And so it begins...30 days of NC

[Nvee]

Day 1: Today is especially hard...myspace is no help and quite tempting since all it takes is a click for me to view his end of his world...but I've told myself that I'm setting myself up for sadness and more moping. I hope I can be stronger than that.

 

I've read all the other posts with advice on getting by daily without NC and I still don't see myself getting there yet. I'll probably dive into some retail therapy but that only satisfies so much, maybe catch up on a movie this weekend or put on my LBD and flirt the night away. Are those actions really healthy and helpful in moving forward?? And when the rule of NC works, what about the thought of that person still embedded in your memory?? Is it only when we move on with someone else that they fade away?? Those are just as hard to let go.

 

I know through time it'll happen...

[Amannamederic]

i feel for you, there are days when i think myspace/facebook are the worst inventions in the history of mankind. Just don't go to them, take him off of your top 8 so that it would take an effort to look him up and you'll be less likely to do so. Erase his messages from you, anything that would give you easy access to him.

 

As for flirting, yep it can help, just don't do anything rash like take an ONS (one night stand) and you should be ok, feeling attractive is the best way to hand it to your ex in a paper bag.

 

There is an old saying, Success is the best revenge. Don't dwell, go out and do your thing.

 

When i get dumped, if its during football season i don't mind at all, i usually play really well and im even more excited because if i play games well in college people will start to say "gee, he could go pro" how would you feel if your ex made it to the NFL?

 

So go out, meet men, be happy, enjoy yourself! Just don't sit at home...that never solves anything, no matter how many sad movies are on lol

[Orlander]

Doing anything that makes you happy and doesnt harm yourself or others is EXACTLY what you should be doing right now. Go out, have a good time, dance the night away. Remove your profile from Myspace and facebook if you feel the temptation is going to get to you. Right now, NC is the main point you should be adhering to.

 

I am truly sorry also for your pain, Nvee. Many of us are in the same boat, but it will get better. Just give yourself time to heal. Now, get out there and flaunt your stuff.

 

 

Orlander

[Nvee]

definetely. I'm putting all of my energy toward other things; work, unfinished projects, etc.

 

When you've been shown the best the lesser just gets annoying.

[lioness726]

DAY 1 for me as well. Yes, the Myspace thing is a horrible pain. It's hard. Looking at things like that is very painful.

 

Tonight, I'm going to have to go to his house to pick up my stuff. I'll be going with a friend and the ex won't be there. His roomie will let me in.

 

Although, I know it will be hard because I'll have to see this place where I spent practically every day at for almost 3 years. Granted, it's dirty and disgusting but the memories are soo many that it will be hard. His cats will be there and I love them dearly. They love me as well.

 

It could have been wonderful between us if things weren't the way they were. I know for a fact that this is the best thing in the world for me, but it's hard to forget the good times, the years spent together, and lots of little things we take for granted when they're around.

 

But I couldn't go on and be with him after all the hurt he inflicted upon me (this is our third break up). His wishy-washy wants of "Do I want other women?" and the lack of appreciation.

 

I must recommend a book. The title of it is, "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken."

[Hyperia81]

Myspace is definitly horrible, i suggest not logging in for a bit because you will feel tempted to view his page to see his pic/comments/ect.

One way i made it through NC was by visualizations.

If i wanted to pick up the phone to call him id imagine him saying something snarky, so id just put the phone down. If i wanted to write him an email id imagine him laughing and mocking me, so id close the email.

Try visualizing for means of ignoring.

[Nvee]

It's an uphill climb but once you reach the top you know its an easy ride the rest of way.

Going back to a place where you've spent so much of your time and made so many memories is hard to face. When I went to get my things I made sure to get the necessities like my art pieces, art books, cds, clothing...things that in no way have a connection with what you two had. I know that when I look at these items they won't automatically bring me to that place of guilt and sadness.

I'll definetely pick up the book and take a look at it...

