scary thoughts...

[lucia]

I'm a very optimistic person and I'm happy for the most part, but lately I've been feeling down and having those suicidal thoughts. I was out of school for about a year beacuse of many reasons and I'll be going back to school this year(which I'm really happy about). But right now, I'm not doing anything. And Lately I've been having those suicidal thoughts that really freaks me out cause I've never thought about it before. I would never kill myself, but lately especially in the mornings I have those thoughts, I write those scenarios in my head. I wanted to tell my bf about it, but I'm affraid he'll think I'm a psycho. I feel like every day is the same and I know that tmrw I'll do the same what I did today and yesterday that makes me feel really depressed. Why am I having those thoughts?? When I think about it I always cry, I hate it, I don't want to think about killing myself, but I do. I don't know why it's happening to me. Please help me!

[RayKay]

I recommend you go to see a therapist, it can be the best thing you ever do for your life, literally.

 

It sounds like you may be depressed, and if you are (and a professional can diagnose you) there are ways to treat it (ie combination of therapy and medication). It's not something you can just deal with on your own if you are, and the longer you wait, the worse/deeper it gets. The reason I recommend this so early on before trying just other methods (ie exercise) is because if you are having suicidal thoughts, that is pretty serious.

 

In addition, I would also recommend exercise, a healthy diet and getting out there and pursuing some new hobbies, passions and interests. They aren't magical cures, but they will have a very positive effect if you are feeling rather lost and down.

[brando]

What else is going on in your life??? Are you close to your family, do you have a solid relationship with them?? Any fears ??

 

I think sometimes it happens, try not to take these feelings so seriously... i mean we all feel different things each and every day , and throughout the day.

 

The best thing to do is to acknowledge the feelings and then release them.. they do go away, and also whatch your thoughts...what have you been thinking about??

[lucia]

Yea I'm close to my family, they are awesome. I feel like I'm trying to prove something to my bf and he doesn't seem to appreciate things that I do for him. I love him, but sometimes he acts like he doesn't care about me. I'll give you a silly example, I haven't seen him for 2 weeks cause he went to visit his family. While he was there a decided to make a gift for him and and I made him a plush teddy bear (I know it's kinda silly, but it actually came out pretty good and it looked cute) I thought he would appreciate a hand made gift. I also made him a CD with songs that we both like.

So when he came back to NY and we met up I gave him that teddy and the CD. He looked at that teddy bear and asked "what is that, what made you do something like this? Why are you giving me a teddy bear?" I mean he could at least pretend he liked it cause I spent a couple of days on that teddy. That made me feel so stupid.

 

 

So when I was having those thoughts this morning I was thinking that maybe if I had an accident he would come to the hospital and finally notice what he almost lost. I don't know. I know the whole story sounds stupid.

[lucia]

And don't get me wrong I don't think about killing myself every day. Just sometimes. I don't want to take any medication.

[brando]

Maybe your just bored. Did you say you werent working or going to schoool?

[lucia]

Maybe your just bored. Did you say you werent working or going to schoool?

 

I'm not, I'm having a trouble with finding a decent job.

[lucia]

Anyways thanks for your help. I still feel this way though but I'm tired and will go to bed now. Maybe tmrw I'll feel better. I feel this way for a couple of days now though........

[brando]

ok,that could be part of the problem... I dont know, it seems you are to happy from some of your posts i read to be even thinking this... i always see some lauhter in the few posts i read, except this one.

 

If you feel this way or see these thoughts coming, try not to focus on them, let them pass.

 

Is their anything else going on in your life that may be making you feel sad???

 

Just trying to help...

[Gracelove]

Hey There!

I just want to say that I'm really sorry you're feeling this way.

I used to have suicidal thoughts in my teenage years, but they eventually went away.

I don't remember why they went a way, but I just wanted to give you some sort of hope.

I know they can be scary....

I would definitely suggest you see a therapist.

I didn't see one when I was a teenager, but you should definitely seek help.

I think it might be a good thing not to tell your boyfriend, I only say this because when I had suicidal thoughts, no one knew about them.

Seek help, therapists are trained to deal with such situations, you're boyfriend will probably just freak out.

Hang in there.

[lucia]

Thanks Brando. Well no, I don't have any other problems. I guess my only problem is feeling worthless at the moment, but I'm sure it'll change though. I just need to get a new job and start school. I'll happen soon and the I'll be fine.

