Guys - how long are you prepared to wait?

[Cardinal]

I agree that you shouldn't be pressured into doing something that you aren't ready for. I do also think you should respect that he is frustrated and try to help him deal with that.

 

Here is my take on it as well as my personal experience with waiting. The longest I have waited is four months with my current g/f. She was a virgin and that is why the looong wait. Hypothetically I wouldn't want to wait that long again.

 

I am sure it is different for a female. But for a man sexual release is usually very important. Dry humping and long makeout sessions are great, but I got to a point that I didn't enjoy them. It was very frustrating during our first four months together for me to get so turned on and have no immediate recourse through ejaculation. It is like an itch that you cannot scratch.

 

Do you orgasm frequently by yourself. If so, you may know what I am talking about. Try stopping short but never finishing. That is what men feel everytime they make out and have to cut it short. All I am trying to do is explain why he is likely so frustrated sexually.

 

My suggestion is to simply start with oral and/or manual sex. Just make sure he has orgasms and that you can satisfy him. That should go a long way toward ease his physical frustration. You wouldn't even have have him go down on you if you weren't ready for that. But I do like the idea of starting with oral rather than penetrative sex for safety reasons and other reasons.

 

If I got frequent blowjobs, I honestly think I could go 6 months or more without penetrative sex. Hell even handjobs would be nice. But only if she let me go down on her as often as humanly possible. I wouldn't stay very long with a woman that wouldn't let me give her oral. I love it too much.

 

My main point is that I think there is no reason you should be pressured into sex, but at the same time, I think there is a great deal you can so easily provide your man in the meantime.

 

But above all. Please don't tell him you are thinking about waiting an entire year before having sex. That won't go over well at all.

[flutegirl23]

no offense, but i don't consider 4 months to be that long of a time to wait. i know that everyone is different, and everyone has different beliefs about whether or not they should wait, should go for it, whatever. my boyfriend and i are both virgins and have been dating for 3.5 years. everyone is different. and it's not always the girl either because i've told him that i would love to experience it with him, but he wants to wait. i respect his wishes.

 

now, we're not prude, but we fool around. there can be a happy medium and boundaries as long as you promise yourself/selves that you won't cross them. if you are comfortable with him and being intimate, then you guys really should talk about it.

 

as long as you are comfortable with it then it is something you should do. but please don't let him pressure you into something that you don't want to do. thats not love.

[Cardinal]

No offense taken. For someone who is a virgin, 4 months is not that long at all. In 'most' other circumstances, I could probably put together a decent argument that by that time, the relationship should have progressed to a point of mutual trust/understanding and conscientiousness regarding physical safety that sex probably would have already happened.

 

By that type under normal circumstances, I personally would question how much sexual intimacy means to her and if she really cares that much about my feeling re: the matter. Being a rational male, if a very good reason were provided I could see waiting. But not under 'most' circumstances.

 

That is jmo and I am more than willing to explore all sides of the issue.

[serenity25]

Heey thanks for the advice. Yeah I see what you're saying, and i know that he would never pressure me into it - he's told my friend that he respects me and wouldn't do anything like that, but I'm just worried about the fact that he'll be sexually frustrated. I don't want it to be a burden on our relationship - like safeplay mentioned, the whole needing to express love through sex.

 

I'll probably have to talk to him about it. Its just when he mentions sexual frustration its normally in a very light hearted manner like almost jokey. One thing which i still don't know, could sexual frustration be taken care of by 'other things' and not sex?? (-just read other advice which answers that, thank you !)

 

Sweetheart, there are most definitely other ways to express love if you are not ready to have sex. Any person that truly loves you and wants a real, committed relationship with you would not want to pressure you or do anything before you are ready. When I was sixteen, I had a boyfriend that always said if I didn't give it to him he could easily get it somewhere else. Obviously you do not want a creep like that. If he tries making you feel guilty about sexually frustrating him, consider telling him to take a hike. Take care of yourself and know that it is a very respectable thing you are doing, to wait until you feel sure. The guy that is meant for you will only love you MORE because of this.

 

A great way to express love is patience.

[InaneCathode]

If it helps any, i've had to "wait" 5 months for my girlfriend. I didnt start dating her because i wanted sex, or even to make out. I started dating her because she is an interesting person, and has a personality that doesnt conflict with mine.

We were both virgins circa last week.

[Hunny1607307342]

Just want to say thanks so much everyone for all the advice its really great

 

I just need to explain one other element, in response to this post:

 

Just a thought, but why dont you wait a year or so without dating so you dont have to put someone who has repetedly told you he's "sexually frustrated"

I'm sure you're a great person and all, but if you're not ready for a full relationship you shouldnt be dating.

