Online Dating Guide

[RayKay]

First off thank you for the kind words, and I was wondering if I can put some of that into my post (I post it on a site or two) and I will give you full credit. Also, some say that I should extend it into a book, (I know some people that are very smart on this as well in different parts). Anyway, at least for the post, do you mind if I add you into it.

 

By all means, go ahead.

 

2ndly, I like you're input but one thing I like is philosophy. Two of the most important questions or the only questions in Philosophy are: What do you mean, and How do you know. So my questions are:

 

What do you mean by "I know you will contact me" statement. I mean I understant the premise, but I am not sure the implementation here.

 

I hope you speak of it like Magic (the art not "real" magic), One of the most important principles is making someone believe something without telling them outright. For example, everyone knows that there are trick decks, but when a magician uses them right they are never ever suspected.

 

Also, if you notice in Magic a magician never says what he is going to do, but does it, and amazes you in that way. Which helps a lot since, it is unexpected so if you fail, you don't truly fail.

 

You have the idea of it. It is about making them believe, planting the seed in their mind, that they will contact you, they are intrigued and they will follow that up. They actually found that people were more likely to immediately respond to a profile if it ended with a statement "implying" they would contact them. It's not a demand they reply, it's more like a knowledge they will reply.

 

 

If you wouldn't mind do you remember the order you looked at profiles?

 

Hmm, well, obviously first you see their pic, at least in sites I was on.

 

Generally:

 

Picture

Teaser (the one liner beside picture)

Profile

Stats (ie looking for: relationship, want kids: one day, body type: athletic)

Other pictures if you could see them (some you can't until you get a pass/permission).

 

 

Did you ever pass up someone because there pic was really small, or of real poor quality?

 

Yes, I am sure I did. Not intentionally, but maybe as they did not catch my eye. If it was all blurry I would wonder what they are hiding. Anyone can get a good pic these days, at least if they are online they should be able to!

 

What made your husband stand out, what did he do on the first date?

 

Well, he's not my hubby....yet..lol.

 

What made him stand out...first off his profile was rather funny, in a confident way. I did not get impression he NEEDED to date online, he just chose to try it out.

 

I initially I saw him on Match, and I winked at him, but of course neither of us were paying there (you are right, most aren't). He found me on lavalife, and sent me a smile quickly followed with an email saying he was glad he found me, as he was very intrigued by my profile (and by my pic, as it was one of me standing astride my mountain bike covered in mud with a huge grin) and had basic introductions.

 

We chatted online a few times over next few days, found out we had lots in common, including even some aquaintances, and had probably even seen one another on the race course, though never met.

 

I don't think either of us thought "this was the one" when we were chatting, we both just thought we had some things in common and it would be neat to meet, we would at least meet a new training partner perhaps!

 

What did he do on the first date. I was waiting for him when he arrived, he walked right up the stairs, then broke into a huge grin (of relief?? lol) and came up to me and we had a little greeting hug. We walked into the establishment (met to play pool and for a couple beers) and I went up to bar to order, and start a tab. At first he seemed a bit shy/nervous, so I started asking how his day had been, as I knew he had gone riding at some local trails. We sat down while waiting for a table, and just talked about ourselves...he was pretty shy, but considerate and he loosened up when he realized I was not going to kill him and eat him I guess.

 

We played pool and it was perfect for some fun interaction. We chatted a lot, and while he sure did not let me win, he also played the gentleman too. He would casually touch me while talking to me, like on my arm, or my lower back as he walked around me. He showed a genuine interest in me. It was a great night, and a late one!

 

I liked that he was a dynamic mix of confidence, but shy respect. It interested me. He was very shy at initial meeting, but then would make a bet on a game for a kiss at end of night. When he lost that game, he still snagged a kiss a little later on anyway. It was just a right fit with me I think, and I can't explain it all, as it really came down to chemistry and a personality match.

 

Did he give you his number, or did he ask for yours?

 

He asked me out on a Tuesday morning over MSN, before we ever talked on phone, but he did ask me for my number. He called the Saturday afternoon of the date to confirm the actual spot we would meet, and that was first phone conversation. I remember that call, as he called and left message as I had left phone at home as I went to a movie, and I called back an hour or so later. He razzed me about having not picked up initially as I did not have phone with me, as he said whats the purpose in having a cell if you don't take it with you! I reminded him it has an off button and I am selective .

 

 

If he would have asked to meet you on day one, would you have?

 

Hmmm...probably. I would not of been opposed to it. Would not have met him that NIGHT (I am a busy girl after all!), but would of accepted a date, maybe. Depends how he came accross as. Not because he came accross as someone whom really seemed as like I said, someone magical..lol, but because I felt comfortable talking to him.

 

Would you say there are set dates, or "time" frames where you feel comfortable with a person, or is it a case by case thing?