But right now I have nothing to do and I feel like I'm wasting my time you know? It's the worst feeling ever. My bf says that I'm lucky I have so much free time and he makes fun of me saying I'm lazy it usually doesn't make me upset cause I know he's joking. But today it does.......(lol maybe I'll get my period soon, cause I usually feel a bit down a couple of days before that) Ummmmmmmmmmmm jeez I feel like I'm bothering you.

[lucia]

ummmmmmmm so you think I shouldn't tell my bf?

[brando]

no problem...a little too much information (just kidding) but i think what you just worte may explain the thoughts you were having. Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully you will not be thinking this way.

 

SOmeone once taught me this little mantra..

 

Change a thought, move a muscle.

 

It took me sometime to figure the true meaning and when i did i find it useful, especially for simialr situations like you descrived here...

 

be well,

brando

[lucia]

Yea you are probably right and I like that quote All in all I'm an optimistic person hehehe To be honest I feel a bit better already.

[brando]

see,,, their is that little laugh again....

 

 

be well..

[lucia]

thank you so much. oh I'm sure I don't want to kill myself, that would be stupid.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

If your boyfriend is a half-decent guy, he should never "freak" at you for mental conditions you cannot help.

 

I have a thought disorder. Technically, a mood disorder, but it gives rise to some very undesirable thoughts.

 

The two worst ones I have had to date include the delusion of an impending apocalypse (I said goodbye to everyone..) and that my father was going to abduct me and rape me.. I wouldn't even get into a car with him or be alone with him for a while.

 

My point is - horrific delusions, we can survive them. I have had genuine psychosis (making me a "psycho", I suppose), and I'm allowed out sans white jacket.

[Dubzuk]

i think u should speak to ur boyfriend about this, i dont think he will think ur a psycho, sometimes i even think about killing myself but i just try and think about other things coz, nothing is worth killing urself over.

[Mr. Roboto]

It seemed very clear to me why you're thinking this when I read what your wrote. Your boyfriend doesn't appreciate you. The way he reacted to that gift made it quite clear that the guy is jerk. You care about him but when you've got feelings like that for someone who doesn't treat you with the proper respect it brings you down. You feel trapped and you want a way out. Think about it. You think that telling him you have these suicidal thoughts will get you the supportive attention you want from him - what he denied you by insulting the gift you worked so hard on. The problem is that he may be a bigger jerk than you think and he could respond to you with insults rather than the supportive attention you want from him. This could turn those general suicidal thoughts into specific plans and actions - you're going to feel worse and keep pushing the bar further and further in the hopes that he will change and show you compassion. The only certainty is that, whatever type of guy he is, you can't make someone love you because your life is in jeopardy. It's a temporary fix or it could just make things worse for you by showing you how little he actually cares, even when you talk about taking your own life. You're letting this guy define your self worth - you have to define your own value. If you let someone else do this, you're putting your life in their hands. Don't make that mistake. You deserve better than him. I would drop this guy before he makes you feel any worse.

[AwdreeHpburn]

That made me feel so stupid.

 

So when I was having those thoughts this morning I was thinking that maybe if I had an accident he would come to the hospital and finally notice what he almost lost. I don't know. I know the whole story sounds stupid.

 

the whole story sounds anything BUT stupid.

 

ANd you're so very far from stupid Lucia. You've given me some great, heartfelt advice before. You're a very sweet person. I think you're currently under-appreciated and feeling it.

 

I'm not saying he's un-deserving but he does need to realize what he's missing. I totally get what you mean about wanting something big and drastic to call his attention to it.

 

Whilst i know YOU know an accident isn't the way, I definitely appreciate the sentiment behind it. I suggest either a very candid talk in which you tell him EXACTLY this, what you've told us, or take a break and see if that wakes him up.

[lucia]

Thank you all for your responses, they made me thinking about my relationship. I don't know what I'll do yet. Well I was just really depressed when I started this thread, but I am not anymore, I feel much better because of you guys and thank you so much.

[xoxevanescencexox]

All I can can say is your the only person that can control what your tinkin...

No.one.can.make.you.think.that.way

[renthead]

You're probably worried about the future and what it has in store for you. You might be under deep stress and you're not used to feeling this way. The best thing to do is talk to somebody who will always be there for you no matter what. I think if your boyfriend is a good one, he will understand you and support you 100%.

[Spugly Fuglet]

stress can pull you done but feeling will never kill you, nope real things like guns do that. Long as you have life you have hope.

[bubzley]

Well your already trying to seek help.... WAY TO GO!!! But anyhows yeah why dont you call one of those kids help lines type of thing and just talk incase your worried about seeing a therapist.... but yeah just have hope and start thinking positive before you go to bed.... you wake up in a better mood i promise.... take care and let me know how you go maybe i can help?