I hate her guts. How can I move on?

[gersanos]

I guess sometimes you just need to hear some else say it to make it real enough to understand.

 

Exactly, sometimes you just need a swift kick in the butt, or a slap in the face to wake up.

 

I don't know what the deal is with her, anyways. If I am such a monster? Why the friend attempts? Why the IM's? Is she trying to provoke me, because that was the impression I got with her last attempt.

 

Bro, you're not a monster. You have feelings, hence all the questions in your mind. The friends thing, forget it. People say friends stuff to not look bad. The attempts? Probably to get a stir out of you. See if she still has you.

 

I'd run to the hills from this girl. Are these qualities you look for in a girl? Or did you overlook them because she was hot?

 

Hang in there man - and stay away from her.

[brando]

I wanted to hate my Ex when we divorced, but i realized it didn't make me feel any better. Having all that hate inside was more painful and hurtful to myself.

 

Angry is fine, i was angry for her giving up on things...but in the long run i can see that she made a choice in her best interest, and ultimately it may have had less to do with me than what i was blaming myself for.

 

I think it is easier to hate, or think we hate than it is to love someone. I mean truly love someone, not the i miss them i need them desperate kind of love...but the love of a person for who they are and accepting them without comment of who they are.

 

It is funny how a breakup / divorce for the dumpee reveals how insecure or empty thaey may have been.

 

I know i was angry with myself for a long time. I blamed myself for a long time, and i was so in shock, like i was a flawless person and she was out of her mind to end our marriage..but it has been three years now, i still care about her and what happens to her, but i learned she is an adult, and fully capable of taking care of herself, no matter what comes her way, and after i realized this, i felt so much better about my divorce, my life, and yes even about her.

 

So feel your feelings, they will not kill you, they have to be resolved and feeling them without reacting towards her on those feelings is the most healing process you can experience.

 

This too shall pass.

 

be well,

brando

[therealshrek]

hey bigbilly, im sorta in the same situation as you man. my ex broke up with me cuz she felt i was a stick in the mud and she wanted to experience college as a single girl, partying and hooking up with other guys. makes me sick to my stomach and angry all at once. I recently found out she has been badmouthing me to all her friends, making out or entire 3-year relationship sound like it was hell. it has broken my heart further, but angered me so much. even after telling me she wants to be single, i also found out she is "dating" a guy, only after one month. i just cant find a way to get beyond the anger and put it behind me as well. just wanted to let you know that I know where you're coming from

[thursday]

Just let go of all these feelings, hate is really useless. Even being angry is useless.

 

Just try to accept the fact that every human being is unique and has their own ideas about life. We tend to forget we are all on our own in the end!

 

This is normal of course when you have been in such a long relationship & think you've created a industructable 'bond' & communication on the deepest level of the mind/soul.

 

Try to concentrate on your own life, it's only You that counts in the end. Don't care what other people think about you, it doesn't matter and people who really know you very well will appreciate you for the person you are.

[Bigbilly]

A lot of what was said here is true. Holding onto hate doesn't do anything good for you. I don't feel like I am holding onto it, though. I just think of her, and think of what she did ...breaking up with me over the phone, sleeping with a player within a week, and spreading lies about me so she wouldn't have to face up to what she did. It just rankles me inside.

 

I'm waiting for that moment to come. That one feeling, that epiphany, that's finally gonna put everything in place and help me move on for good.

 

After it happened, my sister told me it takes at least half the time you were with a person to get over them. That would mean a year for me, then. She also warned me that after that year there's a good chance she's going to make some reappearance, and to ignore it, no matter how hard it is. Maybe if that happens, I can finally move on. Or if it doesn't, and it probably won't anyways, I can move on anyways, because by then I'm going to be living on Campus and having the time of my life.

[doyathink]

It sounds to me as tho she is immature! As far as the hate thing. It is easier to hate than to hurt. So many times when we get hurt we turn it into hate because it's an emotion that is easier to deal with.

 

It's all part of the process that happens when we break up and give your self 'time'........It heals all wounds. Stay strong.

[Marco9i]

BigBilly,

I say you set that little liar into place. Next time she contacts you, give her a piece of your mind. However, don't be frantic or irrational: make sure your arguments make sense, let her know how her lies have hurt you, and tell her that she'll be forever unhappy and miserable by bringing others down to raise herself up.

If anything, you should pitty her, not be angry with her.

Marco