I didn't CHEAT, but I did LIE...Please, I need your advice!

[Rabican]

1. The secret is bad.

 

2. The lying about it was worse.

 

3. The continued lying once caught, was even worse than the above two combined.

 

He obviously knows you saw the movie... you really cant lie about it and expect him to believe you now. Heres a good saying: It doesnt matter what happened, it only matters what you 'think' happened. Even if you didnt cheat, or didnt lie (you did lie) he feels that you did. Thats all that really matters. I think the best thing you can do at this point is just come clean, and then let the chips fall where they may. Maybe you can pick the pieces back up, maybe not. I think if you keep lying about this, or ignoring this problem, it will only get worse.

[PoloPony22]

He's broken up with me maybe, oh three times in since this happened. He will call me within a day or two, though, and somehow we'll end up back together. However, he keeps verbally abusing me. Calling me names, telling me that I am a disappointment to everyone, my family, etc. He does this when he's at work (emails) but then will act somewhat normal when we're together, and I tell him that it's not normal to talk to someone like that, try to hit them, etc. but he tells me that it's my fault because i drove him to being like this.

 

I know the right thing to do is to walk away before even more damage is done. I'm seeing a therapist now to try to deal--my self-esteem has taken a serious hit after being told that i'm not good enough for 6 mos.

 

I don't understand how he can justify his actions and the way he treats me by turning everythign around on me all the time? I can't handle all of the guilt.

 

If he thinks I'm such an awful person, etc. etc why doesn't he break up with me and cut if off completely?

 

He's going away for the weekend to the beach w/his friends. I was originally invited, but now I'm not. I told him that i was giong to visit a girlfriend in NYC, and he freaked. I need to get away, and not sit at home for four days by myself...but that would make things even worse.

 

How do you rebuild the trust? It doesn't seem fair that he can go away (and he will probably hook up w/other girls!) and that i have to sit at home, and not go out all weekend....it's a catch 22--if i go away, he will freak out, his imagination will run wild, and he will do something stupid. If i stay home, i will be alone, by myself, depressed....i dont know what to do?

 

he always tells me that i'm a bad person. but i dont think that i am. i think that i made a mistake, and am feeling the consequences, but am trying to make it work. i have a good job, i'm giong to grad school, i'm always there for him....why do i have to keep paying for my mistake? and why can't he just let me go, rather than abusing me like this? it's killing me inside.

[lunatic]

I have a very simple answer to your problem.

 

 

LEAVE HIM!! It is quite a different story here sweetie. As it is HIM that is not good enough for you. He is a cheater and an abusive partner who insults you every chance he get. Personally, if he can goto the beach with a friend then why the hell can you not goto NYC and have some fun?

 

Hun no one deserves to treated like this and I don't understand why you just don't show him the curb. Yes it will be painful and sad/depressing but, in the long term you will see the whole situation in a different light. You screwed up by lying to him yes but, that does not give him the right to put you down or tell you what to do.

 

Screw that it is a holiday weekend and no one should be home by themselves while he is out gallivanting.

 

Sorry I think your depression and anxiety come from this toxic relationship! I don't think you need a therapist, IMHO I think you need to lose this JERK!!!

 

-Hub

[Süsser Tod]

So you are willing to put up with his constant cheating, while he has been psychologically abusing you for 6 months!!??

 

 

Do yourself a favor, get out of there!

[yeawutever]

He lied to him and he abuses you frequently, no point in carrying on a relationship. It would be better if you guys just split up and go separate ways!!!!!!!!