Embarassing, please help!!

[ginger25]

Hi,

 

Met a fantastic guy about a month ago and everything was going really well, both decided to take things relatively slowly and was 99% certain the sex would be amazing..well no it wasn't!

 

Feel sooo shallow and horrible saying this but he isn't exactly well endowed, to put it mildly. I guess this wouldn't be a problem but he didnt make much of an effort to please me in other ways. I mean it was ok because it has been such a big build up to us sleeping together I was turned on anyway, but I can't cope with that in the long term.

 

I'm really quite shy about asking for what I want in bed and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Also because it's early days I am wary about saying anything - maybe when he trusts me and feels more comfortable things will improve.

 

The thing is this: sex is really quite important to me, and we are so compatible in every other way. I suspect he either isn't very experienced in bed, which would surprise me cos he's a great guy, or feels insecure about his manhood which is making him nervous in bed.

 

I could really do with some advice about how to approach this one? Thanks!

[leyla_h]

Perhaps you could offer suggestions to him without actually making it obvious. Like you could say you really liked it when he did "x" and he'll take the hint and do it more often, or actually do it in the first place! Or, while actually having sex, you could give some directions like "harder" "slower" or whatever.

 

I had some problems with my boyfriend, nothing to do with him, but every-so-often we have a chat about how stuff is going and he's said to me that he's glad we can talk about stuff. We've been going out for 9 months. You could try having a general chat with him and see how it goes.

[ginger25]

thanks for the advice leyla.

 

i guess it's partly my problem aswell - I don't want to feel like i'm asking him to do something he doesn't want to, if u know what I mean. I think deep down I have these feelings that some things are disgusting or dirty, which hold me back. It's never been a problem with other guys i've been out with cos most of them were really open about things in bed, which made me feel at ease.

[Siriana]

Well, I have 2 different solutions.

Do you feel sexual attraction toward this guy? By that I don't mean attraction in a way he's a great guy, we get a long great. I am talking about that pure superficial physical attraction, where you want to rip someone clothes off?

That is the diference between friendship and relationship. You need to feal that sexual attraction for a happy relationship.

 

If you're not feeling it, than you'll have to end things.

If you do, stop beeing shy in bed, because sex is very important to you, so why not telling him what you need to be satisfied? Maybe he was nervouse, not experienced enough and so on....maybe you haven't reached that level of emotional intimacy yet, so he was ashamed talking about it. If you are sexually attracted to guy give him another chance. And get emotionaly closer so you could discuss those things openly.

[ginger25]

hell yeah we are so attracted to eachother sexually, I wouldn't think twice about it if we weren't.

 

Ur right about the emotional intimacy though, i've been used to discussing things with other men from the start - we have never discussed sex at all, which kind of made it more exciting initially.

[Amannamederic]

this might be out of place but just how small are we talking about here? Below 4? because if its that small you might have to concentrate a little more than usual...or try interesting angles to hit the spots he can't hit normally

[ginger25]

It's difficult to say, don't think it was that short. I'm not sure whether maybe he lost his erection as I know he was having a hard time "getting it up" so to speak...feel really silly as I'm not inexperienced sexually, but because I've never come accross this before it's hard to know what the problem is!

[piegirl]

First time nerves maybe? Have you only had sex once or twice? It may get better once you get more used to each other sexually.

[ginger25]

Yeah perhaps it was, we've only had sex once, i just want to be prepared in case it happens again - i find it really hard not being able to talk about things but i realise I need to be ultra sensitive about this