weird break up

[Geno101]

Hi everyone, this is a long story, so get your pop corn..

 

alright. here's my love story.

 

On October 15th, 2005, i met my BEST FRIEND'S girlfriend. i had talked to her once before but it was awkward and very short lived. We began talking everyday because she found me much different from the rest of his friends. We clicked. we had a WIDE amount of things in common. It would seem as if we were long lost relatives the way we were jsut alike. We began talking everydya by yahoo instant messenger. and I told myself, knowing the type of person i was, that i wasnt gonna like her. I was gonna purposely try not to like her.

 

 

By this time i wasnt exactly BEST friends with my "Best friend" anymore. not because of her but because we're growing into two different people (we've been friends since 4th grade...9 years old)....By the end of november, she says she started falling in love with me. She once came out and said "i have something to tell you....I think i'm falling in like with you"...and i was on the other end of the screen feeling good, but feeling scared and worried about her just joking...so i hesitated and didnt respond right away. she finally said "SIKE! just kidding..you thoguth i was seirous didnt you?"...i laughed and we continued tlaking about whatever.

 

I had begun feeling as if a void in my life was filled with this female presense in my life. It was something i had always wanted and had always subconsciously was mssing but, couldnt quite put my finger on it. So i began liking her. and she would call me from everywhere. she called me on thanks giving form her fmailies house, she would call me on her way home from school, she called me from her family's house on around christmas. And eventually, i broke the news to her. i did the same thing as her, except, i never said i was joking...I flat out told her...and we talked...and she eventually ended up telling me she wasnt joking when she told me about a month earlier.

 

 

So we began talking religiously. finding SOOOO many things we had in common. Her love grew from loving me less than loving her boyfriend...to loving me equally and then more than him. she often times changes it up and says equal or goes back to syaing she loves me less but i'm not convinced that thats the truth. he often times treats her terrible and makes her mad and she even cries form being so frustrated being with him. but she stays. And this was killing me the entire time.

 

She ended up having sex with him while me and her were in love....I took the first itme stoicly...as if i dindt care but inside i was dying...i thoguth it was gonna be a one time thing. This was in January...then in february around his birthday, they had sex again. then at the end of february she had sex with him again and kept it form me for two weeks. but her guilt drove her to telling me. (that showed me that she cares mroe about me because her guilt didnt allow her to keep it from me but she's keeping everyhitng from him with ease)....and then once again the day after HEr birthday, April 13th...that was the last time because THAT time, she heard absolute pain in my voice. i damn near cryed.

 

Each time after the sex she said her demeanor completely changed, and her mood shifted downward because she felt bad for me. The reaosn those first couple times didnt make me too mad was because he is terrible at sex in the first place and he's a premature ejaculator. So i wasnt very HURT becaus ei knew she dindt enjoy it. And because i tried to take this punishment as an equalizer for falling in love with my best friend's girl. I took it as my own punishment. Being a man about it, somewhat. But the last time, i was mad simply because by the 3rd time, in the end of february, i was begging her not to do it again, but iwasnt exactly showing how much it hurts me. I just hinted around to not wanitng her to do it anymore.

 

 

She said she "didnt know whether it would happen again or not"....she DID feel bad. She isnt a liar. Especially not to me. she really felt bad, but like me, she's VERY sexual. And she said that she only settles for him and she wants ME now. She's jsut settling. but the last time. I damn near cried. I had no mercy with my language and i eneded up making her cry by letting her know some things he hadnt told her that he told me. not to get back at her but i just did it on impulse and it ended up working. We talked for hours on in, she was cooperative with me. and she promised that it wouldnt happen again, because she didnt know before how much it hurts me.

 

 

So she's gone two months without having sex with him, for me. because we do plan on getting married. Although we're young we're very mature with decisions and plans. We know what we want. its not puppy love. him and HER is puppy love. but yeah. he treats her like trash .Talks about her ample fat. she's not fat, she's just thick. Its like sexy thick, but he's the type of dude who likes skinny girls, so he downs her about that. he's tlaked about her hair. he's a joker but theres some truth behind his jokes. and thats funny because me and her bother have always hated the fact that he jokes so much. and his jokes hurt sometimes. i've experience that as a kid growing up with him and she knows from experience as well.

