Why did I do it!? WHY?!

[lioness726]

Ok, I read his e-mail. I know his password (although he doesn't know that). I've been just OK. I know it's the best thing not to be with him, but I still can't give up these habits!

 

And he had a nice little conversation back and forth with his friend Mike.

I cut out some of his buddy, Mike's, responses because there really wasn't much that he said.

I know my ex says that I broke up with him, but I was forced into it since this was the third break up and he wanted to "sew his wild oats" and told me that he wasn't ready for a committed relationship.

But, here it is:

 

Ex: Lioness726 broke up w/ me on Tuesday. Good times. Free at last, free at last!

 

Mike: Were you not paying attention to her... Again.

 

Ex: Naw. We've just been fighting so much the last couple months that there was no spark left. Even if we tried to work on things, it would just go back to being boring.

Planning a Vegas trip pretty soon. What's up now, * * * * *es?!

 

and when I was out there last month with Lioness726 I was lying my * * * off to every girl I met. "My name's Brian. I'm a mixing engineer at a record company". 60% of the time, it works all of the time.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

](*,)

WHY DID I HAVE TO READ THIS! I know this man is NO good for me. I KNOW I deserve better. Things have been bad for the past couple of months, but GOD! How can he be so HEARTLESS?

 

Man, I feel worse now. I hate him, a bit. Why did I have to be soo stupid and read his damn e-mails? I'm soo mad at myself now, but... I mean, did he seriously mean that? Just two days ago he was telling me how he KNEW he loved me!

 

*sigh. I hate men right now.

 

I should stay away from the computer. I should lock myself away. Someone glue my fingers to my back!

 

Help.

[eyeswideopen]

I don't know this is true for this guy in particular, but as a guy, I'd say the same thing to try and "prove" that I was strong enough to handle this, etc. etc. etc. etc. I probably would be real broken up inside but to save manface, I'd say, ah, no big deal, next.. at that age at least.. now not so much.

[ElektraHere]

Ok you did it and now you need to move past it. That is the problem when curiosity gets the best of us. We never benefit from it. I would not check his email again. Or change his password and then he will have to get the ISP to reset it for him. That way you will never be tempted again.

[friscodj]

Look, I can tell you this:

 

1) It takes break ups a while to sink in for me. Sometimes it hits me 2 weeks later or more. Before that, I feel great. He's not heartless, and maybe he is hiding from the emotions or hiding them from his buddy.

 

2) But why do you care?

 

3) Don't hate men. You've got to be tough and avoid stereotyping all men. Because all men are not like this. I personally feel really insulted when someone says that they hate men...because I am one...and I am a decent guy...

 

4) Force yourself to stay away. No more of this spying stuff, OK?

[melrich]

I agree with Elektra. Remove the temptation. Tell him he needs to change his password.

[ocrob]

I agree with eyes wideopen. I don't know if the ex is a bad guy, but we all seem to act macho around our friends. It sounds like you broke up with him. Did you? If so, then you have no reason to be snooping through his stuff. What he said may have been a defense mechanism. If he broke up with you, then I will take your side. If you did the breaking up, then I will tell you my opinion once I know the facts. Please tell.

 

Robert

[ocrob]

friscodj always has great input. Mix one for me bro.

[mzkris]

They are all right. Too much information is really bad. Especially when it is over. I used to know the spending habits of my ex via automated account info over the phone. I also had the password to the cell voicemail-and I checked it regularly. It was helpful in reinforcing my anger and hatred, but rolling through life with bad feelings isn't good for anyone. Cut yourself off if possible, otherwise you run the risk of becoming an obsessed stalker. You need to feel the pain as horrific as it is and move on. Focus on yourself and how you can improve/enrich yourself as a person. Mr. Right will come along.

[annie24]

ditto to what everyone said! stay away from his e-mail and all. and like eyeswideopen said, maybe he is exaggerating some things to look cooler in front of his friend.

 

either way, better that it's over now rather than later, right?

[JohnnyTable]

Do not read his email. That is an invasion of privacy for one thing, and can only lead to bad things for you.

[Daddy Bear]

wow, i agree with all these responses! i would bet that the "free at last" thing was to save face with his friend. and if you've already broken up, it seems like asking for heartache to read his private communications.

[lioness726]

Did you? If so, then you have no reason to be snooping through his stuff. What he said may have been a defense mechanism. If he broke up with you, then I will take your side. If you did the breaking up, then I will tell you my opinion once I know the facts. Please tell.

 

Robert

 

I was forced to break up with him. I was tired of the fights, lack of information, being jerked around, and of all the stress and constant wondering. This was the thrid break up for us and the first two were all him. This last and recent break up was the same reason as to why we broke up the second time. He's always had the feeling that he wants to "sew his wild oats" and he's not ready for a committed relationship. Basically the constant fights and break ups between us have been about him wanting to go around and have sex with a bunch of different girls. It was always about fidelity.

 

But of course the other times he would come crawling back and telling me how he was an idiot, he had issues, he loved me, and that he wanted to be with only me.

Don't get me wrong, I do know for a fact that he does still love me because he's said it to me and his friends. Even though my friends hate him, lol, they all agree that it's obvious he does love me but he has "one girl only"/committment issues.

 

Thank you all for telling me that he was probably putting on a front. In the past break ups, it took him a couple weeks before he was crying on people's shoulders over what he did. So I believe that he is just trying to save face, or whatever it may be.

 

I know, I really shouldn't look at the e-mails. I don't know what to expect to find. I don't want him back. Maybe I just want to see if he's miserable. But we all know that he probably wouldn't admit that.

 

Oh, and friscodj, I'm sorry about the "I hate men" comment. I don't really mean it, I know there really are great guys out there. I have a few guy friends that I know are awesome.

 

Thanks guys. These moments of weakness are tough. Afterward, I ran out the door and grabbed some sushi with a friend.