I'm 21 he's 44. I'm confused!! help!!

[angelica_uk]

Hi, i do volunteer work with a guy double my age, I know he likes me and at first i kept telling myself i wasn't interested. But recently my feelings are getting stronger for him. i can't stop thinking about him. does anyone have any advice on what i should do, i'm so confused, I like him but i'm scared of what other people will think and what if it doesn't work. plus he's got 2 kids from a previous marriage. HELP!!

 

**** I know that he likes me because he has asked me out three times already to which i have made excuses to not go out, and he's also told one of the people we work with. I think i'm falling for him ****

 

Just a quick update... I took the plunge and went out with him and hear we are over a year and a half later enagaged and planning our wedding for next year. Thank you all for your advice!!!

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone

 

if you are both single, sure, why not?

 

don't worry about what others think - it is so hard to meet someone you click with, once you do, you should hold on to them! who cares what everyone else says!

 

nothing wrong with casually dating, getting some coffee or ice cream.

 

good luck

[AwdreeHpburn]

ang - welcome.

 

Have you ever talked to HIM about this? How do you KNOW he likes you?

[CarterJonas]

You shouldn't live your life thinking and worrying about what other people think. It's none of their business as you are both adults now.

 

No one knows whether ANY relationship will work, it's a chance we all have to take.

 

goodluck

[charley]

This is written for young women to help them understand and deal with older (middle age) men. However, it also applies to young men who might date an older (middle age) woman.

 

It's really difficult for most people to find someone they click with. I have some experience with this myself. Love and/or sex are not defined by age. However, I have found that some age gap can actually make a relationship more exciting and tender for both people. Often the people involved will treat each other with extra kindness and consideration. Those are my experiences.

 

However, you should talk to him (or her) about what he (or she) wants from the relationship before you get attached and before you consider having sex. This is because to be compatible, you both need to have similar expectations from the relationship. i.e. - eventual sex or no sex, eventual marriage or no, eventual kids or no, etc. Sometimes the older partner might not want to get married or have kids. (I do, but that's me)

 

Now for some examples

 

I personally prefer younger women and they prefer me. I'm 38, but look 8 years younger than I am so we don't look much different in age. I'm looking for love. Sex would be nice too, but it's love that's my priority. I can do without sex until marriage, if that's what she wants. A guy like me who's looking for love is compatible with a younger woman looking for the same.

 

However, my friend Bill also likes younger women and he's just looking to get laid. He wants a casual relationship and sex. Really he just wants the sex. No strings, no attachments. There's nothing wrong with that IMO, if the people involved are honest about what they want and they want the same or similar things. That way no one gets hurt.

 

I would never want to hurt any woman. I especially would never want to hurt a younger woman. I think it's a priveledge for a middle age man to have a younger woman. Along with priveledge comes an extra responsibility to be honest, caring, and not mislead or hurt her in any way.

 

Bill on the other hand, just wants to get laid. I wouldn't mind that, if he were honest with women, but he's not. He's a user of women. He's good to other men and he's a good friend to me, but he's a total heel to women.

 

My point is this young ladies: Older men fit into three categories, IMO.

 

1) The ones that are looking for love. These guys can be ideal for you, if you are looking for the same.

No one appreciates a young babe more than this type of middle age man.

These guys are often widowers, or never been married, or possibly divorced once. One divorce is forgivable and understandable. These type guys often want to get married again.

 

2) The ones who are just looking for a casual relationship (to get laid) and will be honest with you about their intentions. These guys can also be great for you, if you are looking for same. Don't expect love or a longterm relationship. These guys are often divorced one or more times. These playboys will try to impress you with flashy sports cars, etc, which isn't bad

if they're honest about their intentions.

 

3) The jerks who are just looking for a casual relationsip (to get laid) and will be

dis

honest with you about their intentions. They'll tell you anything to get laid. Or they'll avoid talking about their feelings or intentions altogether (Bill) to put the subject off until after they get laid (Bill). These guys are dishonest and selfish. They'll leave you crying in your beer. These guys are often divorced one or more times. These playboys will try to impress you with flashy sports cars, etc.

