Share you stories of NC

[angry]

I am curious about the No Contact rule for getting your ex to come back to you. NC is basically no contact on your part. You wait until they call you and then you act like evrything is fine with you. NC is supposed to cause them to miss you because your not around. If you call them all of the time you just become a little worm. Share your stories of NC. How long did it take for them to contact you once you started using NC? What happened in the end?

[Lady Bugg]

According to this forum NC is for YOURSELF....to get over a relationship..NOT to get your ex back.

 

I am on the fence about NC..IF you want them back. I personally believe IF you wish to get back with an ex at any point..there needs to be SOME form of NC initially..and then LC (limited contact). If you starve anything it will die..that includes friendship/relationships..so communication in small doses will keep it alive...so as long as it is POSITIVE communication.

 

I have rarely read posts on here about successful reconciliations after NC. Usually the person simply heals and moves on. My advice if you are doing NC..is to do it for yourself, and to learn from the experience and heal.

[brando]

I agree with LBugg, NC is for the self. IT allows one to be alone for a period of time and heal. It gives one the opportunity to realize they are responsible for their feelings and their thoughts, and it is ultimately up to ones self to make them happy.

 

Communication is vital for any relationship to grow. And if it is a x lover one wants, then like LBugg says small doses and limited contact is vital.

 

I am not a firm believer in this NC that is preached here on E. Except only for the person who realizes that it is necessary for healing, and not a tool to lure someone back to them. And the realiziation is important to fully understand.

[in_the_mirror]

o god, nc for me was a nightmare cuz i really wanted my ex to just leave me alone, and it drove him nuts cuz he wanted to be with me.....it took me getting back with him (which i wanted to sometimes but the last time i was sick of it) anyways i had to get back together with him and force him to break up with me by showing and telling him how much better he desearved....he stilled tried to get with me a few months later, but i have this mentality of if someone breaks up with me i'm done with them...(even though i forced this one it was like a full proof plan to get my life on track again). and from then on i just stop answering the phone i stopped talking to him at school everything, and eventually he got it.

 

but when we first started the go around my b/f would contact me after like two days of no contact....a week at the most..

[Mr Mister1]

There was an occasion where I did NC to an ex and then after a while she got mad at me for never talking to her.. sometimes you just can't win!

[Scout]

Ah, good old NC. It's completely saved my dignity in the past, so I definitely recommend it for many situations.

 

First and foremost, it is a tool to help you heal, and here's why: when you go into NC, you refuse to give into acting on impulsive emotions. You know, the kind that make you call or email someone repeatedly, spilling your guts out to them. Which essentially can drive them away even further, especially if they wanted a breakup because they felt crowded, or wanted to see what else is out there.

 

Going into NC, you really keep your self-respect intact, and in some cases, it may give your ex real pause for thought: "Hey, I thought he/she couldn't live without me...why haven't I heard from her/him, then?" Often, this provokes them to get into contact with you. That's not the magic turning point, though, because too many people think that means they automatically want to get back together, then get crushed when they learn it was more curiosity on the ex's part. The key is to keep that curiosity piqued, if you think there is a real chance they would be open to another try down the road.

 

Now, if a breakup occurred largely because of something hurtful you did, I think 100% NC is not a good idea. If you are sincerely sorry about it, and want to get back together, you should let the ex know: ONCE. Lay everything out on the table, but calmly and sincerely, not desperately. They already are thinking you are emotionally immature for doing whatever it is you did, so if you act desperate, plaintive, and highly emotional, you are just validating their opinion. So, just sincerely try to leave the door open for reconciliation with a sincere apology, assurance of your love, and leave it at that. If they contact you afterwards, you kind of have to play it by ear. If they're very hurt, they might not want to get back with you right away. You have to be a sympathetic friend to them, but also going about your own thing, so at this point, LC might be a good tactic.

[Spawn]

if the separation was bitter.......don't even bother to think NC will make her miss you.

 

as everyone said here NC is to get a grip on your life.