 

It seems a bit pretentious to say that every guy should wait for you for an extended period of time. If a woman isnt comfortable with a facet of a relationship they should either A) Not date to that end or B) Tell a guy upfront before he asks her out, her him out etc.

 

Before we started dating I DID tell the guy I'm not ready for a full-on relationship. He asked if I meant 'with sex?' and I said yes, and he said it doesn't matter it's a sacrifice he's willing to make. So he can't say I didn't warn him. I think he probably realised it's easier said than done.

[Daddy Bear]

remember this little blurb: you have not agreed to be responsible for anyone else's satisfaction, and you are not on a timetable. the desire for sex must come from within your own self; otherwise, it is not a good thing. every guy who dares to call himself a man should respect this.

[InaneCathode]

Just want to say thanks so much everyone for all the advice its really great

 

I just need to explain one other element, in response to this post:

 

 

 

Before we started dating I DID tell the guy I'm not ready for a full-on relationship. He asked if I meant 'with sex?' and I said yes, and he said it doesn't matter it's a sacrifice he's willing to make. So he can't say I didn't warn him. I think he probably realised it's easier said than done.

 

Ok, heh. Sorry if it came off as a bit hostile but i assumed you hadn't told him that.

In that case, i turn my attention on the guy. He KNEW you werent ready for sex, but said yes anyway. Now he's pressuring you to have sex. Thats kinda, no, really selfish on his part.

[dragonzeyez]

If someone already covered this then sorry, I did not read all the above posts. Let me warn, what I am about to say is a bit graphic. First off let me say, if he was serious about you then waiting should not be a problem for him. Now, let me ask, (this may sound weird or gross, sorry) are you comfortable with him watching porn while in a relationship with you? Yes I know most girls don't like that, but the reason I ask is because what some girls don't understand about guys is that we are just much more naturally wanting sex and it can actually be very very difficult for us to deal with at times. I can sometimes be in a situation where it is really important for me to concentrate on what I am doing yet no matter how very VERY VERY VERY hard I try not to, my mind keeps straying to thoughts of sex and I start getting very very horny, and distracted, and I simply have no control over it. To put it simple, some of us simply CAN NOT control our sexual desires at times. If this is his problem then maybe watching porn only when he needs to and satisfying himself will help him deal with his frustration.

 

EDIT: also, like I said, I encourage you to wait until you are ready. If he is not willing to wait then he is not worth it. I am simply giving you some info to understand how and why this can be frustrating for us men, so you understand a little better is all.

[Hunny1607307342]

Thanks !

 

Yeah he did mention in a jokey way something about a porn channel once, and I was okay with it - because I forced myself not to think about the details! I think the only reason I guess I'll be okay with that is because I think I know how much he really likes me. So yeah..thanks again for all the advice.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Anyone can control sexual desires if they so want to. Male biology is an over used excuse.

[Süsser Tod]

Well, I know the feeling, I'm waiting for my gf to be ready. She is 22 and virgin, been waiting for 2 and a half months, and probably I'll have to wait a long time.

 

That being said, yes, it can be awfully frustrating at times. And to be honest, if I'm not going to ejaculate, I rather do nothing. Not ejaculating can even be painfull at times (have you heard of blue balls?). Happily we do oral, and I'm fine with that. (No, I don't have to ejaculate everytime, but after a some heavy makeout sessions the frustration builds up to the point of not wanting to know anything about it.)

 

However, truth be told, it is not the same. There is an intimacy to intercourse that anything else can't give, maybe it is about being accepted by the other person.

 

I'd say that there are two parts of that feeling of satisfaction, the fisical one, that can be easily taken care of (oral/masturbation), and the psychological one, that is not easily taken care of.

 

But well, I know the time will come, so I'll keep waiting.

 

 

I have to accept, it scares the hell out of me being her first. If it happens, it may be wonderfull, but at the same time, it seems to me like a responsibility I didn't wanted/asked for, don't even think I deserve that privilege.

[Cardinal]

From a physical sense I think some people (women often) make too big of a deal about the first time. I always try to diffuse the situation. I let my partner know that the first time is almost always awkwardly different. I rarely last more than a few minutes. And often get anxiety and don't get hard. I certainly wouldn't expect her to be able to confortably orgasm. Perhaps a wonderful thing to experience emotionally, but physically I would never expect that much unless both partners happened to be very experienced (even then, maybe not so great first time). That is just my experience.

[eriko]

Anyone can control sexual desires if they so want to. Male biology is an over used excuse.

 

That's about as credible as me saying "women don't really feel that much pain during their period; they merely use it to their advantage."

 

Doesn't that sound stupid? Especially when it comes from a guy, who doesn't know anything about being a woman?

[charley]

until marriage. Whatever she wants.