 

I read in a young ladies post in another thread that she likes nice, good hearted middle age men. She said she keeps the jerks at bay by not sleeping with a guy for 4 months as a rule. Good rule, IMO.

 

Young Ladies The types above are aimed directly at older men in a potential relationship.

Young Men: The types above also apply somewhat to older women in a potential relationship.

 

Oh ya. Younger guys, there are middle age women in their 30s who like you. They might want a true relationship, or they might just want to use you for sex. However, I've never heard a young guy complaining about being used for sex. Except me that is. I hated that. I guess I'm a romantic. Warning - you may think you'd like to be a middle age woman's sex toy, but then fall in love with her and she leaves you broken hearted, crying in your beer, and alone. It happens.

 

Regarding the number 3 type guys: I know these men exist at all ages and often do these things to women their own ages too. I don't like that either. However, when they do this to sweet, trusting younger women it infuriates me.

 

Bill was just the other day asking me where he could meet some younger women and how to approach them. He'd noticed I get on well with younger ladies at work and elsewhere. I'm not telling him a thing. He leaves broken, crying, middle age women in his wake wherever he goes. I don't want to help him start hurting younger women too. He's a playboy with yacht, penthouse, etc. He's also my boss at work. However, he at least has the sense to leave the women at work alone. I consider the women at work fair game for me, but it's never a problem because I'm really nice to them and the ladies at work almost universally like me (mostly platonic friends, darn). Anyhow, watch out for guys like Bill.

 

===============================================================

 

Back to your situation: You need to first decide what you want or expect from a relationship, if you hookup with him (or her). Once you figure out what you want, then you need to start some research to find out his background and intentions. i.e. - has he been married before? Widower +1, Divorced Once -1, Divorced Twice -3 (think hard), Divorced More Than Twice -10 (run for your life). Do you want to get married someday? Have kids? Is that something he (or she) wants to do? Can do? Etc and so on with questions and research.

 

By the way, if asking him a few questions scares him off, or he won't answer them, then he was a type 3 guy and you're best off without him anyway, IMO.

 

ON the other hand, if you only have expectations of a casual relationship and getting laid, then I guess there's no need to ask all those other questions. However, you should ask him how many sex partners he's been with in the last 10 years and if he practiced safe sex. A lady coworker friend of mine just died at age 27 from AIDS. She had sex with ONE GUY, ONE TIME when she was 17 and got AIDS. She died 10 years later (recently). That was the only time she ever had sex in her short life. True story.

 

Also, a normal age difference in USA is 5 to 10 years. That's not a big deal at all. Up to 20 years is common. I looked up the statistics in the prior three sentences before posting this. However, that doesn't mean much. Age is less important than other issues. What is most important is what you both want and expect from a relationship and whether you will be honest with each other. Trust has to work both ways. These things have to be discussed issue by issue before sex, if you want to avoid being used.

 

These are some things to think about for the younger people.

 

===============================================================

 

For the middle age and older people, you probably already know this, but it's worth mentioning. Sometimes the younger person may break your heart. I went back and added this as a very important after thought to this original post.

 

===============================================================

 

Disclaimer: The advice and opinions I've given are based on my experiences and observations, and a couple statistics that come from Google searches for info. Your experiences may vary. There are exceptions to everything in life. No one can guarantee another person's behavior. However, I believe my information will prove correct for most cases. It works for me.

[annie24]

I agree with charley. One more caveat.... you will find men of ALL ages, either in their 20s or 40s or any other age range.... that will just want to sleep with you and that's it. or, they just want a casual relationship.

 

If this is not what you want, I recommend waiting for 4 months before having sex with them. It's my new rule. Most people don't show their true colors until that time. And if he is looking for love, he won't mind waiting. If he is looking for just sex, he will get frustrated and give up.

 

If you really think he might be the right man for you, wait!!!

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Its normal to feel like this.. Confused....

 

Since you like him, no one can tell you not to be with him.. BUT you need not to rush things.. It could work why not, but bec of the unusual situation you are in, you need to take things slowly..

