Me and my big mouth, shouldn't have told her!!!!!!

[disco_dance98]

Ok let me start of that it's a 2 year relation and just a month ago I made a mistake of telling her about my past just cuz I used to played on my 3 ex's. But I couldn't lie, she ask me if I ever lie and cheat on someone, so I told her so, yes on my all my ex's before, literally before I would make out with 4 girls at once and thought it was fun. But to make matter worst, I'm her second b/f , her first cheated on her. For some reason she's special, never felt that wasy towards a girl before and never really open up till now. I dunno, but it's like if I were to even lie to her, I would feel guilty and tell her the truth the next day.

So now due to my past cheatings, says she is unsure and did catch her cheacking on my cell phone, kinda snooping around, say nothing. It's all my blame, think I should have say "No" and kept my mouth shut. Seriously never in my life did I actually deeply connected to a girl. No never was cheated, but her, she makes me not have to cheat nor lie to her. She must be thinking I'm gonna do the same to her, I won't, how can I reassure her that esp. when she was cheated by an ex and I was a player??

[AzureSkyes69]

Well first off I applaud you for being honest to her about your past I understand how some people want to withold the truth about their past especially if you know it is something that can hurt your current partner and have the potential of majorly disturbing your relationship.I have seen how honesty can sometimes have just as many bad reprocussions as good.But being honest is a realtionship is very important.I can see why she would want to snoop and see if you are lying about just being with her and nobody else because of your past history.You need to reassure her how special she is and how much you care and that you would not do that to her be honest about never having such a connection with anyone else but her.

What she needs to realize is that eveyone changes a lot of people are players when they are young and when they get older or find someone they really love and care about a change within them happens,and they find out they are ready to be serious with someone because that connection and love is there.

Good Luck

[PRSOV]

Hey dude,

 

it's no sweat! and you totally did the right thing in the moment. You are getting things off to the right start. You are being open and honest just as when you ask her things you would want the same in return...

 

I also believe the fact that you WERE honest with her in the first place should make her aware that you realise what you did, but now you have found someone that you do have a connection with and really want to make a go of.

 

You just need to assure her of this, and do everything you can to make her feel special, affection etc etc.

 

good luck

[eleanorrigby1]

I told my boyfriend that in the past when I was younger I was guilty of cheating, that I never knew what I wanted and I was a coward that I would find a new boyfriend before I ended it with the last one. He seemed a bit taken aback and I worried that I might lose him because of it, but he has realised that it was the old me and now he jokes about it and says "You would have been my worst nightmare a few years ago then!! I would have fancied you, but i would have HATED you! ha ha"

 

You were honest with her and that is really good, however sometimes the truth hurts and it does plant a seed. You need to reassure her, dont get mad, dont be offended if she acts like she doesnt trust you, its her issue not yours.

[Scout]

Personally, I feel because you were truthful with her, that's an indication you're serious about making things different with this girl. And I believe that she realizes this on a subconscious level, but let's face it, people who have been burned are going to be more suspicious.

 

I would just let her know that you told her this even though you desperately didn't want to because you were afraid it would make her insecure, but you simply can't operate on a dishonest level with her because she means so much to you. And tell her that you fully realize that such an admission will spark some questions on her hand, and you will patiently answer them.

 

I would also tell her that part of love is trust, and ask her to be really fair and view you best as she can based on the relationship she has with you, rather than your past. Because you've seriously outgrown that kind of behavior, regret it, and would never do that to someone again.

[sir sirloin]

Your gut instinct was correct. You shouldn't have told her. In fact when she asked I bet you had some kind of spider sense tingling telling you what the rigth answer was and you ignored it. A slicker answer would be to look into her eyes and say "I would never do anything to hurt you."

 

Or even better turn it around and ask "If you don't trust me why are you with me?" Then she talks about her old boyfriend then you come back with "I'm not him, and theres a reason you aren't with him but you are with me. So stop comparing me to him, start thinking about me and you, and forget everyone else."

 

Now she will trust you less, be suspicious of you, and use this as ammunition if she ever feels like breaking up.

 

A lie you can tell your whole life might as well be the truth.

[renaissancewoman101]

Sir Sirloin, sometimes honesty is the best policy because if you keep secrets inside and lie about things, it will eat away at you after time and it will bother you and it will poison your relationship. Believe me, I know that for a fact.