Don't know what to do anymore?

[jennifer1234]

I've been dating a guy for 8 months and we recently broke up. He is in the military and lives approximately 2 hours away from me. We see each other on the weekends but this has been a huge conflict. He had to split his time between me, friends and family and I think the stress finally took it's toll on the relationship. We broke up last weekend and I'm really confused. He still calls and wants to hang out and says that he still really cares about me. The part that I'm having the most difficult with is that he told me the relationship is salvagable, but we need a break to sort through some stuff. We hung out recently and we definitely did a good job of keeping our hands off and hanging out as friends. But this really hurts me. My friends have all told me they think he really loves me and that he is just confused. That doesn't make sense to me? I've never really understood what a break meant? Should I move on even though we have a great connection, we have a lot in common and we have the best times hanging out together? Another issue in our relationship is we would bicker and argue a lot due to the fact that the stresses of being a part were too much to handle. In 4 months I will be moving closer to his family, so when he's home on the weekends it won't be such a burden to spend time with me, I think this may help. But I don't know?

 

I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation. All my friends who see us together say that we are the perfect couple and they can see us getting married. Just by watching our interactions. I'm so confused, and anyone who may have advice or who has been in a similar situation, I'd really appreciate some insight.

[AwdreeHpburn]

First off, welcome! I hope you get some good insight here.

 

In My Opinion, sounds like you were the expendable thing there and to be perfectly honest, in his shoes, I would have made the same decision.

 

I have no idea how old you two are, but if he's in his early 20's, he's young, in the military, has a lot of commitments and responsibilities. The last thing he is going to want in his life is a gf he argues with. And about all things, seeing each other more in his ridiculously busy life.

 

I suggest you give him some space and time but do move closer.

 

Sounds like he does like you, enjoys the time you spend, has a lot in common etc. but just doesn't want the romantic part of his life to be entangled in grief and bickering.

 

Best of luck!

 

-Tee

[bebecole]

my boyfriend is in the military. and weve been together for over 2years..

and let me tell you being a military girlfriend is hard work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im gona be honest but i think you should just remain friends, b/c his life is stressful to begin with.

take sometime apart and if he wants to be with you he will come to you, but i wouldnt wait around for him if i was you. it will just be harder for you when you see him again.

[jennifer1234]

I completely agree with this. He told me all along he wanted a low maintenance relationship. He is under the constant stress of being in the military and I completely understand where he's coming from. Yes, he is in his 2-'s (25) and I'm in my 20's (26). I guess I’m trying to figure out how to become close while keeping my space. He tells me he wants to hang out with me and he doesn’t know what the future holds but he calls me almost daily just to see how I’m doing. This perplexes me because if I were in his situation and wanted to break up completely, I wouldn’t call the person, I’d move on no matter how hard. I did have some stress management issues (due to my job) that I’m currently working thru in therapy, but I don’t know if we’ll ever get to exercise those. I’m told I need to give him space to think about what he wants. This is hard. I’ve also been told to create space but still keep him close. All I can think is, how do you do that?

[bebecole]

just keep your mind busy!! i know its hard not to think about it..

go to borders get out some good books for self help..

im not sure if you still talk to him but using the NC method (no contact) is a good way to get over him..

i know that you want to remain close to him but once your able to separate your emotional feelings from him then you can start a friendship..

you have to relize that hes going to be out and about with his busy life..

i think you guys shud keep a mutual friendship b/c who knows what will happen! but if you want to stay friends id keep my emotions out of it b/c i might make it worse.

[jennifer1234]

You're absolutely correct. I've been trying to keep myself as occupied as possible, but the most difficult part is when he calls and wants to hang out. Of course I want to see him. Of course I want to talk to him. But I know that I shouldn't, for my own sanity sake. Most break-ups I've ever experienced have been final and clear cut... this doesn't seem so. He tells me that he misses me and it hurts him that we can't hang out right now, but he has some things to sort thru. The only thing I could think is "Why are you so upset?" (more often he gets more upset then me). I'm trying to make my break but when he tells me it's salvageable, there might be a future and that he misses me, what am I suppose to do?

I agree: keeping you're emotions out of it as much as possible definitely helps the situation... it seem to only create more stress. I will be going to borders today to check out some self-help books, I think I need them.

I completely understand where you're coming from girl! Military relationships are HARD!

[nicorette]

I've been trying to keep myself as occupied as possible, but the most difficult part is when he calls and wants to hang out. Of course I want to see him. Of course I want to talk to him. But I know that I shouldn't, for my own sanity sake.[/QUOTE]

 

I think you should go NC. DONT answer it when he calls.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Military relationships are HARD!

 

 

not trying to be all pessimistic and a downer but, some of the higest divorce rates are in military marriages. They skew the "cheating" stats too....

[Belle]

I agree with Nicorette. He doesn't know what he wants and he's stringing you along. This isn't healthy for you when you have hopes of a reconciliation. You need to move on and until and unless he changes his mind, don't make plans to be with him.