 

I say take your time to know him better.. Yes go with him. See how it is going ! If things are fine, take it step by step.. thats it ! good luck

 

And yeah about the sex thing, thats why iam saying dont rush things.. know him more.. till you are 200 % sure he is fine and truly likes u.

[charley]

Excellent rule Annie. However, I think even one month would send Bill on his way. I think 3 months would be more than enough for most guys. However, if I can wait 3, I can wait 4. I can wait until we're married, if necessary. Guys like Bill make it hard on the rest of us who have good intentions.

 

I agree with charley. One more caveat.... you will find men of ALL ages, either in their 20s or 40s or any other age range.... that will just want to sleep with you and that's it. or, they just want a casual relationship.

 

If this is not what you want, I recommend waiting for 4 months before having sex with them. It's my new rule. Most people don't show their true colors until that time. And if he is looking for love, he won't mind waiting. If he is looking for just sex, he will get frustrated and give up.

 

If you really think he might be the right man for you, wait!!!

[charley]

First of all, what everyone else I read is saying sounds true to me. It's really difficult for most people to find someone they click with. I have some experience with this myself. Love and/or sex is not defined by age. However, I have found that some age gap can actually make a relationship more exciting and tender for both people. Often the people involved will treat each other with extra kindness and consideration. Those are my experiences.

 

When I was in high school I was a year young for my grade (having been skipped ahead) plus I looked young for my age. So I looked several years young for my grade. High school girls (IME) want nothing to do with dating a guy who looks several years younger than them. So no chance of a date in high school.

 

In my early 20s, I still looked 16. From my mid to late 20s I looked 18. Not many women in their 20s want to date a guy who looks several years younger than them. I had to get to age 23 before any woman would consider me. However, at age 23 I suddenly started looking like a rather handsome 18 year old. All of a sudden I was attracting high school girls, but they were 15 to 18. Their parents would have freaked. What to do? Well, I found out that some women in their 30s, especially from 35 to 40 are attracted to a young looking guy.

 

When I was 23 I was asked out by a 36 year old woman. I have nothing but good memories of her. I'm so glad she asked me out. I was attracted to her to, but would never have dreamed an older woman would be interested in me. At first the age difference made me a little nervous, but it was never a problem. She was always very nice to me to. All good memories.

 

Now I'm 38, but look 30. As always, women around my own age are my friends, but don't want to date a guy who looks several years younger than them. No problem. Women always let me know what they like-want and I adapt. The gals from 24 to 30 seem to like me. Great because I like them too. They also look extra hot to me. Apparently, I look good to them too because they often initiate it. I'm learning to initiate it to as I overcome my shyness in romantic situations. Also, I've become totally comfortable with this age difference. It took a while to adjust since I was used to being the much younger person in the relationship.

 

Age differences are only a problem, if you let it be. I think an age difference heightens the physical and emotional attraction based on my experiences. I've been on both ends of the age gap. Both are sweet, but in somewhat different ways.

 

========================================================

 

However, there are some valid warnings, which I posted in another post above.

[Cadence308]

You are both single and attracted to one another. I think you should give it a try. It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. I like older ones myself. Older women, though.

[nottoogreen]

Hi angelica_uk

 

I am similar age as him and have done similar things.

 

It seems quite nice for a young woman to have an older male, but the advantages are limited at best to financial, maturity and sex and will be insignificant even in 5 years and from then on he only goes downhill, while you reach your platau around age 30.

 

At his age he has too much baggage emotional as well as kids etc.

 

If he looses employment he is often unemployable.

 

What about kids. If you want kids, and not in a rush, He'll be in his late 60s by the time they leave the house.

 

Male life expectancy is less than women. If he passes away at 73 you will start over at age 50. If he passes away at 63 you will start over at age 40. Not much of a prospect.

 

In summary I strongly recommend against more than 5-10 years age difference at most.

 

Be patient, I appreciate men your age are hard for you to handle, but even someone 25 will have matured more.

 

Your prince will come.

 

P.S. check him against the loser article referenced in my sig. This article will also give you insight on weaknesses of your own.

