A boyfriend, but no real friends...

[Love333]

Does anyone have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but lack in the friend department?

 

I am friendly, nice to everyone, and enjoy meeting new people, but just haven't established a real group of friends. I have transfered colleges twice, and this may play a part in my situation...but I feel like a loser if my boyfriend is not around!! I have a couple girls that I can call my friends, but feel a little lonely other than that. My mom is a better friend than anyone I have, I know this can be a good thing for some and not for others, but I just wish I had other girls to spend time with.

 

It is summer at the college I attend (I have been attending for 3 semesters), I will be a senior next year. I am living 39hours away from home, 6 hours away from my boyfriend (who Iv'e been with for over 2 years)...working, and taking a summer class. I feel like a loser when my boyfriend is at home hanging out with his buddies, and I am at school studying or reading, or working I am not a hard person to get a long with, a little shy, but I had some real great friends in high school.

 

Oh yeah, being in a serious relationship I know affects my friend situation... I love spending time with my boyfriend, but I would spend time with girlfriends if I had them!! I am always open to meeting new people at school and at social events, but I just haven't established a group of friends yet. Everyone always talks about the importance of having friends, and this makes me feel abnormal and that I am missing out.

 

Can anyone else relate, or have any advice??!!!

[renaissancewoman101]

I know how you feel about lacking in the friend dept but I dont have a bf. I do have a best friend who is like a pseudo-bf to me but he is gay and he does have a bf. I just moved to San Diego about 5 months ago from Milwaukee, WI, and I have been having a hell of a time adjusting to living out here. I dont do real well with change and that has caused me to become withdrawn and not seek out friendships. I can make friends if I want to but I am afraid to.

 

Instead of making friends, I spend a big chunk of my time hanging out with my best friend who is like a safety blanket to me. He lives about two hours from me and I spent a chunk of my weekends going up there to hang out with him and his bf. Having him as a best friend does hinder me from making friends in the new city that I just moved to.

[CluelessGuy321]

I have lots of friends, never had a girlfriend. So I'm in the opposite spectrum. For me, making friends is EASY compared to getting into a relationship. Don't know how it could be the opposite for anyone else lol.

 

 

 

And renaissancewoman101, you should make more friends in San Diego. There's a lot of awesome people out there. It's a pretty laid back town.

[alteer]

I think we have all been through this at one time or another. It's is really important to keep your own social circle. I know this because I don't have one after splitting with my bf. I'm a very slow learner.

 

I am extremely short on friends at the moment because I spent all my time with him and his friends. So now I have to go make some......have joined some social groups so am slowly getting out and about.

 

I suggest doing what I"m doing.......find some group activities you can sign up to.

I will NEVER make that mistake again.

[renaissancewoman101]

CluelessGuy321, I know I need to make more friends down in San Diego. I do like living down here. It is a nice city. I do have a few friends down here but I need to expand my horizons a bit. You're lucky though, you dont have a hard time making friends. A SO isnt the for all end all of things. Sometimes having good friends is just as good or even better than an SO.

[CluelessGuy321]

True, but I need teh sex >_

[alteer]

True, but I need teh sex >_

 

 

Poor Clueless

[CluelessGuy321]

 

 

yeah. poor me.

[itsallgrand]

Just make it a bigger priority. Friends take time, energy, mind space. You're obviously a busy gal (not a loser. You're working hard and taking care of yourself.). You don't want to miss out on having some good friends though.

 

Maybe you could shift some of the energy that goes to your mom, bf, whathaveyou and push yourself to meet up more often with the friends you have or to branch out. I doubt you'll have trouble doing so - it's just a matter of where you put your time and energy.

 

cheerio!

[Polypeptide]

me too...

 

I dun have many friends to start with. And I changed colleges too. I made real friends in high school. But after highschool I just meet people but don't develop real friendship. I just don't feel connected to people.

 

And even with the limited number of friends I have, they are all guys. I also have problems making friends with girls.

 

I think I'm friendly. I smile a lot to every stranger. But maybe I'm different from u. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the proper social skills. I suspect I have social anxiety. There were times I just didn't wanna show up to certain classes because I knew I had to socalize and make friends in the class.

 

But on the other hand, I have a boyfriend. I mean if I have real social anxiety. Maybe I wouldn't have the guts to go out with this guy.

 

Having a bf makes the situation worse. My bf is very outgoing and makes so many friends anywhere. I'm just a bit shy. I just can't make friends that easy.

 

But becoz I feel like I'm lack of social skills. I'm learning from my bf. Observing how he can make friends so smoothly and try it on other classmates I see regularly.

[Polypeptide]

Maybe you could shift some of the energy that goes to your mom, bf, whathaveyou and push yourself to meet up more often with the friends you have or to branch out. I doubt you'll have trouble doing so - it's just a matter of where you put your time and energy.

 

That's so true too. I thought about this too. If I redirect those efforts I spent on my bf to other people. They will love me as a friend so much.

[CluelessGuy321]

The best way to make friends is clubs and/or over a few drinks

[teacup]

yeah, i dont have that many friends because i was abused for a long time. classic story, he wanted me isolated from everyone, he didnt want me around his family, his friends, my friends, my family. he cut me off from everyone. told me that no one would ever care about me but him. (ridiculous) accused me of flirting with other guys all the time.

 

once i got rid of him i started to make more new friends.

 

he didnt want me to have anyone because he knew that would break his control of me.

 

i generally make friends with anyone. it's a matter of, if he/she is cool with me, i'll be cool with him/her.

[renaissancewoman101]

Teacup, I hope you can go out and make friends. You need to cheer yourself up more. You are a good person and have a lot to offer people, just need to have a cheerier outlook on life.

[teacup]

thanks renaissancewoman yeah, im told i sound grumpy and mean on forums. but im really not (well, cept today i am pmsing like crazy). i wouldn't say im ecstatically happy but im pretty good most of the time. i smile at most ppl and im told im pretty nice.

 

thanks for ur vote of support. i appreciate it.

[Third Wheel]

I know of a couple kind of like you and your boyfriend, but I personally can't relate.

 

Jack and Jill have been dating for I think around....two years now? Yea, well, since they started dating, I know they've lost a lot of friends. Like, they only spend time with each other, and since they're always together, they're kind of hard to approach. I was starting to become friends with Jack before he and Jill got together, but after that, they seemed a bit too lovestruck to talk to. So, well, maybe the situation's similar with you and your boyfriend. People might now that you and him are together, so they don't think they can approach you as easily. And, I know plenty of guys that have girls that are just friends, so they might also want to approach you as a friend, but, are afraid to because you're dating.

 

So, maybe, try actually getting out there more. Like, try starting a conversation on your own, maybe it'll help, show that you're still friendly, even though you're dating.

 

Good luck.