 

 

Well anyway, recently she decided to just be friends with me because "guilt is eating her alive"...which is an understandable concept. but, my argument is, she's been putting me through hell. I havnt been able to receive what i've rightfully earned. I havnt been given what i have worked for. instead i have to watch someone who makes her feel miserable receive everyhting i should be getting. such as affeciton, sex, and respect, and appreciation. but i stuck with her anywya. I cant talk to other girls because i dont wanna hurt her. but i cant have her because i respect HIM. you see that rock and hard place? I'm right there with no choices. I'm jsut stuck. and even if i wanted to talk to other girls, my love wouldnt allow me. I'm too deep in it.

 

but she says she thinks we should just be friends for now, until they break up, and she says she thinks that they wont last very long past highschool. (she's been saying that for 8 months now) and the graduation was TODAY. Now, we've been talking less, and i'm feeling miserable. She misses me too, but she doesnt show it back. i spend a lot of time sending emails and i just confess my heart and my feelings all day long because i cant restrain, or stand to keep them in. Its killing me not being able to have her in my ear constantly, hearing her voice. You know? but she just easily hides her feelings. She doesnt seem to be suffering like me...

 

 

I dont understand why its possible for her to just LEAVE me. I couldnt do that with all my strength. I'm too in love. why does she go back to someone who treats her so bad and makes her cry at night , and leave me? She admits i'm WAYYY better for her and i make her feel 10 times better than he does. but she leaves ME (for now) to be with him. and i'm dying inside for it...how can i get my mind right? why am i suffering and why doesnt she seem to be suffering? how can i restrain from letting her know my emotions? its so hard.....please comment on any aspect of this story. I need insight from an outside source. because she wont speak her mind. She's very...secretive or shy when it comes to her thoughts and feelings.

[mystik]

You're not going to get any responses until you break that down into paragraphs!

[Psylocke960]

I agree with mystik but from what I've gathered so far...This girl is confused between you and your best friend. It seems like she's just taking both of you for a spin. One day she wants you but then decides she wants to go back to your friend. I understand you have stong feelings for her but is this honestly what you want? Could you really continue this cycle? I know I couldn't. I definitely wouldn't want someone who will go back and forth, confused between my best friend and I.

 

You really need to do what's important for you and what will ultimately make you happy. Personally, from what you've mentioned about this girl...She needs to find a way to make herself happy as well.

[Geno101]

lol, sorry about that. i forgot to do that. i know forum do's and dont do's. Lol.

[Geno101]

hmm....point well taken. the only reason i'm enduring this is because i have big plans for her and i. and i feel she's absolute wife material and i feel as if i'd endure anyhting to get her. because she amkes me more happy than most people without even trying, aside form the few thigns she does . But, her in my life makes me feel like a new man, and this is jsut from a PHONE relationship. We went out one time. And there were fireworks, but at the same time, hesitation and restraining due to guilt issues. but. i feel like i'm enduring hell now because theres VARIOUS rewards at the end of my road. But right NOW. I feel so miserable without her sometimes. i dont know what to do.

[Psylocke960]

Just curious...I noticed you are 17 but is this girl your first love? Have you had other girlfriends prior to her?

[Geno101]

good quesiton. yeah, she's my first LOVE. once before i told a girl i loved her...but i was so young (about 13) that i didnt know AT ALL what it meant. when i told her, i was saying it like general love...and she reacted like "you do?? awww" and i....i was shocked at how she reacted because i didnt even mean it that seriously. It was just like...generally, i loved her. Like that. and i later realized what she THOUGHT i meant. but, that girl was my first girlfriend, officially and we only lasted a month because i had no idea how to show emotions or be a boyfriend. Thats when i was a freshmen in High school.

[Psylocke960]

Well, if I was in your situation, I would personally let her go at least for now so that you can focus on yourself and she do the same. I think she needs some time to think and to reevaluate her relationships between you and your friend. It will be difficult for you but I know it will also help you overall as well. Don't let her string you around like this because she knows you will always be there at HER convenience. No one deserves this kind of treatment.

[sonjam]

I'm going to very straight up with you, but remember I don't mean anything in a bad way.

 

Facts:

 

1. This "relationship" reminds me of an internet crush. You never spent any REAL time with her, the whole relationship (or what you call a relationship) is based on what you two told each other about your lives in mails, over the telephone, and in pm's.

 

2. She's dating your best friend, for REAL, and she's having sex with him.

 

My opinion:

 

She was only toying with you. You made her feel good, you were somebody to talk to. She's not going to leave her boyfriend for your, because she had her "bread buttered on both sides".

