Why can't I be strong?

[thegirl_00]

Boy, I never thought I'd be asking this because I'm such a happy person and I rarely let anything get in my way, but lately I've been feeling very sad and I can't seem to replace the happiness that me ex used to bring me.

 

I was the one who broke up with my ex so you'd think I'd feel a little better then I do, but thats not the case at all. I HAD to break up with my ex for numerous reasons (he was dealing coke behind my back, drinking behind my back, seeing girls behind my back)... yea he was a REAL winner. I hate him for making me break up with him, hate him for being able to look at me in the eyes and lie through his teeth without caring at all, but most of all I hate myself for wanting him back and continiously letting myself believe that he's "going to change".

 

I have really supportive friends who know I deserve better, I even have a new guy who I'm dating who is absolutly everything I'm looking for. The only problem is that ALL I want is my ex so I keep giving him chances and he keeps lying (i'v givin him at least 10 chances and hes managed to lie to me the very same day evertyime). I can't do the NC thing even though I know it's what I need to get over him and even though I know its a bad choice I'm letting my ex take me to the fair this weekend (oh, what the heck am I thinking?!).

 

My friends are noticing that I'm not the happy go lucky person I used to be and that really scares me. I need to get out of this mess, but I'm so deadly afraid of having to suffer from the broken heart of missing my ex and I can't stop holding on to the hope of him treating me better. He always re-assures me that if I give him another chance he'll never hurt me again. But I'v already givin him that chance and he hurt me the first chance he got.

 

I'm sorry to rant on. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. I'm really hurtin

[Orlander]

thegirl, No Contact is what you should really be focusing on. Your happiness WILL most assurdly come back once you can get that sucker out of your life.

 

Be good to yourself and realize that your happiness is the most important thing right now. Love youreself enough to move on. We will be here to encourage you along the way.

 

 

Orlander

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

you know, i'm in a similiar situation in terms of my happiness fading when my ex broke up with me (like 3 days ago) and i nothing can fill that void but him. and maybe i'm not feeling as down anymore because this is the third (and last) time he broke up with me. my friends tell me he is an * * * * * * * and not worth it and he doesn't deserve me, yet i still want to be with him. sure, i do but only the times where we were happy together in the beginning and before the breaking up and all that stuff. and they tell me, why do i want to go back to him? because he's just going to end up breaking up with me and hurting me again and again and will do it if i allow him too.

 

don't get me wrong, i'm still hurting. i still have that little bit of hope that he would realize what he did and that he misses me and wants me back. but keeping in contact with him isn't going to make you get over him. and it's good you're with someone else who is treating you well, but if you're still thinking about your ex, you're not ready for that relationship and as great as it might be, you not getting over your ex is going to affect your new relationship in a bad way. moving on doens't just mean being with someone else, but also you're not hung up on your ex anymore.

 

as my friends are telling me, don't let him predict your happiness. let yourself control your happiness.

[rachel1256]

thegirl20, I understand completely what you are going through, yet I have been doing NC now for a week, (minus an angry email i sent my ex) and I have to tell you it works miracles.

 

I too have a lot of friends and family supporting me, I have gone on one date with another guy, and things have REALLY been looking up for me.

 

My ex textd me earlier, and I didn't even care to respond. He has only made my life miserable, and I don't want that anymore. Sure, I think of him and still love him, but being away from him, doing NC has really really helped me put this all into perspective. I wrote down all the hurtful things he has done to me, printed my posts here when he was making me feel awful, and I have to tell you, I DO NOT MISS IT!

 

He is so wrong for you, and the reason you don't see it yet is because you are still in contact with him. I guarantee you that when you do strict NC, it will help you so much.

 

If I can do this, so can you. It took me so long to let go of him, and I kept wondering WHY. Because I kept letting him get to me, and I kept in contact, but as soon as I stopped, I felt so much better. I have faith in you

[searching1951]

It helps if you have people tell you wahat a jerk he is. LET ME ASSURE YOU..HE SOUNDS LIKE A SUPERJERK..He belongs in, and will end up in, Prison. gET THIS PIECE OF SH^T OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

 

Start NC..take it 5 minutes at a time. HGet thru the first 5 minutes..hten the next..then the next..soon these will stretch into hours, days, weeks.

Find your safe zone..for me its sleep and a good book in bed before sleep. That's where I truly escape thoughts of her. I don't think sleep works for everyone, but it does for me. BTW..absolutely no driking, smoking, coffee, etc. This all leads to anxiety and depression and makes NC unbearable.

 

NC works..but its like not scratching poison ivy. You can do it, with gimmicks, with friends, with whatever it takes..mainly..it gives you back your dignity.

And you ghave really got to get rid of this loser...what a jerk...turn him in to the cops.