 

in my case 1 month NC did help me with the healing but i got a call from my ex and it was not a pleasant one, she put all the blame on me for the breakup. It was a huge setback for me.

 

You never know what you gonna get from the ex side after long periods of NC.

 

For me NC ~ never contact.

[Lady Bugg]

As always Scout...well said

[Scout]

As always Scout...well said

 

Don't encourage me! I need to get off eNotalone and enjoy this beautiful Saturday.

 

Seriously, thanks LB. That was awful kind of you.

[Lady Bugg]

LOL Scout....anytime.

I am on my way into work....on this beautiful Saturday....Waaaaaahhhhh!!!!!

[Scout]

Ick, that sucks. My boyfriend had to get up at 5:30 this morning to be at work at 6:30. They needed him to come in to wire up a room so they could have a meeting. He needed to set up all the conference lines, video, etc. I'm like, what kind of company schedules meetings on Saturday??

[brando]

can we stick to the topic ladies....

[jchan]

now NC is more likely going to yield negative results if the break up ended on bitter terms. So would that mean the relationship ended because of the dumpee's fault? What if the dumper was the one to blame? would NC be in favour for the dumpee?

 

From what I find, in a case where the dumper has found someone else, NC only stirs up curiosity and the likelihood of reconciliation is slim to none.

[alyira]

I agree with what Scout said. NC is an AMAZING tool for healing yourself.. however...

 

I NC'ed an ex, the 'love of my life' who I'd been with for 3 years at the time in order to finally clear my head and heart of him, because he was a chronic cheater, liar, and manipulator. He even wrote me this dramatic "It was never meant to be, farewell forevvvvvvver *cue cheesy music, seriously* email once I stopped talking to him. 7 months later, he was begging me via email to talk to him, to let him hear my voice over the phone. I did talk to him briefly, maybe 2 days, but I liked the strength that came with having nothing to do with him and having regained pride and love for myself. And within those two days, I could tell he hadn't changed any, so back to NC for him. He emailed me 4 months again later, about a year after we had broken up, saying that he didn't expect us to get back together, but if it was his way, he'd have us together again, and that his mom and dad, whom had never liked me that much, were telling him he had already lost the best girl for him.

 

He kept emailing me, even tried to talk to me the first time I ran into him after over a year and half of not seeing him, and I just breezed on by and barely acknowledged him, while he tried to call me over to talk to him and his pregnant (on again off again) girlfriend. Yeaaaaa, I passed.

 

Does he still email me? I dont even know. I blocked his email quite awhile ago, as they stopped ceasing to amuse me with their sad "take me back" messages. I know him way too well to fall for that.

 

That to me, my friends, is the power of NC. Not the fact that it made him come back to me, as its often touted to do. But the fact that I, who was so thoroughly dependent, loyal and in love with this guy that I let him make me believe his cheating on me was my fault and wouldn't happen if I was better to him, could easily delete his emails with a laugh and a little tinge of admittedly cocky pride. I've since found that I quite enjoy this odd growing thing called self-love and confidence.

[Sobo]

mine is going ok, it has been a week and a bit of NC the break up was a few days before that. At times it has been a struggle, all the NC started after my post "BIG NIGHT" and since then it has been good for me, I go out very often, I do tend to drink and do stupid things, one time I did get a little sad at the end of the night, then last night I had to visit my mom after knee surgery, I only remember when we were leaving that this was the place where my ex came with me when I slammed my finger in a car door, and stayed until 3-4am waiting for me, thats the instant I knew I had something special, that put alittle damper on my mood,

 

But i do realize I am working on myself, talking to friends I didn't have too much time for before, talking to my family, enjoying life, I mean these are the best years of my life, I am going to enjoy them!

[rose2summer]

My ex was treating me badly, in a verbal sense, so I followed NC for 1 week. He somehow found my father's work number, calling to ask my dad, if I was alright and that he missed me. He completely changed, trying to treat me well, and not being verbally abusive. I didn't want him back, I have dignity, and he crossed the wrong line. I think NC is for you mainly, to heal, but also to show the other person what they lost.