 

Good luck and remember you can do it. you're stronger than that!

[Nvee]

Myspace is definitly horrible, i suggest not logging in for a bit because you will feel tempted to view his page to see his pic/comments/ect.

One way i made it through NC was by visualizations.

If i wanted to pick up the phone to call him id imagine him saying something snarky, so id just put the phone down. If i wanted to write him an email id imagine him laughing and mocking me, so id close the email.

Try visualizing for means of ignoring.

 

Hate is such a strong word to use and feel but I really do hate my ex. My past threads explain it all...I know that there are bigger and better things to come in my life and for once I feel like I can achieve all those things I wanted for me without compromising myself.

[Nvee]

ugghhh....I was doing so well. Even though I didn't communication with him..I set myself up for heartache by looking at pictures of he and his now new gf and just realized they've been attracted and quite interested in one another even while he and i were together (I live out of town and pictures show their past outings and quite possibly the beginning of the end).

Ouch!

Why couldn't I have had someone loyal??

Thank goodness for the weekend...

 

On the upside, I did get an email from a guy who I met a few weeks back with whom there's mutual attraction with. Even though we're both from the same town, he lives out of town now but visits frequently...should I be extra cautious with long distance relationships now??

[lioness726]

Nvee: Really try not to look at pictures of your ex. I know it's soo hard but it hurts to look. I really try not to look at my ex's Myspace profile. It hasn't changed much except that his staus says he's single. But in all honesty, what am I suppossed to find? That he's pining over me? Or proof that he's moved on and was over the relationship before it ended?

 

By looking at anything that has to do with him. You're just hurting yourself more. Even if an ex bf was upset at loosing you, he probably wouldn't show it.

I know we look because we still feel connected, or attached to this person. We are in some way trying to keep ourselves connected to this person's life, by whatever means we can (Myspace, e-mails, or message boards, or whatever else your vice is). Even if we find things that hurt us a lot.

 

And about this other guy... Don't jump into a relationship while you're still upset over your ex. Wait until you feel normal about life again. Jumping into something can backfire horribly.

[Nvee]

The weekend was busy and yet the thought of him managed to make its way into my head. sneaky. I hate it!

My head's saying move but my heart is still hurt...I just want to let go of the emotional attachment.

NC is in full effect but I'm having trouble in NT (no-thinking/thoughts of ex).

day 5 seems more difficult than day 2.

[iceman85]

NVee, i'm on the train with you. I'm a day behind you and it seems every day gets HARDER rather than easier. Each day I fear that i'm pissing away any future chance with her. Every day my head spins without her. Its so difficult but yet I know its for the best. Since I started NC I have felt better about myself, but I still feel bad about the situation and I cant get her off of my mind whenever I have free time to think.

 

I have the same goal as you for 30 days, my question to you is what do you plan to do if your ex doesnt contact you after the 30 days? Are you going to initiate contact? Cause I'm unsure of what to do if that happens myself.

[JohnnyTable]

I have the same goal as you for 30 days, my question to you is what do you plan to do if your ex doesnt contact you after the 30 days? Are you going to initiate contact? Cause I'm unsure of what to do if that happens myself.

 

Don't make any plans until 30 days. You will feel totally differently by then, and any plans that you make now will be a waste of time thinking about them.

 

Instead, perhaps you should plan something that you will accomplish in the next 30 days and get to it!

[Nvee]

I gave in. He contacted me and told me that a check was in the mail (for money that I let him borrow a few weeks back)...I was stupid enough to reply, "Good."

 

Geez, you'd think I'd resist the urge.

 

I guess it's back to square one with NC.

[JohnnyTable]

I gave in. He contacted me and told me that a check was in the mail (for money that I let him borrow a few weeks back)...I was stupid enough to reply, "Good."

 

Geez, you'd think I'd resist the urge.

 

I guess it's back to square one with NC.

