Really not sure how to handle this guy......

[alteer]

Ok any advice would be appreciated on this. I have never come accross this problem before.........so am at a complete loss.

 

I work at a senior management level for an IT Company, directly under the directors. Originally there were 2 directors who I get along with great, they have always welcomed my input into the runnings of the business and have encouraged it. I have always been left to my own devices and they have always trusted me to make decisions re: the business and staff.

 

But recently a 3rd director was introduced to the company, a relative of one of the original directors. Now this new director is who I am having problems with. He treats me like a child.

 

Here are some examples:

 

If I make any decisions now - he comes to me and says "why didn't you ask me? Before making ANY decisions you will come to me first, do you understand?" I was like whaooo man, what is your problem? It wasn't even a big decision.

 

I start work early, 7.30am and finish at 4pm so I can be home by 5 for my kids. This was worked out at the time I was hired. Anyway this new guy parked directly behind my car so I couldn't get out and when I went back into the office to ask him to move it he say "oh I did that to hopefully stop you leaving early"

 

To which I said...."my hours were worked out over 12 months ago. I do my 8 or 9 hours and I go home" needless to say I don't even get a lunch break because I work through it.

 

This guy makes me tense and I used to love my job....but since he's been here it is no longer enjoyable. I don't want to leave because I actually have it pretty good. Great pay and flexible hours (well normally) I can work from home if my kids are sick etc.

 

He also makes weird comments - one day the server went down and he said, infront of all the staff "oh it was probably Amy downloading porn again". I was so shocked he said that.........to my staff!! I just didn't know how to respond.

 

I just don't know how to handle this!!!! arrgh

[Scout]

In my opinion, you have enough ammo to take your complaints to the HR department and have them handle it, if this guy is actually your boss. He is playing with fire by making suggestive comments like that to you, for one thing, and also by literally trapping you at work by blocking your car in. In fact, I could see a reporter having a FIELD DAY with that one.

 

In my experience, talking to someone like this rarely does any good. They are quite aware of what a jerk they are, and take pride in it. So don't even bother trying to get on his good side, he'll just continue to abuse you at his whim. You need to get it on the record what this guy is doing. Go to HR.

[alteer]

Scout, in my position I handle all staffing problems......so in effect I am HR!!!

 

This guy is my boss........I don't have anyone else above me, apart from the other 2 directors. And I'm unsure about bringing it up with them as he is the relative of one.

[Scout]

Are the other two directors the very top level at the company? If not, who is over them? Also, is this a publicly traded company?

[Slacker]

I'd report him, the porn comment constitutes a form of sexual harassment.

Everything else is unacceptable in a professional environment.

[Scout]

Yes, this guy has crossed the line with the inappropriate porn comments and blocking your car in. Seriously. I'd even think about talking with an attorney before you plan your next action. This guy may be trying to make you quit for some reason, but if that's the case, don't let him - or rather, the company - get away with those tactics.

[alteer]

Are the other two directors the very top level at the company? If not, who is over them? Also, is this a publicly traded company?

 

The other 2 directors are at the very top.....there is no one above them. And no it's not a publicly traded company.

 

When I started it was quite small.....only the 2 directors, myself and 2 IT contractors. I've helped them grow it to the point where it is now quite large, with 20 employees under me.

[Scout]

Do you have a good relationship with your staff, to the point they would confirm he made that porn comment? If so, you're in a good spot. I would have a talk with the two directors about what's going on, and then wait to see how everything unfolds. From what you say about this guy, it's a good idea to get it ON RECORD what he's saying and doing. I still can't believe he had the gall to block your car in. On a personal note, so glad I don't work for anyone else anymore. The corporate workplace is becoming an increasingly tense place to be, it sounds like.

[alteer]

Yes, this guy has crossed the line with the inappropriate porn comments and blocking your car in. Seriously. I'd even think about talking with an attorney before you plan your next action. This guy may be trying to make you quit for some reason, but if that's the case, don't let him - or rather, the company - get away with those tactics.

 

 

Well I'm pretty sure the other directors don't know anything about what he's trying to do. But you're right I think he is trying to make me uncomfortable enough to quit.

 

I think part of the problem is that when a new project is underway the other 2 directors get me into the boardroom for my input on how it should be handled and the work distributed. My opinions are always taken on before the new directors opinions are.

[CarnelianButterfly]

This guy needs a attitude adjustment! If he parked behind me, I would have had him towed, what a jerk. And that porn comment is totally inappropriate! You should talk to the other directors and tell them how out of line he's been.

[Scout]

Right, he's probably trying to edge you out. Ogres are typically the most desperately insecure little people inside. Whatever, just don't let him get away with this, or let the company let him get away with this if they don't put an immediate stop to it. Which if they're smart, they will, or they could have a nice little lawsuit on their hands, not to mention the bad publicity of being the company who imprisons their employees by blocking their cars in!

[alteer]

It normally takes a lot to intimidate me. I've worked my way up from the very bottom in my industry with no formal training....I've been lucky that there have been a lot of people along the way to teach me.

 

But the industry I'm in is full of men......all with mighty big ego's.......but this guys would have to be the biggest.

 

Maybe he has a chip on his shoulder about women in upper management?!