[nottoogreen]

I've recently been through depression....

 

Hi Crissy,

 

I got above from you other post. Your history may be related to your desire to be involved with him. If you would you like to open up your story, we will be here to listen.

[mmmending]

Could be great for you and him. [...]

Thoughtful, and beautifully articulated post, charley.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Well thats a good point too.. So choose what u want to do..

[charley]

I have observed that whether in my home town, at this forum, or anywhere; there are always a minority of people who object to age-gap relationships as being unnatural. I think that attitude is intolerant, but more so it's incorrect. I'd like to explain myself below. This is not directed at any individual in this thread. It's for the group.

 

================================================================================

 

Age-Gap marriages were the norm throughout most of history, until the very recent past. My grandparents are from a generation that thinks it's perfectly normal. It worked fine for them and all generations before.

 

Same and simlilar age relationships became the norm starting with my parents generation, the "baby boomer generation". Late 1950s for my dad, early 1960s for my mom. However, age-gap relationships are still common among their age group too, though not the norm.

 

Note: The baby boomers are the parents of today's middle age people. Baby boomers are the grandparents of today's young people.

 

Currently I think that age-gap is becoming more common again. Some ignorant people would say that's a fad, or a rebellion of young people being taken advantage of by older people. Not so at all. To say that is ignorant of history and nature.

 

Age-gap relationships are perfectly natural as clearly demonstrated throughout history by the fact that it was the norm until recently.

 

The young people today aren't rebelling. Many of them are just choosing to go back to what has been normal throughout almost all of history. i.e. - in this area they are sometimes perceived as rebelling against their parents standards. In reality, they are going back to what was normal for their great grandparents. It was my parents and their generation who strongly rebelled in the 1960s, not the young people today. That's a fact. They didn't call the 60s turbulent for nothing. The reemergence of age-gap relationships being more common is actually going back to how things were before my parents generation rebelled. i.e. - age gap is going back to how things were normal before about 1955 or maybe 1948. Somewhere in that time frame things started changing. Before WWII and going back thoughout all history, age-gap relationships were considered perfectly normal and common. In fact, they were far more common than same age relationships. Through most of history, same age relationships would have been considered abnormal and almost unheard of.

 

I've been talking about USA culture so far. However, let me interject this here. In most of the rest of the world, age-gap is still the norm. They like it that way. Same-age would be abnormal in much of the world.

 

So don't let anyone make you feel guilty or bad about an age-gap relationship. The same-age people are actually the oddballs. In fact, if you look at the entire timeline of history, same age relationships would be very abnormal in a historical context. Same-age is even abnormal in most of the world today.

 

It's just one or two generations of the USA that think same-age is normal. The less tolerant among them think that age-gap is abnormal. How ignorant they are of history and the rest of the world. They are free to like what they like, but are in no position to say what's "normal".

 

Regardless of history, society, present day, and whatever else, each person has the right to be attracted to who they want. Same age or otherwise. Also, age difference up to 10 years is very normal even in USA today. Up to 20 years is common in USA today. I got these stats from a Google search. That's largely because women mature faster than men. It's natural to be attracted to anywhere from 5 to 10 years difference and often more. In any case, it's no one's business but yours and your partners. Do what's best for you two.

 

My neighbor lady is in her 80s and a good friend. She said her husband was 12 years her senior. She married at age 18. He was 30. She says that was common back then. She loved him and people weren't concerned with age difference back then. I asked her if she had any regrets. She said no, except that she misses him. She said she had a wonderful marriage and she'd marry him all over again, if she could. Then she goes on an on about him. She loves him still.

 

My grandma and great grandma would told similar stories when they were alive. And by the way, my grandma died before my grandfather even though she was younger. Don't assume that men always die first. He was older than her and he was a widower for 15 years.

 

So what's the big deal about age-gap relationships? Be with someone your own age if you want. Be with someone older or younger, if you want. Don't let any 3rd party tell you what to do. Don't let some ignorant or intolerant person tell you what's "normal". If they try that, then you can honestly and correctly tell them that age-gap is normal if you look beyond one generation of the USA.