 

Case by case I think, it can take time to build that comfort level. I think I can very early on sense when I am NOT comfortable with someone though. If they seem too "pressing, eager, clingy, have some very different values they express, tell me of their criminal record (hehe..not that I had that happen) or tell me they like to dress in woman's clothes (I DID have that happen)...I get a bit...well, I don't feel comfortable meeting them.

 

If I never got creeped out, but still was not comfortable meeting them in a week or two, I probably never would meet them though.

[sir sirloin]

Some girls don't like tall guys, and it'd be my luck lol.

I'm 30 years old and I've met one. She is married.

 

I say we work on your profile, or someone elses.

Working on the profile is irrelevent when it is costless to discard a possible match based on arbitrary numeric characteristics. The ratio is too skewed in favor of women. With your permission I'll copy and paste your profile and picture and make a "clone" of you with a differnt name and location, just change the height. I'm willing to wager I get a VERY small number of initial contacts.

 

My hypothesis is that unless a man is above a certain height "threshold" of about 5'10" he doesn't do the online thing and try for real life contacts, when it is costlier to reject.

[Budman]

What's wrong with some stilletos...

 

Wait, don't

 

Thank you Raykay.

 

I will edit your stuff into the appropriate spots. I very much appreciate the answers.

[Q10]

I didn't understand your hypothesis, but it seems like a nice experiment to try! Can you explain it a little more? (Your hypothesis)

[Budman]

I'm 30 years old and I've met one. She is married.

 

Working on the profile is irrelevent when it is costless to discard a possible match based on arbitrary numeric characteristics. The ratio is too skewed in favor of women. With your permission I'll copy and paste your profile and picture and make a "clone" of you with a differnt name and location, just change the height. I'm willing to wager I get a VERY small number of initial contacts.

 

My hypothesis is that unless a man is above a certain height "threshold" of about 5'10" he doesn't do the online thing and try for real life contacts, when it is costlier to reject.

 

Go right ahead, You have my permission to do it.

 

(With okcupid, I do not get emails, I get IM's so you'd have to keep a window open

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I am confused by the 5ft 10ins thing, and if a guy is under it it isn't advisable for him to do the online dating thing.

 

Guess what..my boyfriend is 5ft 7ins.

 

Guess what..we met on a profiles site, where I knew his height from word Go.

[Q10]

I am confused by the 5ft 10ins thing, and if a guy is under it it isn't advisable for him to do the online dating thing.

 

Guess what..my boyfriend is 5ft 7ins.

 

Guess what..we met on a profiles site, where I knew his height from word Go.

Is that what sir sirloin's hypothese meant? Because in that case, I'll have to tell, I'm under that (way under) and it wasn't a problem for me..

[Miss M]

Budman, I haven't read through everything here so I don't know if you already mentioned this, but if not, that blurb you wrote in Luke's thread would be good to include here. In a profile you should just be yourself, but present it in a way that gets them interested.

 

[flyinghigh]

how do i post something new..and get some advise

[Budman]

ANy advice? Seems like the ladies here who have tried online dating get loads of smiles and emails, but I am not getting much. I do have a picture, yes and I am not hideous Maybe I have the opposite problem of being too dang tall?

 

Wondering if my profile is the problem?

 

 

 

I have something I like better on Lavalife, but the site won't let me copy and paste. I am "The Dragon Lady" on there. Any advice? I am not looking for casual dating or hookups, but a more serious relationship. Lavalife allows me to put my profile up on the appropriate forum.

 

link removed has been rather disappointing. Nobody's even looking (70 looks in a week and zero response). I am thinking of dropping it and looking at okcupid, but I am wondering if my profile could use a bit of punching up.

 

Well, yes your profile is a little dull, but we can fix that spruce it up a bit. When I get a lil more time I'll be able to do more constructive criticism (Aka in about 4 hours I'll be able to do it. Basically try to show yourself through your profile.

 

we'll get it spruced up. Hoah!

[daredevil]

My profile on link removed if anyone could use som ideas from it (the danish version of it has gotten me lots of girls):

 

Let us go get the shiaat kicked out of us by love!

 

ABOUT ME

Vigorous and perky, an astounding ability to be playful, loves to do things, which makes people think about their existence (hence life) or just to make them smile to me. Sometimes people tell me that I have way too much fun or laugh too much, but I just can’t help the feeling to be playful. This mystic person spends each given opportunity to make people laugh or do something romantic or spontaneous for them.

 

If I could turn back the hands of time?

Then I would certainly be a child, because I just can't help the feeling inside me of having fun all the time.

 

 

 

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Hope u can use some ideas from it or tell me if its bad.

[Budman]

Come back from the grave I bring you to the front!

[Desiderata]

Bumping this thread again because I think it's really useful