Yet another thing to get my head spinning.

[Russo]

Well, some of you know my story, some of you don't,

 

for the uninitiated:

 

 

 

anyway, it's gonna be two weeks tomorrow that I was left to rot in the cold.

Why do I say that so angrily you might think? Well, she's at a festival tonight, enjoying her time, having fun, being nice and uninhibited. While for some of us that could be annoying enough, that's not where it ends. Oh no no no no! There's even more!

 

First of all, tiny update,

 

couple of quotes I've heard about what's she's been saying:

 

"'I didn't dump him, I'm not a dumper! I chose for myself"

 

yes hun, wrap it up real nice, put a nice red bow on top and it just might be convincing.

 

"I wanted to be alone, to concentrate on college"

 

uhuh, she needed to be alone. For a week and a half.

 

"I'm not out looking for a boyfriend"

 

Exactly. That's because she apparently found one at the drop of a hat.

 

Well, guess all the time, effort and energy I spent on her was worth zilch.

 

Yeah, it's nice to have heard that I was a "good guy", and the "it's not you, it's me" cliche.

 

Another thing, which really was a nice one.

 

"I know he's hurting a lot, but that isn't my problem"

 

yeah, great. Her last "serious" relationship was over five years ago. I've been with her a year. The guy was a total jerk, and out of the blue he dumped her, because he thought she was nagging too much about commitment, wanting to build a relationship together blahdieblah. He was just interested in his job, his car and partying. Heck, he even cheated on her, but she hung around none-the-less, because she loved him.

 

So, he dumped her. It took her FOUR! years to get over him. In the meanwhile however, they still slept together from time to time. When he was out and didn't score he came to her with a nice story about how he misses her and wants to work it out. And she gave in for the duration of two years.

Finally she came to her senses and whatnot, and broke it off permanently. Her way to get over it? Sleeping with a guy for two months after he chased her persistently. Now I know this guy, he's a womanizer who likes to tape his conquests and doesn't care for protection. She told me this. My response immediately was: "You know this guy's reputation. He slept with other women while he was sleeping with you, and still you didn't use a condom?"

 

Her response: "Oh well, it was in the heat of the moment"

 

She broke it off with him because he didn't want to be serious and monogamous.

 

I found out recently (post breakup) that that entire episode ended TWO WEEKS before she met me. A week later on the first date, she immediately slept with me. How stupid was I. She was always proud of her libido, that she wanted to do "it" more often than her partner and while drunk bragged how well she could suck ****.

 

Another amusing anecdote about "getting over it": As I said, it took her five years to recuperate. Less than a month ago she was at that exes house, because she remained close friends with his brother. So, suddenly, a 20-year old blonde comes in, says hi, and goes upstairs. (her ex wasn't home). She inquired who that was and he replied: "ow, that's Ricks' new fling, it's been going on not too long"

 

Guess what? The next day she was with me telling me that that BOTHERED HER! Excuse me?

 

In light of all this, while I reminisce, I can't help but wonder, what the hell was I thinking of settling down with this "thing" ?!? Mind you, during the duration of us being together she was the one who was talking about all kinds of stuff. Examples: she was planning where we would live. She discussed how we should name the kids. She was talking to me about what breed of dog we should adopt. Hell, just before she took off, she wanted to know what my wishes were if I were to unexpectedly die! "I want to know these things, these things are important if you're in for the long haul".

 

Right. So out of the blue, she pulls a 180. Splits, cuts off all contact, and whatever contact we had treats me like I sexually assaulted her sister (which I didn't) And now we're two weeks later. And she's out there, repeating the same pattern, and I'm here to pick up the pieces.

 

So there you have it. After five years it bothers HER that an old jerk ex has a GF, but within two weeks she has a new guy after being so "serious" with me.

 

Now tell me, why do I hurt while she apparently has more than a screw loose??

 

Maybe my friend was right and I should start hating her for BS'ing me like that for a year.

 

Sheesh.

 

EDIT: oh, on a final note, she doesn't tackle ANYTHING that bothers her, she just lays it aside stating: "I'm not spending energy on that"

 

hell, she literally said to me: "being in a relationship has to be fun!" I wholeheartedly agree, but as with anything, relationships have ups and downs, it can be all bubblegum all the time. and as soon we had an argument when I said something she would sulk for a while saying: "I just can't get over it just like that! It hurt!" But when it was the other way around, and I wanted to talk about it she would state: "You don't want to live in the past do you? Let bygones be bygones, don't waste time on it!"

 

talk about contradicting yourself.

 

yes, I'm angry, Angry at myself that I suddenly see all these negative things about her yet I am still in love.

 

Puhleezz.

[chigal28]

Ouch, it sounds like she wants the fantasy of settling down and having everything be handed to her and come easy to her, but when things actually turn into a real relationship (which you're right, DO require some work and compromise, and DO have ups and downs), she doesn't want to deal with it. It also sounds like she enjoys drama, and maybe doesn't even really know WHAT she wants at this point. I'm not saying she's a bad person, just a confused one who is at a different stage in her life than you seem to be.

 

I'm sorry you got caught up in that situation, but in all honesty, if this is the stage in her life that she's at, it's unlikely that the two of you could have created the healthy, loving relationship it sounds like you want and are prepared to have. You definitely deserve better, and I have no doubt that you will find it.

 

P.S. Don't beat yourself up for still being in love with her. I don't know who said this--Shakespeare, maybe?--but "the heart wants what the heart wants." But it sounds like your head is ahead of the game....just focus on YOU and what you want, and hopefully things fall into place....

[Russo]

Oh I have no worries, because I have a nice date for dinner in a while (see attachment) an old friend from highschool which grew up nicely.

 

She's a 23-year old law major. This girl wants to be a judge and works her butt off to get there. Talk about motivation.

[need2bme]

Sweet...nuff said.

[GottaLetItBurn]

That other girl sounds like she has horribly low self esteem, absolutly unrecoverable. Let her get used, she has problems, and needs lots of attention from other guys to validate her existence. Move on, your new date sounds like a normal person, start fresh.

[brando]

Russo,

 

You need to be easy on yourself. These things you are now seeing of her were not meant to be seen at any other time.

 

It sounds like your doing alright, you have a date tonight, enjoy it. Have fun.

[need2bme]

Russo, ya gotta let us know how it went. Also, please be careful about being with someone you really like while healing. I am not here to preach, because I did it, whether on purpose or accident, everytime I had a break up. Be kind to yourself and heal. Good luck.