 

I hope she's willing to wait at least 3 or 4 months because I don't want to do it before then myself.

 

One lady in another thread posted that she has a 4 month rule for sex because she says it takes 3 to 4 months to get to know someone. Good rule.

 

However, my personal and business relationships have shown me that it takes 4 months to begin to know someone. It takes 3 years to fully know someone. With my friends and business relationships alike, I've found that many dissolve around 2.5 years. Those that last more than 3 years have been very long term and will probaby last until I retire or die, depending on type of relationship.

 

Also, you can never fully know someone who is not fully emotionally mature because they keep changing all the time. Their personality doesn't stabilize until mature, IMO. Most women are emotionally mature around age 24 to 25. Most men around 30 to 32. However, there are exceptions. Some people mature faster, others slower, some never mature. These are my experiences in business and my personal life.

 

These are my experiences. Yours may vary. I'm only giving my opinion and experiences about relationships in general.

 

=============================================================================

 

Oh ya. He cannot contol his desires, but he can control his behavior, if he has no other choice. That may require him to rub one out, or at his age several out. However, then he should be under control again (for a while). It's his problem, not yours.

[shy_guy_3]

Well The way I see it is, that if your not ready then dont let him push you..Him telling you he is "Sexually Frustrated" is just a "con" or way of putting even more pressure on you, If your not ready then simply talk to him about it, if He cant wait until YOU are ready then he isnt very serious about your relationship anyways, He should respect your choices not push and try to change them...and yes I assume it would be quite awkward to bring it up in a convorsation but it is something that you two need to descuss and not just put aside, But dont just come out and tell him it will be another year because to be completely honest you cant be sure that it will be then it may be sooner and may be later it all depends on what happens in the spur of the momment..it shouldnt be all planned out where you just tell him "oh i think we should wait a year" but at the same time it shouldnt be where you have to tell him a time anyways because it should be spontaneous and you wont know its going to happen til it does...

 

yeah sorry i got a lil side tracked and kinda repeated myself in spots...thats my bad

 

But Remember thats just my opinion and my opinion shouldnt matter anyways, nor should anyone elses on this particular topic...

 

 

bTw: As for the question "Are mens needs met my other stuff" It all depends on the guy...Personally mine are met just by spending time with my gf which i know is weird but hey im a weird person =P

 

Well I hope I helped but most likely it was just a waste of time for you to read...](*,)

 

OH AND for the question "Guys How Long Are you Willing to Wait?" Personally I'm gonna wait til my gf is ready but then again most men think about sex more then i do so who knows about other guys...I know me and my gf are in no hurry to rusj it were taking our time (were both virgins, lol)

[shy_guy_3]

Also, men express love through sex.

 

Well Frankly if thats the only way a guy can show his love for a girl then he's pretty messed up...love is not sex, sex is sex and love is love...love can be showed in many ways and sex can only be showed in one way(physical contact only i mean)

[wayne]

One thing he might not know yet is: if a girl doesn't really want to have sex and is only giving it up to make the other person happy/make him stop pestering her/get something from him, it's not going to be good sex. At all. He'll have a much better time alone with his Internet connection.

[Kaia]

My ex and I were both virgins and a while into the relationship, he kept saying I make him horny. He kept asking me why I don't want sex and eventually kept on mentioning how he knows these people our age were having sex, etc., trying to pressure me in.

 

Back then, I felt really guilty and I ended up doing a lot of "other stuff" to help him out even when I don't enjoy it.

 

In retrospect, I'm really glad that I didn't lose it to him and I regret not dumping him earlier But I remember feeling very confused and wasn't sure if it was my problem or his. So my advice is, just follow your heart. You'll know when you're ready if you are. Same goes with these "other stuff", don't feel pressured into it. If you want to try, experiment in small steps and see if he is genuinely trying to make you feel good too.

 

 

P.S. if it makes you uncomfortable when he says "sexually frustrated", then find a time when you're both serious to tell him that you feel uncomfortable hearing that all the time. Just tell him what you think, communication is the key. On the other hand, if you don't mind it then I don't think there's a problem here. Just let it come naturally!

[ComputerGuy]

Personally Id be willing to wait until she was ready however long that may be. I'm not that worried personally, I mean it's just sex...It's not the end of the world if you aren't getting any.