 

For thousands of generations of people thoughout history, age-gap is the norm. It's still the norm in most of the world today. The only exception where same-age is the norm is one single generation of USA citizens, my parents generation. Baby Boomers. The only generation, in the only country in the world, to think that same-age is normal. I don't mind that they think that's normal. What I don't like is when they get judgemental and think that age-gap is abnormal. It's not. The babyboomers can think what they want, if they are willing to tolerate others, live and let live, etc. However, when they get judgemental, I can easily point to history and the rest of the world and show what's really normal. Age-gap is actually the norm.

 

FYI - although baby boomers, my parents are pretty open minded, especially my dad.

 

Though advice can be helpful, in the end you must follow your heart.

 

Just consider certain issues like: Do you want to get married? Have kids? What about the other person? What do they want? What can they do? Can they still have kids? Talk about these things before you get emotionally attached.

 

Then do what's best for you. Be with the person, if you want each other.

 

Above all, be true to yourself while being tolerant of others.

 

=============================================================================

 

It is not my intention to bash same-age relationships. Those can be good too. I'm only saying the age-gap relationships are equally valid and can also be good.

 

I don't intend to bash the baby boomer generation. They have many excellent qualities, but they do tend to be judgemental of people younger than them and older than them. i.e. - they tend to think their generation knows best about everything. This is ironic and hypocritical since the baby boomers were the biggest rebels in the history of young people (when they were young). Actually, I think the baby boomers are still rebeling. They did attain many improvements in rights for young people and for women. They should be respected for that and many other accomplishments.

 

So why do they tend to be intolerant of age-gap relationships? I'm not sure, but I think it's because their generation objected to many previously normal things, especially related to dating. i.e. - they didn't want their parents telling them who to date. Since age-gap used to be the norm, I think that's one of the things they rebelled against. So they embraced same-age relationships as "normal" as part of their rebellion against their parents generation's values. It's OK for them to like what they like, but not to force it on the rest of us. I love my baby boomer parents, even though I don't agree with them about some things.

 

================================================== =============================

It should be noted that a 5 year age-gap is common for baby-boomer first marriages, up to a 20 year difference is common for their second marriages. For first marriages, they usually don't bat an eye until things go over 8 to 10 years difference. i.e. - up to an 8 year difference isn't a big deal to anyone, not even the baby boomer generation that prefers same-age relationships. For all practical purposes, up to an 8 year age difference is considered a same-age relationship, if the younger person is at least 21. This by baby boomer uptight standards.

================================================== =============================

 

So in closing, I want to say that if your age difference is within 8 years, don't give it a thought. If you're relationship is over 8 years age difference, only some baby boomers might disapprove. Even many of them have loosened up about age-gap. For greater age differences, the baby boomer generation (in high school in 50s and early to mid 60s) might think it's weird, but who cares? They are the only generation in history to have this age-gap hangup. You can't let them run your life. They only know what was normal for them. They have little idea what is normal throughout history. They don't know what's normal for you.

 

P.S. - I love my parents, but disagree with my mom on age-gap issues. My dad is fine with it up to a 15 year difference. I can't run my life around them. Any age-gap debates I've had in this forum or anywhere else always occur with baby boomers. Cooincidence? I don't think so. Baby boomers are good people (generally), but they don't have the right to run my life or yours.

 

These are my opinions and experiences. Charley

[Daddy Bear]

i was gonna throw my two cents in, but after reading Charley's last post i can't think of a thing to add.

[nottoogreen]

Charley, The beauty of this forum is i'ts openness and the variety of opinions voiced on it.

 

We were not questioning or even discussing rights here.

 

My gf is 9 years younger than me, and yes she is more mature than me. I am a little bit concerned about keeping up with her as we have on average sex daily. Motivates to excercise...

 

Your neighbour lady has little in common with women today. Thinking how many women in her time were being used makes me shiver. My mother is 74, she was not happy with a chauvenist 9 years her senior using her body.

 

Accidents do happen, statistically most men pass earlier than women.