 

This doesn't sound like a big deal. Don't worry about it.

 

There is never square one. Everyday is different... you cannot go back to the past

[iceman85]

NVee my ex contacted me as well and I kept it real short and didnt let my emotions get the best of me, i was kinda frustrated about the break in NC as well but if she was contacting me then I don't really see it as a bad thing.

[Nvee]

NVee, i'm on the train with you. I'm a day behind you and it seems every day gets HARDER rather than easier. Each day I fear that i'm pissing away any future chance with her. Every day my head spins without her. Its so difficult but yet I know its for the best. Since I started NC I have felt better about myself, but I still feel bad about the situation and I cant get her off of my mind whenever I have free time to think.

 

I have the same goal as you for 30 days, my question to you is what do you plan to do if your ex doesnt contact you after the 30 days? Are you going to initiate contact? Cause I'm unsure of what to do if that happens myself.

 

The start of this new week seems easier. I guess i have my days. Hang in there Iceman85.

 

There's no reason to go that long (30 days) in the hopes that he'll contact me. We shouldn't make the journey as 30 days when he/she will realize what they've lost but as a personal growth journey to truly appreciate what we have, who we have, what really matters and in hopes of finding someone who truly appreciates us. I'm quite certain you and I will be on our way to happiness and contentment with the situation very soon.

 

...it's slowly getting there...keep your head up and remember to smile

[Nvee]

This doesn't sound like a big deal. Don't worry about it.

 

There is never square one. Everyday is different... you cannot go back to the past

 

You are correct, everyday IS different. We can only move forward and with that hope of a better tomorrow.

[Nvee]

so does that mean I have to cut off communication with his friends?

[JohnnyTable]

so does that mean I have to cut off communication with his friends?

 

I would do so for awhile. Talking to his friends is like talking to him in some respects.

[lioness726]

I would do so for awhile. Talking to his friends is like talking to him in some respects.

 

Exactly! The second time my ex and I broke up I was still talking to his friends. In a way you're still connected to your ex. Bad news. It was close to impossible to get over him (obviously I didn't because I took him back](*,) ). And in a way they were dragged into the middle of our break up.

 

Make new friends, go out with old friends. Make NEW connections with NEW people. You'll feel better about yourself. Plus, they won't remind you of your ex. I've been doing this lately and I feel soo much better this time around. Plus, it's nice to know that he has no idea as to what's going on in my life.

[Nvee]

Exactly! The second time my ex and I broke up I was still talking to his friends. In a way you're still connected to your ex. Bad news. It was close to impossible to get over him (obviously I didn't because I took him back](*,) ). And in a way they were dragged into the middle of our break up.

 

Make new friends, go out with old friends. Make NEW connections with NEW people. You'll feel better about yourself. Plus, they won't remind you of your ex. I've been doing this lately and I feel soo much better this time around. Plus, it's nice to know that he has no idea as to what's going on in my life.

 

 

It's just a shame that I have to leave all friendships behind, good one's at that..and even though I've maintained them while my ex and I were together i just hate having to let go of good people because of a break-up. seem's unfair...hopeful we'll cross paths in the future and we can hang out on real terms not out of guilt or pity.

 

Today is not as great a day as yesterday...his new gf is bragging about what they did over the weekend and posting pictures like crazy (damn myspace)...is she trying to get a reaction out of me???...can you tell it's irking me?

[Nvee]

I thought yesterday was bad...

I've been asked on a date and I feel like I'm not ready even though this could potentially be the most harmless and casual date ever.

 

Plus I've just got an invite from a friend to my ex's show (he's in a band). I'm glad that they've still got the opportunity to play out there but it hurts me to know that I've been his number one fan, watch him go through this cut throat industry, hold his head up, lift his spirits, cheer him on..and to now know someone else is there for him...

 

Seriously can't take it right now...

I just feel so alone in this and wonder if he's even going through the emotions I am...or does 6 years not mean anything?