[Frajhav]

guess u guys now know why strait men go gay sometimes,couse some have some sexual releav in wish the other sex couldn't provide,this is in some cases,and alot of people forget we are animals iven if we reason things we all come from the same place,sex is something needed sex is the reason we keep living on.And yet the ironi of all this is that i kinda lought at the end hehe,couse men are more active during there teens and 20s wile at 30s sex drive goes down wile girls sex drive at 30s goes up(scientifically proved)"sorry for bad english"we see girls going defensive at this young age wish is normal then then everything switches over and we got conflicts....lovely world we live in...And as for hes sexual frustration...is normal,but comes with consequenses you must be prepared to face...1.it will keep incresing eventually driving hem to the edge in wish he will try to force it out or simply look for someone else who will 2. do like im doing...look for ways to shutdown my sex drive to a point were sex dossent matter and eventually ruins the relation couse as soon as u say "im ready" he will go offensive and boom...byebye relation sad but truth,and for F**k sakes..is only a year..i have to wait till i get married...god dammit lol...

[Frajhav]

oh and for the computer guy,just 1 thing...easy to say it -.- aint it? i used to say the same,now im eating myself form the inside

[PittItaliano]

My boyfriend and I started dating when he was 19 and I was 17. I knew him for three years before we started dating and I made him wait an additional year to have sex. We actually had sex for the first time together on our one year anniversary weekend.

 

There is nothing wrong with making a guy wait. I made my boyfriend wait because I just wasn't ready for that. I knew I wasn't ready, and was a virgin at the time. I wasn't willing to just "throw my virginity away". I had to make sure that the guy I was going to give it to truly loved me, and wasn't in a relationship just for the physical.

 

If your boyfriend truly does care for you he will wait until you are comfortable with that. And if he tries to give you that "If you loved me you would have sex with me" bull * * * *. Don't buy it. Sex is a very very big step in a relationship. It should never be something that is entered into lightly. It shouldn't be something that you could end up regretting later on.

 

Wait until you are comfortable. Once you are comfortable it will be better for you, because you won't have 1,000 other worries in your head when you are doing it.

 

Just explain to your boyfriend that you just don't want to go into that step of the relationship just yet. Tell him that when you are comfortable enough then you will let him no.

 

Never do anything you are uncomfortable with. Believe me, you will just regret it in the long run.

[Cardinal]

PittItaliano,

 

Not to be disagreeable or anything but....

 

I have heard that women like to wait until they are comfortable with sex and don't want to 'throw away' their virginity many times before. In this thread alone I have probably read it ten times or more, especially the part about "you will likely just regret it later if you do it before you are ready".

 

My question...

 

As long as two people make sure what they do is safe (tested for stds, several good methods of b/c in place, and an assurance of no physical harm from both parties involved), what on earth could there possibly be to regret?

 

If you are with someone you do eventually want to have sex with (not some creep that you don't want to be with) and the above scenario is in place, what could you regret about it? And what is the deal with waiting very long time frames?

 

I am just trying to understand. And it is very hard for me as I see sex as a wonderful thing that should play a very big role in a happy healthy relationship. I can definitely see waiting 1-2 months before having sex. But at some point, a guy has to start wondering. For the record I am a very patient man, but I wouldn't want to go 1-2 years without having any sex with another living soul by my own volition.

 

Sex is a wonderful part of life and life is short! I plan to live a very long time, but the future isn't so easy to predict. Why keep a greater degree of happiness for two people at bay? Once the proper precautions are taken, I would go so far as to say you can gain relationship experience faster by moving forward and having sex (same goes with spending more time under the same roof sooner). Personally I would like to make sure I have sex with my life partner for at least 1-2 years before getting married. Same goes with living with her. I sure wouldn't want to have sex about 5 months before getting married and be incredibly shocked at how it might change a year down the line.

 

It doesn't take a year or two to rationallyor emotionally plan out how to have sex with someone you have strong feelings for!

[PittItaliano]

Cardinal...

 

For me, I entered my current relationship after 6 relationships that ended with me being cheated on... none of them were over a year, and all but one where with guys who were virgins to... so it's not like they knew what they were missing out on. 3 of those guys cheated on my within the first month of the relationship... unfortunately I didn't find out until later.

 

I was very untrusting when I entered my relationship. Once I got over my "trust issues". I started thinking about sex with my boyfriend.

 

I was just too nervous. I also did NOT want to lose my virginity to a cliche. Like in the back of a car, or at some cheap hotel, or whatever. It just wasn't going to happen. My boyfriend lost his virginity in a back of a car to a girl he wasn't sure about, and any time it's mentioned he talks about how much he regrets it, and he gets upset.

 

I guess I just wanted my first time to be romantic and memorable, and it was. Plus, my boyfriend is in the military, and he was helping with hurricane stuff and was gone for two months during that one year period. When he got back, I was at college, and he wasn't. I also had a roommate who apparently NEVER liked to go home for a weekend or whatever.

 

I probably wouldn't have waited as long as a year, but I'm not sorry that I did. It's not like we didn't do other things and I totally deprived him of anything sexual.

 

-PittItaliano

 

p.s. My first time was the most romantic night of my life. It was perfect, and I'm really glad that I lost it when and where I did.