOWS) and she doesn't feel the same way.

 

If you have to ask if she's interested or not, there's like a 99.99999999% chance she isn't.

 

I'm sorry if this sounds rough. You probably don't wanna hear this. But believe me, a kick in the butt now is gonna be better than a hole in the chest later on.

 

It's a shame. It seems like such a good idea too... the idea that a friend can someday become something more... it's like, building the foundation of a great relationship. But it doesn't work in practice. It's a flawed plan, because women don't usually see their male friends like that, and get REALLY REALLY REALLY offended when their so-called friends try and make a move on them. To them, it's like their brother walking in and saying, "hey, y'know, why don't we give it a shot???"

 

I could drone on about this for hours. But my advice is, be her friend, and that's it. If you can't be just her friend and nothing else, then get used to the idea of her not being your friend EVER AGAIN.

 

Sorry kid, 'dems da breaks.

[chai714]

Thus far, you've got 3 encouraging posts and 1 discouraging post.

 

In life, romance can and does occur between friends. Many, many things in life require taking risks and romance is near the top of the list.

 

I still stand by what I said and I support FriscoDJ and Haven has a good idea as well.

 

Good luck.

[ComputerGuy]

Let me be the first to say that friendships can continue quite fine if one admits feelings but the other doesnt have them. However on that note, things can go bad afterwards as well, it's up to you if you think it's worth the risk. Personally Id suck it up and tell her I felt and just say "Even if you don't feel the same thats fine, but I had to tell you or I was going to go insane".

[Haven]

Okay, first of all, asking someone to hang out and watch a movie is not necessarily hitting on them. I have been in several situations where a guy friend asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him.. only in 2/4 cases was the guy trying to turn it into something more than friendship.

 

Also, I had one guy friend that I did not give any huge CLUES to, only flirted with. I was good friends with him. He made a move, and I wasn't offended -- we actually started going out.

 

Another example is when one of my really close guy friends asked me out on a date. I didn't like him that way, but our friendship wasn't ruined. Sure, it was awkward for a while, but now we're still good friends. He's one of the only people from high school that I still talk to regularly.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that (a) hanging out with someone is not necessarily 'hitting on them', (b) it is possible to go out with a friend, and © if you are genuine friends, then asking her out will not destroy the friendship.

 

 

Bah.. I suck at flirting, so 99.9999999999999% of the time, guys that I'm interested in end up thinking that I like them only as a friend. Plus I've heard plenty of success stories where the guy wasn't sure if the girl was interested, and it turned out that she was.

[yeawutever]

Agree, try asking her out one of these days to either the movies, a concert, school or invite her to your house to watch a movie. If her repsonse it a good one, then there's a chance that she might like you back, perhaps she might be thinking that you don't like her, sicne you're not dropping any hints.

[Third Wheel]

Hey, I have a friend kind of like that. Or, I used to.

 

You know how she one day will avoid you, and the next, love you. My friend was just like that. Some days she'd be upset with me for no reason, and the next, right as rain. And, I did have a minor crush on her a while back (still do kinda). Not enough to make me "ignore my other friends for her." But, I was kind of a coward about it, and decided to keep quiet about it.

 

(P.S. She's also one of those anime freaks. I keep catching her reading a Japanese comic backwards and such, and when I finally asked about it, well, ya, I think it was what you were talking about. Where all the cartoons looked like girls.)

 

Well, that was a year ago I made that decision. Now, she's so much better around me. Gone are the mood swing days and such. I'm perfectly happy being just friends with her, and in my opinion, I think that being good friends with her would probably be better then dating her. In fact, tomorrow, we're just planning on hanging out, shooting pool, etc.

 

I actually told her this spring that I liked her earlier. We were talking about crushes and such, and it turned out to be no big deal.

 

So, my advice, I'd say, wait a while. I guess you guys have been friends for a few years now? Say starting with highschool? Then, well, chances are you still have time with her. I'd say wait, see how just being friends with her goes. If ya still like her, then let her now, after you two have a more confident friendship. And, asking her to a school dance seems like a good idea to me. I mean, just go as friends, but thats a good way to spend time with her.

 

Good luck, and sorry, I tend to ramble.

[SunflowerFields]

It's a flawed plan, because women don't usually see their male friends like that, and get REALLY REALLY REALLY offended when their so-called friends try and make a move on them.

 

Just so you know, Vs. My Flying Guillotine, I fell in love with one of my guy friends and we've been together for over a year. So what macdomat said is not entirely true (with me, at least). There are girls out there that fall for their guy friends and who knows, maybe this girl your after will become one of them.

 

Just wanted to enlighten you a little with that. Consider all of the other posts, too, before you decide to make a move on her or something. They all make good points.