Is it dishonest to keep quiet ?

[syborg]

Hello

 

As you may know from my prervious posts, I'm currently chatting to a lovely Filipina and i plan to meet her this summer.

 

Just this week, I logged onto my e-mail, and YM messenger to wait for her to come online and while I was waiting, I got an IM from my EX who is also a Filipina. (she is NOT on my buddy list)

 

I accepted the message, and asked her what she wanted and to cut a long story short, she is broke, having financial problems, and had come running to me for money to get her out of a mess she is in. (our breakup was VERY long, hurtful and bitter and we hadn't spoken since November when I ended things once and for all)

 

Of course, she was all "ooh hello, i forgive you for what you did" at first, but I DON'T TRUST HER AT ALL and think she is just trying to con me.

 

I have no intention of sending her money, but the question is, DO I TELL MY NEW FILIPINA FRIEND (G/F to be) THAT SHE CONTACTED ME ?

 

If i tell her, it may "open a can of worms" which i don't want.

If I don't tell her, does that mean I am being dishonest and keeping things from her ?

 

we have a VERY open and honest relationship.

[snoops]

I don't know you or ur girlfriend, so i can only react from my point of view, if i was in your or her situation...

 

If i was that filipina girl i would defo want to know about it. otherwise it's like you keep it from her - and makes you look like you've got something to hide, which you obviously havent.

Me and my partner tell eachother everything: if ppl flirt with us, if my or her ex contacts her,... and on the moment itself it can be a bit painful to hear but afterwards im more like... ok at least i know and she's honest with me and i can trust her. If i would find out afterwards it would upset me more cuz then i would have the feeling that she cant be honest with me / have the feeling that there's a reason not to tell me.

 

When me and my gf got together, my ex contacted me as well cuz she wasn't feeling happy, but i always told my gf and altho my gf wasnt too keen on her contacting me - i cudnt help it that she called or texted me cud i. But i found the least i cud do was tell her about it, tell her what was going on and how i felt about it.

 

If you dont tell her and keep it from her, she will notice that there is something wrong imho and things will come out in the end anyway i think...

 

so to make a long story short: i'd tell her, (maybe tell her why she contacted you) and how you feel about it.

[ShaKe__]

Why would you do that? I mean you're not in a relationship with your ex,why would it matter? She's not your girlfriend yet.Take it slowly.

[syborg]

My new ladyfriend asked me lots of questions about my ex a few months back and was even tempeted to e-mail her a few months back cos she was soo curious. That MAY still happen. If she ever contacts my ex and hears from her what she should have heard from me, it may upset her.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Better to be honest about it, but make it clear that you aren't in a relationship with your ex and haven't been for a while.

 

I think it's important that you make it clear to your ex that you are not interested in her and ask her to back off...

 

I would probably change my YM login name too so that your ex doesn't have it..

[Mr Mister1]

Umm why does your new gf want to contact your ex, isn't that a little weird? I would never have any intentions on contacting exs of anyone I was with.

 

Maybe you could tell your new gf about it in a way that shows that the ex is just bothering you and make it clear things are over with you and her.

 

Very odd thing to do though, beg for money from your ex, she must either be really desperate or be out for some weird kind of revenge.

[syborg]

Yeah, it IS weird. The story she told me is as follows:

 

She is singer and tours bars and clubs with a band. She told me that the band needed new instruments so SHE signed a loan agreement for the band to get new instruments. Thirty thousand peso which works out at around £280 UK money or around $400 - $450 US dollars give or take.

 

She then told me that the band member ran off with the money leaving her with the debt, and she now has to pay it off. She told me the debt collectors needed 10 thousand peso by LAST WEEK or she will go to prison.

 

(1) she could NOT have signed any loan agreement cos she has no regualar income

(2) she said her family have disowned her and won't help her. her sister husband is RICH yet nobody will help her ????

(3) NOBODY goes to prison for debt problems. that's B.S.

 

This girl has a repuation for lying and deciet (thats the main reason we broke up) and has NO sense of responibility at all.

 

I don't trust her ONE LITTLE BIT

[Mr Mister1]

Well then, tell your new gf what you've told us, say it's something that's been bothering you and you need to "talk" about it.

 

As for the old one, well you pretty much know what to do there.

[RandomAdvisor]

I for one vote that you do not tell this new girl.

 

I see this situation as being similar to having someone hit on you when you are in a relationship. You are walking down the street or whatever and a member of the opposite sex flirts with you. You are flattered, but basically ignore them and keep walking.

 

Do you tell your partner?

 

Well, why would you tell your partner? To make them jealous? To make them insecure? That is exactly what would happen if you told them every single time someone else flirted with you, especially if it happened often. The important thing is that you are not receptive to the other person's advances, so you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to confess.

 

The way I see it is this: you have done nothing wrong. You didn't contact your ex, and you didn't even want her to contact you. She is asking you for help and you have wisely decided not to give it to her. The only thing telling this new girl about your ex will accomplish is to make her insecure, and possibly want to e-mail your ex (this is a TERRIBLE idea by the way, she should never e-mail her).

 

If the new girl ever explicitly asks you if your ex has ever contacted you, then go ahead and tell her the truth. But unless that happens you should keep this to yourself, otherwise your ex very well may have caused problems for you and this new relationship at a very delicate time - you still haven't even met this new girl in person yet.

[syborg]

I told her

 

She is gald i was honest and she told me i did the right thing

[Serendipity1607307077]

Good on you!