Cheating

[EternalGrace]

I don't know if anyone can provide an answer to this question. It's just something I had to get off my chest. What possesses one to cheat on another person? Does it provide a sense of self gratification or something, knowing that you can have more than one man/woman at a time? Do these scummy people not realize that they're cheating on more than one person? This is something that recently happened to one of my closest friends with her boyfriend of almost four years. I just don't understand it. It makes me so mad to know that he's been feeding her lies all this time. How can you truly love someone as much as you say you do, when you're off doing things with other girls?

[crookster_man]

Cheating is a result of a dysfunction in a relationship. The person who cheated is defiantly wrong. However, unlike popular belief, the other person is not completely innocent either. You see when one cheats it is because the relationship fails to give them something. It is lacking in some way.

 

Now this doesn't excuse their actions. The mature thing to do would be to either attempt to correct the problem and strengthen the relationship or break it off in an attempt to find something better. Cheating is never a viable solution.

 

People who employ such tactics are usually plagued by a lack of confidence, insecurities and low self-worth. A better person would never harm another or there own dignity in this way. Trust me people who cheat on their lovers are no better off.

 

Even though it may seem like the cheated upon has lost. (As in the other person has someone else while they have no one) This is not how it really is. The cheater will fail to learn anything from the relationship. Their actions breed only mistrust and betrayal. A relationship founded in betrayal can only know betrayal. On the other hand, the person who was harmed can learn and grow from the experience. Because they can walk away with a clear conscience and head held high.

 

When it comes down to it, all the really matters is that you can look yourself in the mirror and say I love you. Life is %10 what happens to you and %90 how you react to it. Being true to yourself and thus being truthful to others is the only way love, respect, honour and integrity can exist. Those devoid of such attributes are hardly worth your thoughts or tears… You cry for the death of the person you thought you loved. Not for the real person, the shell that claims to be them.

[Heretic]

I gonna get it for posting this one but... Yes, yes you can love someone and still cheat on them. Love is not something devoted to one specific person. It is possible for someone to love more then one person. It is also possible for someone to cheat on someone they love with someone they don't. As long as they don't think the other person will be hurt by it, whether that be because they think they're okay with it or because they think they won't find out.

 

That said a person can cheat for a variety of reasons. Cheater's usually are happy with the person they're cheating on though some cases (about 30%) feel trapped in the relationship. Most cheaters who love the person they are with will try to hide it after they do, but won't repeat the mistake with the same person. The more guilt-weighed ones will admit it ASAP and promise to never do it again.

 

So it's really a case to case basis... they aren't all the same ever. I've never cheated. I never will and I think cheating is the single creulest act you can do to someone you love, but it still doesn't mean you don't love them.

 

That's just my two cents for what it's worth.

[lilblondchick912]

i agree, cheating is wrong. i think people do it b/c they're afraid to break up their relationship with one person, but still want one with another. so they try to have the both...and it doesn't work that way.

[BazookaMike]

Yep. Personally I think its a moral issue, simple as that.

 

Its unfortunate that anyone could ever be so selfish. I have no tolerance for the act of cheating.

[ShatteredHalo]

Cheating is the most devastating thing you could ever do to a person. When ever I hear about it, I want to go out on a rampage and put these people in their rightful place...pure and utter pain. If that's what they cause, then that is what they should get in return. You get what you give.

 

I agree that it is a moral issue, but one has to wonder if people who cheat have any morals to begin with? It's kind of a double edged sword.

I for one despise the vermin who even cross a thought of cheating on someone they love, or atleast claim to love. As soon as that thought occurs these "people" should have the decency to either think it out and discover what caused this thought, fix what ever dis-satisfaction they are having in their relationship, or get out before real damage is inflicted.

And if they can't perform such simple tasks', then they have no right to be in a relationship in the first place.

 

I could imagine that being cheated on would make a serious blow to ones confindence in love, not to mention their self esteem. How could you not but feel inferior knowing that your love has cheated on you? That would be a pretty big hit to what ever ego you have.

 

My advice to anyone who has been cheated on is this:

Get out of the relationship immediately. Remember that if they can do it once, they can do it again. It's not smart to trust someone that can blaintently betray you because they don't have a simple little thing called self restraint. People now a days are wanting love so much more and are going to further and further lengths to get it. It is this drive that can sometimes blind us from the people we love or are trying to love. To me love means trust, honesty, and devotion. Something not easily broken if you claim to love someone, and it is not a word that these cheating slime have the right to use. I'm sorry if I am so passionate about this, but I don't hate too many things. On my list of the very few things I hate, cheating is right up there with racism and terrorism. It is a disgusting act that should have dire consequences for anyone who commits it.

 

So, that's my feed. Anyone else want to throw something in, by all means do it.

[crookster_man]

Shatteredhalo, I sense bitterness? Cheating is a terrible thing. I agree, when one does it they show no respect for the other person. However, the real issue is about the cheater not the cheated upon. The cheater is the one who lacks the morals and character to act in a just, proper manner. The cheated upon is guilty of no crime save ignorance.

 

At the same time you must understand that most cheaters aren't "evil people" out to hurt others. I have never cheated on another that is because I view myself with high regard then that. Most cheaters lack confidence or self worth. They search for this in others.