 

Oh it is so horrible when somebody plays with peoples feelings. Unfortunately girls in high school do that, they don't really know what they want, and they are far too young to know what Real love is all about. You were the unfortunate vicitim in this whole spectacle.

 

My advice to you is to cry your heart out, and then move on to other girls. There is alot of girls out there that would want to be with you, not only give you 5% of themselves long distance, but 100% of them directly to you. Don't you think you deserve girls like that?

 

I know it hurts now, but you guys are not meant to be. You are standing on the threshold of your life, don't mess it up or waste it over one girl who couldn't make the right choices.

[Geno101]

Well, if I was in your situation, I would personally let her go at least for now so that you can focus on yourself and she do the same. I think she needs some time to think and to reevaluate her relationships between you and your friend. It will be difficult for you but I know it will also help you overall as well. Don't let her string you around like this because she knows you will always be there at HER convenience. No one deserves this kind of treatment.

 

hmmm. thats what i've been aiming towards. but being without her just doesnt feel natural after 8-12 hour phone conversations almost EVERYDAY. you know what i mean? I know i could do it, but i'm just scared of how its gonna have me feeling. I'm already a bit depressed, and its because of her, mostly.

[sonjam]

Oh, the best thing to do is get out there, have a good time with your friends, and try and avoid them for awhile. Before long you will look at them, and say to yourself "what was I thinking??" She will be the worse off for it, and you will be on your way to a prosperous and healthy life!

[Geno101]

yeah i hear you but i dont feel as if she's exactly toying with me. I think she just made bad decisions like you said and thoguht for the MOMENT and had sex, and then felt terrible enough to cry for me later. and she proved tha tby now restraining from ever letting it happen again. I've thought about moving onto other girls, but she's so in tune with me, and we're so much alike tha ti dont feel tha ti could be with another girl and not realize somethign major is missing. You know?

 

we have so much in common. And insecurities i have about myself, works perfectly around he preferrences and personality. like i have a penis size insecurity and She DOES NOT care...at all. and a couple other things and she makes me comfrotable with them. while with her, i have talked to other girls in school or whatever, but they all seemed to fall short of her. the only reaosn i endure this is because she Also has plans on being with me, after she finds it in her to break up with him. because he's her first love.

[Psylocke960]

hmmm. thats what i've been aiming towards. but being without her just doesnt feel natural after 8-12 hour phone conversations almost EVERYDAY. you know what i mean? I know i could do it, but i'm just scared of how its gonna have me feeling. I'm already a bit depressed, and its because of her, mostly.

 

I'm sure there are many on here who's situation is far worse off than mine but try LIVING with someone for years and then for them to tell you that they are no longer in love with you, move out and go back to their ex.

 

If I can do it, so can you You'll be fine and as sonjam said, you'll eventuallly find someone who will devote 100% of themselves to you.

[Geno101]

I'm sure there are many on here who's situation is far worse off than mine but try LIVING with someone for years and then for them to tell you that they are no longer in love with you, move out and go back to their ex.

 

If I can do it, so can you You'll be fine and as sonjam said, you'll eventuallly find someone who will devote 100% of themselves to you.

 

aha.....i feel for you...and you're right. I could do it, especially since you jsut opened my ignorant eyes to somethign far worse than my situation. i dunno, its just so hard for me because this is my first swing at love. and conveniently, she has had so much in common with me i'm afraid to take that risk and venture awya form her and not be able to find someone that matches, or outdoes her and not be able to find my way back to her.

 

I believe me and her are so much alike because i truelly think my "best frined" foundna girl that was just like me and was attracted to her for that very reason. because he talks about not having me around anymore and he reminisces about the old days and i think he liked her so much because she was like me, which is why you have me and here as damn near perfect matches. it was sort of like...he brought her straight to me without knowing or trying. He isnt right for her at all, i know that.

[Psylocke960]

I know it hurts now, but you guys are not meant to be. You are standing on the threshold of your life, don't mess it up or waste it over one girl who couldn't make the right choices.

 

I agree!! Move on and find a girl who is worth your time...

[Daddy Bear]

Geno, i agree that it doesn't necessarily sound like she was toying with you. but it does look like you might love her more than she loves you. no matter how perfect you are when you're together, she wants to be with your friend more for her own unknown reasons and if you ask me, you can't really make any plans for her to come back.

