I almost cant stand it...anyone else feel the same way?

[lvlyldy]

I just talked to a friend of mine... about my ex. She and I were once better friends, but it was my ex that split us apart. Its a long story... but basically we both liked him and through misunderstandings he and I ended up getting together and basically hurting her a lot. It took a long time, but I tried to be friends with her and now we are on okay terms. After the break up with my ex, she allowed me to come to her and cry wtih open arms... even after everything we had gone thro. My ex never made an attempt to stay friends wtih her... and after talking to her tonite and rehashing old memories of what happened... I realize my ex may not have been entirely honest about what he understood to be their relationship.

 

It hurts to bring up all those memories, mostly because I feel guilty for hurting a friend that way (I dindt mean to, again misunderstandings), but we both had a good cry and finally cleared somethings up. I still really miss my ex, after a year and a half I love him with all my heart. My friend now has a boyfriend she loves the same way, and I hope she finds happiness with him. She really deserves to be happy, she is a wonderful person... I apologized to her for what I put her through, and I hope she forgives me.

 

Knowing how he treated her, I wonder if my ex will treat me the same way. Never speak to me again, and just run away and disappear. Maybe I deserve it for pursing the relationship with him in the first place... I loved him with all my heart, but maybe I should have known from his behaviour. Im so confused about how I feel- more numb to everything than anything... trying to block everything out, but I still have that achy feeling in my chest... that huge lump in my throat... swelling up for a good cry. I loved that man, I loved him so sincereley and deeply. Im so sorry that he's gone through so much this past semester, and Im happy he's finally taking steps to make himself happy again. I am however so sad that it meant leaving me. How selfish am I for wishing him back, but I cant stop myself. I love him, and I want him back. 12 days of NC...a lifetime more to go. I dont think I will make it. I want him back.

[mikeca]

I had a similar story...my friend was many of us who liked this girl. but she liked him the best so they ended up dating..so 2 years passes and they breakup, she's talking to me alot about it and after a month I realize my feelings for her...I never acted on them until she said she figured it out that I cared for her. We never went forward with anything but looking back I feel like such an * * * * * * * to my friend for doing that. We ended up becoming best friends and I even then dated his sister. What a weird world.. :S

[lvlyldy]

lol you're situation seems to be eerily similiar to mine... its kinda scary We're almost the same age too!

[joyce1412]

you WILL make it. and no, you do not deserve this hurt. no one does. we just all have to go through it at some point. i know you don't think you'll be able to move on, i was thinking the same thing just a few weeks ago. just try to take steps to work on yourself and you'll start to move away from that feeling. you'll end up with someone who makes you happy--don't worry about it, it's going to happen.

[Leigh]

I know what you mean lvlyldy - the pain is pretty unbearable for me as well...I know NC is the way to go, but there is that nagging sensation that every day we are out of touch, is a day that solidifies the end of the relationship forever.

 

I fought back tears for most of today and cannot imagine the day when I don't wake up hurting inside. I'm almost thinking that even if I do manage to heal from this one, it'll be a long time before I open myself up to this kind of pain again.

 

Hang in there.

[finsjm]

Yes - hang in there!! I went through that this morning!! I was SO MAD yesterday and felt great then cried this morning and wanted to disappear!! It's so hard!! Just keep writing - you have friends here

[NiceGuysFinishLast]

Im happy he's finally taking steps to make himself happy again. I am however so sad that it meant leaving me. How selfish am I for wishing him back, but I cant stop myself. I love him, and I want him back. 12 days of NC...a lifetime more to go. I dont think I will make it. I want him back.

 

Well you do seem to be a truly lovely lady lvlyldy, you want him to be happy, even though it means not being with you. That is true love for you. And you WILL make it, this is the hardest part, and it will probably get worse before it gets better (sorry for being honest) but know that it WILL get better and one day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong, dont be afraid to cry your little heart out, it hurts I know, but you seem to be a nice person so you will have no trouble finding love again in the future. Best of luck and take care