 

Charley asked me to clarify and / or delete

Charley is concernd that the following statments may be interpreted as stereotyping. I can not avoid this as any statement made without conclusive evidence may me deemed as stereotyping. I am open to better formulations, as long as he facts remain standing - please PM me with suggestions. I am in Asia for 22+ years and have much respect for women here as they often sacrifice themselves to hold families together and look after their children when the children's father long has moved on. I added some more "some..." to soften some statement. Offending is not the purpose here. Free flow of information and opinion is.

 

In Asia, age gap relationships are more common and more accepted compared to Europe and the Americas.

 

In Asia some men have and support several women, more so in rural areas. Been there too.

 

In some Asian countries, adultery is no legal grounds for divorce when performed by men.

 

In some Asian countries, marital rape is not a felony.

 

In Asia, marriage sometimes is an act of exchange of material to strengthen families. Womens feelings are often disrespected by families and husbands alike.

 

In Asia, in particular in cities, women are somewhat rebelling being more aware due to better education. Many women remain single and sometimes purely use men for material satisfaction and some have female lovers.

 

accross Asia, the level of sexual satisfaction of women, albeit low in the west, is much lower. Cultural barriers to communication between men and women are high.

 

My gf thinks ENA is good for me as I finally get down to talking to people. Be confident, I respect your views even though I may not agree with all of them, and I learn from them. I am here to communicate, understand and learn.

[charley]

I'm was talking about the world in general, not specifically Asia. Age-gap is common over much of the world. It does not have a link to women abuse either. It's cooincidental if/when both things occur in the same geographic area. Abuse (and also kindness) happen everywhere in the world, regardless of age-gap. Abuse is not an age-gap or an Asian issue. Abuse is a separate issue that is not (and should not) be seen as tied to age-gap. Also, I know some very strong, smart, capable Asian women.

 

I think you're applying a hurtful, negative stereotype to some really good people who are in age-gap relationships. An age-gap relationship has the potential to be as good (or bad) as any other relationships.

 

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. However, the complaint you describe has to do with a former lack of freedom of choice for her to say no. At least that's what it sounds like to me. That's not an age-gap issue. I'm all in favor of women having the right to say no. I'm sure we all agree on that. That is a different, but very important issue that the courts have resolved years ago. I'm all in support of womens' right to say no or yes, or whatever they want. I respect women's rights, including their right to be with who they want.

 

I also think they have a right to be with who they want and that's what this thread is all about, IMO: People's right of choice without being unfairly judged.

 

I really don't think we disagree, except that I want to avoid stereotypes.

 

P.S. - I don't disagree or agree with your opinion to Chrissy considering her age and the years age-gap. I simply chose not to comment on it because I don't know what's best for her. I can only try to get her to think about the issues without telling her what to do. In that way, I'm helpful while respecting her right to choose.

 

It's up to her and he might satisfy her fine. He might not. The fact is that we don't know.

 

Personally, I try to keep my age-gaps limited to something practical that I think would work for marriage, but that's me as the older person because I want to get married someday. I wouldn't push that on someone else. However, I respect that you're trying to help her.

 

I think you're a good guy. I see that you mean well and want to help Chrissy. I have no complaints with you. Except perhaps one. You seem to be trying to link women-abuse to age-gap. I do not think there is such a link at all. There are many abused women in the USA who are married to men within 5 years of their own age. I don't think there is any link between age and abuse. There are good and bad people of all ages, which is one of the first things I pointed out in my first post.

 

I'm sure you mean well and I respect that. We agree on some things. However, I don't like stereotypes. Age-gap relationships are not inherantly better or worse than same-age relationships. It depends on the individuals involved. The important things is that women (and men) should be able to choose who they want to be with.

[nottoogreen]

Crissy, Charley has good points for you to consider.

 

My opinion remains that a relationship with a 23 year age difference will not satisfy you in the long run.

 

By all means follow your heart and wisdom. Happy landings.

 

We are always here for you.

