Really confused

[surreal123]

I broke up with my girlfriend a while back. A week later I realized that I made a mistake and that I thought that we could work things out. I basically broke up with her because at times I was bending over backwords just to keep her happy. Afterwards I realized that I was also acting like a jerk a lot of the time and that I could have done a lot to avoid the kind of mess we were in.

 

She did not want to know anything about getting back together. I tried for another couple of weeks to get her back (saw her about once/twice a week) but lately I don't want to see her anymore because we seem to just be friends with benefits and this kind of really sucks. I like having sex with her but it seems to be causing me pain as we are not together anymore.

 

I still want to get back together with her but she does not want to know anything about it. Do I just move on or does she still want to get back together. The last two weeks or so I have made no effort to contact her and she has been phoning and texting me and organizing get-togethers. I get the idea that she wants to get back together but then I get the idea she just wants to be friends. Other times I think she is just seeing me to hurt me to get back at me for breaking up with her. I'm very confused and feel that this is draining me emotionally. Do I just start avoiding her or is there hope? I know she still have feelings for me.

[Scout]

I think you should have an honest conversation with her about this, and basically tell her what you just told us, including the reasons why you broke up with her. You could tell her you are open to giving it another try, if she is, as long as you two both make a concerted effort to work on the issues that made you break up in the first place.

 

Yes, there is a risk she may say she doesn't want to get back together with you. And while that will undeniably be painful to hear, it will at least release you from what you're still doing: bending over backwards to make her happy by staying in an undefined "relationship" with her.

 

Think about it: you broke up with her because she was not validating your needs and feelings as much as she was her own. Does it really make sense to keep allowing this after the break-up?

[dopexile]

Why are you breaking up with her if you aren't sure that you want to break up with her? To me that says that you need to move on logically but emotionally you are still attached.. and maybe you are thinking with your "other" brain.

 

The solution to this one is easy... just be a man and make her decide. Tell her you don't want to go on having feelings that aren't mutual with someone else and give her the choice of being in a relationship or not talking anymore. She won't like it on bit.. but that doesn't matter.. you cut past all the bull * * * * and it's respectable because she knows you aren't going to put up with anymore crap.

 

Also you said you are bending over backwards to make her happy.. it's not your job to be a servant in a relationship. She would probably have more respect for you anyway if you didn't do her bidding. She should be happy on her own and be happy to be in a relationship with you.. being her floormat isn't going to win you any points.

[Scout]

Also you said you are bending over backwards to make her happy.. it's not your job to be a servant in a relationship. She would probably have more respect for you anyway if you didn't do her bidding. She should be happy on her own and be happy to be in a relationship with you.. being her floormat isn't going to win you any points.

 

Ditto that.

[laura_5000]

Do you actually want to try again or are you just finding it to hard to let go? I have been in the situation before that you keep thinking it will work but deep down you know it wont work but you are just holding on to them as you love them.

 

If you have asked yourself this question and you can honestly say that you do want to be with her, then just speak to her and tell her, its the only way.

[babypink61]

Stop the friends with benefits relationship with her, and give the girl sometime to decide what she really wants to do. She might feel angry towards you at the beginning and just not want to deal with it, but if you give her some time to cool down she might change her mind. When my bf and I first broke up I was upset and did not want to even speak to him. But after doing a lot of thinking I really started to miss him and eventually we started talking again and got back together . . .