[Psylocke960]

I understand being it's your "first love." I was there once but just give it time. Maybe it'll help her realize what she wants or it will make you realize that there's so much more out there without having to torture yourself like this. Honestly, if she was a perfect match, you woudn't be treated this way.

 

You're still young so go out and have fun. I wouldn't be worried at your age that you will not be able to find someone that matches you. Go out and take those risks!!

[Geno101]

Geno, i agree that it doesn't necessarily sound like she was toying with you. but it does look like you might love her more than she loves you. no matter how perfect you are when you're together, she wants to be with your friend more for her own unknown reasons and if you ask me, you can't really make any plans for her to come back.

 

yes, i certianly feel as if i love her way more than she loves me. and i need sort of way to filter that. some way to...decrease that. or bring her lvoe for me to a greater level. but the thing is, i love her so much because she's like a new bodily limb for me. I've been feeling like i've been mising something and SHE came along and the fact that she;s so in tune with me and we have so much in common makes me that much more possesive of her and unwilling to let her go. because she has showed me feelings and emotions unkown to me before October 15th, 2005. But i havnt been giving the opportunity to show her my maximum level of physcial affection and the thing is, she loves me enough now to cheat on her first love, but she hasnt received even HALF my love yet, which is why i'm so confident in our relationship. I have things up my sleeve for her that will have her cheesing and crying (from joy) for days on in. She hasnt experience even half my love yet, nor have we had the pleasure of getting sexual pleasure from each other. I think me and her has a long road ahead of us which is why i'm so hestiant to throw this all away.

[Geno101]

I understand being it's your "first love." I was there once but just give it time. Maybe it'll help her realize what she wants or it will make you realize that there's so much more out there without having to torture yourself like this. Honestly, if she was a perfect match, you woudn't be treated this way.

 

You're still young so go out and have fun. I wouldn't be worried at your age that you will not be able to find someone that matches you. Go out and take those risks!!

 

yeah. i told her that. if she just wants to be friends with me, all it will do is emphasize the tremendous difference between the way i treat her and the way he treats her because she wont have me to complain to about him or my shoulder to cry on and she will come back to me, but i may not even take her back. She may jsut be runing a great thing in her life for a temporary and unwanted relationship.

 

OH! i forgot to mention this. I dont know how. but she actually flat out said SHE DOES NOT LIKE HIM ANYMORE. all she has left for him is love, guilt, and fear of hurting him with a break up. She says she cant stand being with him and she doesnt like him. He gets on her nerves. and i give her what she doesnt get from him, but all this time she's just been settling for him.

[itsallgrand]

I havnt been able to receive what i've rightfully earned. I havnt been given what i have worked for. instead i have to watch someone who makes her feel miserable receive everyhting i should be getting. such as affeciton, sex, and respect, and appreciation. but i stuck with her anywya.

 

Ehh???

 

I'm sorry, but this situation was grounded from the get-go. She had a bf and yet was with you too. That's a pretty strong indication of where a person is at.

 

This whole thing....Geez, man, love is not like a bank. What you put in - you do not necessarily get back.

When you are sincerely in love, that whole idea becomes absurd. You give without expectation.

 

Yikes. Give up on this attitude. It's gonna put you in situations where you can not win.

 

You're only 17. You will go on to love another. One day, you'll look back in awe that you could allow yourself to settle for a girl who is not willing to give you her whole self.

 

Yes, you like her attentions, you like her, you would like to have a gf. It will come soon enough......much faster if you let go of this one.

[Geno101]

point, once again, well taken....i have a lot of thinking and talking to do....we're gonna see how she reacts or what she thinks tomorrow. I'll be sure to let you guys know what she said, just to give you somewhat of an opportunity to see what type of person she is and to see your advices live in action. we'll see,

[Psylocke960]

I'm sorry but she needs to be honest with him and with herself. Otherwise, she's just making everybody miserable.

[Geno101]

I'm sorry but she needs to be honest with him and with herself. Otherwise, she's just making everybody miserable.

 

yeah, you're right. she does. I dunno what to think anymore. I dunno what i should do. But, i'm gonna figure something out, because i have ample time to do that.

[Psylocke960]

Well, keep us updated. We've all told what we think and what is best for you. Good luck!

[bhzmafia]

Actions speak alot louder than words - and who is she sleeping with? As hard as it may sound, and I know you wont want to do it, but just stop being there for her. Go out and try to find someone else, someone who doesnt want to be shared.

You dont deserve this crap.