Long Term Lovers to Married?

[Sluggo]

Hi,

Briefly..I hope...

 

i want to marry my girl but 2 previous divorces have her dead set against it although are circumstances are totally different. We're both 45 and been living together for 6+ years..mostly very happy!

 

I, and I think she (I've yet to even mention marriage to her due to her negativity towards it) thinks shacking up is easier. I've come around to thinking it's way more complicated. As of recently very minor difficulties have us considering a break up instead of working through or differences. We're talking incredibly trivial stuff. Since we don't have a stated commitment we are in each others heads wondering what's going on instead of trying to save something, and we have something! No doubts!

I'm first to vocalize the doubts and I reaffirmed my passion and love for her. She's tbeen burdeoned with other concerns and lost me a few months ago to the rest of her problems..so she thinks.

 

Both our distress is coming from doubts, yet we both affirm our burning love for each other. I never want to go through this again. Sure anything can happen but it seems to me we could really clear the decks of a lot of wondering if we made a life commitment.

 

I'm trying to find a way to put the idea in her head with out freaking he rout. i will wait itll we get past the current state of affairs so I'm not wanting to go over board as it were.

 

Anyone go from living together long term like us to married and like to share a success story.

 

 

Thanks,

 

Sluggo

[DN]

Why do you think marriage would help the two of you work through difficulties that you are not working through now?

 

She already has two divorces so I assume she was unable to work through the difficulties that led to the break-up of the marriages.

[Skippy]

ouch that hurt

[Sluggo]

Why do you think marriage would help the two of you work through difficulties that you are not working through now?

 

She already has two divorces so I assume she was unable to work through the difficulties that led to the break-up of the marriages.

 

Now see that's the very simplistic way out. Following that logic any divorcee should be avoided.

 

Her previous marriages had heavy baggage, ours has been based on fun and love from the beginning.

 

The happiest married couples I've known have at least the solice in knowing the little things don't matter. The wondering if there is something around the corner when it gets mildly rough. First option is to fix it.

 

While we don't go running out the door for any small thing I have noticed each of us more or less complaining of what we have to bear alone.

 

My life is simpler than hers. This is the only way i can see to assume more of the burdeon so she's not feeling guilty that i pay more of the bills on occation and insists on paying me back despite...

 

it would be a way to give without expecting anything as we already gave ourselves to each other.

 

Sluggo

[assumeLove]

That same situation (love each other, but can't live with the uncertainties) happens to married people, too. Why not take a marriage education class or attend weekend couples retreat together? Knowing that you two have the skills to get through this point in the future would probably make commitment a lot easier for her.

[monkey1]

Can you live with just living together or do you really want to get married? What happens if she doesn't change her mind?