hard to get or being comfortable being yourself

[Caterina]

I don't want to play hard to get. I know the concept...people are only attracted to what they have to work for, or what is less available. But, thats just too hard. All I want is for someone to like me for who I am and for me to return that. What do you think?

[Kevin T]

I prefer a girl who likes me (is NICE to me!) and doesn't play hard to get. So just be yourself and let a guy truly appreciate you for who YOU are! Some guys out there will like you without having to chase you!

[need2bme]

True. However, I have seen where girls like me for who I am, but I have something to add to this. After being in a LONG term relationship (especially one that ended badly) how does one know how to be themselves? More importantly; how does someone LIKE themselves?

[BlueWolf]

I don't want to play hard to get. I know the concept...people are only attracted to what they have to work for, or what is less available. But, thats just too hard. All I want is for someone to like me for who I am and for me to return that. What do you think?

 

People are attracted to what is less available, yes... and that might not necessarily mean playing hard to get. It's sometimes easy to confuse these games for what is really going on.

That said, if someone plays hard to get, I move on. I don't know what that says about my persistence, but being straight foreword is the better way to go.

[Caterina]

Thats true. My situation can't be summed up in a cute way. Nor can anybodys, I'm sure. But, I recently started a very tough job. I feel as though I am criticized everywhere I turn. I really would like someone that I could turn to for love and support. Thing is, I am sure this isn't very attractive to others. My ex broke up with me several months ago, and he wasn't very nice about it. I have enough reflection ability to now recognize that it was a combination of immaturity on both our parts and other things. I did some things wrong that I regret but have learned from. He was just not the right person for me. But, I think he said really terrible things to me when he broke up with me, not so much because they were true, but because I had hurt him. These terrible criticisms have been hard to erase, still. I am much, much better now but life has been sort of a numb existence. My only relief is contact with friends. Thing is, I am not meeting any guys.

 

Fastforward to the present:

I made a friend with a guy who is seemingly a cool guy. He was definetly friend material but due to several factors (like our political/religious views being very different, I had a boyfriend when I first knew him), I wasn't thinking of him romantically. However, he acted as though he liked me. Then, after a long while, he seemed to lose interest. Now, I am not sure if it was lonliness...okay, okay, I am sure it was lonliness...not that I don't take him seriuosly, but I knew that it would be a cure if he and I went out. I guess I wasn't really considering his feelings....which is good that it turned out that he was surprised to hear about what I thought, but also thought of me as only a friend. See, I assumed he liked me, asked him if he did and told him I did and he said he didn't -that type thing. Now I am pretty much still stuck alone.

 

I see the benefits of being single...I am free, I can do what I want...also, the time that I have been sperated from guys has allowed me to heal in a way that was necessary. It takes me a much longer time to heal from being with a guy then most people I think. I could be wrong, though.

 

I don't want to ramble, but I guess I want to present all of the details.

 

My job doesn't exactly have a wellspring of guys my age to meet, and I haven't even met any in a while. I just can't seem to beat the loneliness.

 

All I really want is to make someone happy...I want someone who will love me and tell me that things are going to be okay.

 

I have such little hope that that will happen, but perhaps I just need a little perspective.

[DN]

Anyone who plays hard to get must be prepared to face the disappointment of not being chased by the person who they want to get them - and also make sure that they are worth the getting if they are chased.

[need2bme]

Caterina: I hear ya girl. I just got dumped in a 13 year relationship. She is still in the apartment that we share. We just had a phone conversation and I suggested we go somewhere and she mentioned that maybe a can take a "singles" cruise there. Not a cruise, a singles cruise. She then told me later of a guy that flirted with her.

 

I feel alone too. It just seems that people can turn their feelings on and off and I do not get it. I want to be alone and heal, but I am afraid to be alone. I have never had to be alone before.

 

About meeting guys though, have you ever thought about going up to them? Maybe in a coffee shop or at church. I was asked out by the current ex-GF on our first date and it made me feel great.

 

BTW, you weren't rambling. You were telling us how you feel. If it makes you feel any better, I too want someone to tell me everything is going to be ok. I think I dump too much lately though. My mom says no one wants to hear all of the bad stuff. I guess the trick is, to figure out what REALLY is bad stuff and get it out of my life.