[Scout]

Maybe, but he also would probably treat anyone he views as a threat in the same way if he thought he could get away with it. And maybe, he does think he can get away with it because you're a woman.

[Tigris]

I agree that you've got to talk to the other directors about your problem. He has no right to do those things to you whether they were a joke or not.

 

Good luck

[mgirl]

Or you could put this jerk back in his place by a few choice comments of your own.

 

For example, the porn comment: "Oh, obviously you know where to go. Perhaps next time you can show me the sites"...

 

With regards to the "leaving early" comments, just confront him with it straight out. Say, "obviously you have a problem with my work hours... would you like to talk about this in front of the other directors?".

 

He sounds like a bully that is jealous of your job and it does sound like he is trying to edge you out. He musn't be very good if he has to get relatives of his to get him a job!

 

In my experience when people treat you like this, they are jealous and ARE trying to get you out because you intimidate them. I once bought in to this sort of behaviour and ended up leaving. Granted, i have been happy ever since, and it was my decision to do so in the end, but in the meantime, i should not have let those few people affect my self-esteem and cause me to question myself.

 

It looks like this guy is there to stay and i would suggest that the best way to deal with him is to document his behaviour and everything he says to you and approach an attorney and seek legal action. Blocking your car in with his is an aggressive and abusive thing to do and he should be held accountable for it. Maybe try to flush him out in front of the other directors first. Being discovered is a bully's worst nightmare.

 

If this doesn't work, then try legal advice. At least if you end up leaving, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you did everything in your power to not let this guy get away with his bad behaviour.

 

It sounds like you are suitably qualified to apply for another job anyway. Building a company up from a small group of people to having 20 employees is no trivial feat!

 

Just go for it! Try to flush him out with a few clever retorts of your own. If this doesn't work, get him by the jugular and let the directors in on what he has been doing. And if all else fails, get legal advice and ACT ON IT. People like this should not get away with it.

 

I am sure if you go on the offensive rather than the defensive posture you are now taking, it would freak him out a little. Show him you are not to be messed with.

[alteer]

You have some good suggestions there.

 

I really don't want to leave this job...especially under these circumstances....I am qualified to find another position, but most are long hours and totally inflexible. Being a single mother I really need the flexibility this job offers me.

 

I usually don't have trouble with people. But this guy has just really thrown me.

[melrich]

Or you could put this jerk back in his place by a few choice comments of your own.

 

No no no no no...

 

You are a professional person with a professional issue.

 

Clearly document the interactions and your issues around them. Ask to meet with either or both of the other directors. Present them with the facts. Tell them you are not interested in retribution, just in working things out in a professional manner.

 

Do not worry about the relationship thing. Address the issues not the person.

[alteer]

Do not worry about the relationship thing. Address the issues not the person.

 

Ok now see this is the part that does worry me. Normally I would have no hesitation in going to the other directors. I don't want to lose this job. But I am worried about him being a relative to one of them.

 

Maybe I should go to the other one first. The one that's not related??!

 

I really just want to make sure I think this through properly before I go to anyone with my concerns.

[melrich]

I don't want to lose this job. But I am worried about him being a relative to one of them.

 

Alteer, if the 2 original directors have invited a third one in they will both be "close" to him and have a lot vested in ensuring he succeeds. Maybe you will get a better hearing from the non-relative but you have to treat that particular bit of knowledge as though it does not matter. Why? Because you have to rely on them to take a professional approach, not a political one.

 

If they don't you are out of there anyway and it's probably not a place you want to work at anymore.

[alteer]

melrich you have a some very good points.

 

I think for now though I'll just see how it goes, he's only been here a few weeks and may be on a slight power trip. Who knows........

[Scout]

I wouldn't wait for it to get worse. This has to be nipped in the bud now, he will only get more abusive.

 

Definitely don't play at his level by trying to come back with clever retorts. That's diminishing the offensiveness of what he's been doing, and playing exactly into his hands because then he can turn back around and say you played along with it. I agree with Melrich, this is a professional problem that could result in big problems for the company if they don't reign this guy in, pronto. Go in with that polite, but firm, mindset, and you have a better chance of a real resolution.

[mgirl]

In an ideal world, the rest of the company or management would reprimand this guy... wow, yes! But that doesn't always happen.

 

Yes, she should follow the 'procedures' of best practice, and i don't want to give reckless advice, but all too often, in my experience anyway, reporting to a higher 'authority' is just lip service and nothing gets resolved. I may be wrong, it may become resolved in this case. I am just throwing around ideas.

 

My other thought is just to ignore this guy completely. Completely! Like, be nice to him and such, but do not respond one bit to his antagonism. When he does things like he did with the car, just smile when he tells you and when it's time for you to go home, just ask him nicely to move it.

 

Bullies operate on a level by which they try to drag you down by targetting your weaknesses. There is a really great resource for bullies at link removed. It will help you to understand what motivates them and may offer advice on how to counter their attacks.

 

If i was bullied now, i would just smile to myself, knowing that they must be feeling inferior.

[teacup]

the guy sounds like such a jerk!

[Tigris]

Smiling does not get him to move his car though when you need to go home. In this case he'd still have the upper hand.

[mgirl]

Mleh, i don't know. Ignoring people does a lot, but you have to outlast them, which is difficult when they are antagonising you.