 

Charley, Edited again. I said I learn from you, I realise again that I must work on how I express myself. I said nothing about abuse being related to age gap. What may be implied is that age gap does not preclude abuse; I was actually referring to the attitude of the man (my father - passed 32 years ago of alcohol abuse) wrt treating women and that in relation to his generation and upbringing. My mother was quite experienced with men having traveled europe in the "50's as an opair.

 

Thus I like to clarify that abuse is only related to the individual, irrespective of race or sex.

[charley]

Well, I agree with you on some issues.

 

I'm going to whittle down the quote of what all you said to only the parts I want to address:

 

Charley I said nothing about abuse being related to age gap. What may be implied is that age gap does not preclude abuse.

Yes. I agree totally. Age-gap does not preclude abuse. You are correct. Likewise, similar-age does not preclude abuse either. Some older guys are creeps that go after younger women. That was one of the first things I said in my first post. We agree on this. Likewise some younger guys are creeps too. I think we're in agreement. Any middle age woman, and some younger ones to, know that creepy men come in all ages. Nice men come in all ages too.

 

Thus I'd like to clarify that abuse is only related to the individual, irrespective of race or sex.

Yes I agree again, except I'd say "regardless of race, sex, or age there are no guarantees of anything". i.e. - they don't preclude abuse, nor do they cause it. In fact, I said something to this effect in my disclaimer at the end of my first post. We are in agreement.

[charley]

I'm going to say some things in closing. Then I don't have more to say about this thread.

 

NottoGreen does make a valid point. Crissy, the age difference is large for your young age. NottoGreen is right about that. Does that matter? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

 

The age-gap in your situation doesn't matter, if you don't want to marry and have children with this man.

 

However, what if you do? What then? Would he want to marry? Would he want to have kids? Can he have kids? You need to think about these things. If you still want to proceed, then you need to talk to him about these issues.

 

Do you just want a casual relationship with this guy with no strings attached? If so, then I don't think the age thing matters.

 

What leaves me without more specific advice is your very young age and the rather large age difference. It would be different, if you were a few years older. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying this is outside my area of knowledge.

 

Each person has their own comfort zone with age difference. I can't tell you or anyone else that they should adopt my comfort zone. I can only say that I'm 38 and I leave the women under 24 alone. Well maybe a 23 year old, if she asked me. That's me. I start feeling guilty if they're under 24, but I suppose 23 is close enough for me. Those are my comfort zones. Each person has their own comfort zone and that's fine as long as they respect other people's right to choose their own personal comfort zone.

 

I really don't know what's right for you, but I know this much: You'd better give some serious thought to if you want marriage and kids with him. Find out what he wants, if you get with him. Also, think about this: You are young. You will grow and change. You might change your mind about what you want from life and your relationship. He won't likely change much. Please think about that. This is one important reason why I limit myself to women 24 and up. They have a good idea what they want from life and from me.

 

The reason I like women 24 and up is because I believe they are (probably) emotionally mature at 24 or 25. You're younger than that. On the other hand, individuals vary. Some women mature faster, or slower. Same with men.

 

If you were 24 or 25 I would say go for it. At your age, I don't know.

 

Ask the ladies for advice. They know better than I do.

 

I did notice that all the ladies posts seem to be encouraging you, or at least open to your carefully exploring it. I'm leaning towards carefully exploring it.

 

It's up to you of course. I have no intention of telling you what to do. I don't know what you should do. I just want to encourage you to think things through about the issues I described (what do you want, what does he want, etc) and then talk to him about those things before getting attached or having sex.

 

Also, I suggest you get more advice from the ladies. I think they are more qualified to be helpful in this area than NotToGreen or myself. The ladies who have experience with these issues are wise and can advise you.

 

On the other hand, if I was a 20 year old guy (again) and an older woman liked me, I would want to try it. I did that when I was 23 with a 36 year old woman and it was great. Good memories.

 

You're not 23 yet, but how much difference can 2 years make? Heck I don't know what you should do.

 

One very important question is this: Is he a nice guy? Will he treat you good? That is the most important issue.

 

Please ask other ladies for more advice, if you need more.

 

Good luck Chrissy.