 

This doesn't excuse their actions, but maybe it can help us understand it. When one is cheated on they suffer, because they realize that they misjudge another and placed trust in someone not worthy of it. There ego shouldn't e damaged however. They still have there morals and self worth.

 

Once again, it all comes down to being truthful to ourselves. If you can look in the mirror and honestly assess one's actions and still feel honoured to be you, then you are truly blessed. Cheaters whether they know it or hide from it do not like what they have done and will always have that tarnish there view of themselves. In time they may learn to forgive themselves, but the damage has already been done.

 

So as much as we support the cheated upon. Understand that the cheater needs help too. One cannot learn from their mistakes until the understand the consequences and learn how to grow. Hate is never the answer; even those who aren't deserving of our love still deserve our tolerance, mercy and understanding, simply because... they are.

[loner82]

Being cheated on is the most devastaing thing that a person can do to another. It can cause so much damage to the other person, they will have feelings of low-self esteem and come to believe that it was there fault for their partners straying.

 

But it seems to me as though the cheater has no remorse for what they did. I am still confused and saddened by my ex's cavorting with another girl. It has caused so much damage to my identity knowing he is with the girl that he cheated with behind my back. And it certainly doesn't help always hearing about how happy they are together. At first I had animosity toward this other girl, I wanted to hurt her and him like they hurt me.

 

But now the way I see it is they had to put me through all this pain in order to be together, I have to be happy for them. There courtship will workout better than my 3 yr. relationship with him. Of course it hurts and some days the pain builds up so much I just burst into tears anywhere I am, be it in class or driving or in public.

 

Your identity is shattered and you start feeling sorry for yourself cause your so lonely and constantly thinking about how happy they are together. But I guess time has its way of working things out for you and making you a better and stronger person.But indeed it is the worst feeling in the world and the lowest act a person can inflict upon another.

[ShatteredHalo]

I must commend you on an intelligent comment, crookster.

I for one do not believe that cheaters deserve any kind of tolerance and/or help. Sure, they screwed up and may regret it...but by God it is such an easy thing to avoid.

Makes me wonder where these peoples' minds have gone. I am a forgiving person. More so than I'd like to admit. I'm kind of a softy.

 

But, cheating is evil. I'm not saying the people. I do hate them for doing it, and I would much rather see them gathered up and shipped away somewhere where they could do no more harm but hey...it's life, people will revenge, heal, deal with it, what ever.

The expression $H!T happens comes to mind...it's kind of ture in it's own sense, but $h!t doesn't have to happen if it can be prevented.

 

Cheating can be prevented, and it's one of the easiest things to prevent yourself from doing. That is one thing that gets me upset about people who cheat. They let themselves sink to a low level, and they drag someone down with them. Cowardly, selfish act...and whether they know it or not...may God help them, because adultry is in God's Ten Commandments. If someone doesn't get them for it in this life, God will in the next. They will get theirs in the end...

But enough rambling from me. hehe That's just my own personal view and opinion on cheating.

[Hummers]

looking at what other people have said so far, its hard to see if the people who posted have actually cheated. Well i have.

 

Just once with my last girlfriend. i can tell you why and what happened but its only one of many possibilitys.

 

like other people have said "it usually happens when there is somthing lacking in the relationship" and i think that with hindsite there was. it happened at a time when we were allready having problems, mostly about communicating and stuff. Anyway i was out of the country away with some mates (male and female) and i sleped with someone else.

the next day i called her and told her and as soon as i got back we talked about it and broke up for a while. i always wonderd if she only wanted ab break so she could have a fling to get back at me.

 

Anyway as a cheeter i did not believe for a second that i deserved anything less than hate. in fact i hated myself for doing it.

 

I believe i cheated because i had lost faith in myself through problems in our relationship. I dont like what i did. but i did do it. It wasn't done with malice or intent for my girlfriend. In fact i believe it has almost nothing to do with my feeliings for her.

 

anyway like i siad i beleve i did it because i was emotionaly depressed and baiscally selfish.

[crookster_man]

Thank you for providing a personal insight into your life Hummers and the feelings you felt about your actions. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. Loner82, As hard as it is to accept the fact that your BF is with the other girl, I want you to look at this situation differently. The fact that he left you is a good omen. You see, although you feel that you have lost. (You are alone he has someone) The fact is you have won. How you ask?

 

You see when someone comes into our lives and then is stolen away or runs away it is for the best. This person is clearly someone who doesn't respect your or truly care for you. It is better to find this out now then in another 3 more years no?

 

The people who leave our lives like this are no good for us. Though it may hurt to see them leave, it is for the best. They do not deserve your love and affection. I'm sure this is something that you can see now.

 

One last thing, remember that his actions have proven that he has little regard for relationships, commitment and things of that nature. The fact that he is with a girl who he cheated on you with means that in all likelihood he will cheat on her. Regardless, they both have much to learn in this world. Such behavior will get you grounded FAST.

 

You cannot continually betray people and get away with it. Rest assured, his character will come back to haunt him some day. You on the other hand have learned some valuable lessons to take with you on your path. Now I ask you again, who is the real winner? Who is the real lucky one?

[Suzanne1281]

Hello all,

I came on to post about something completely different but I saw this posting and read all of them. Most of them talk about cheaters' characters coming back to haunt them and that a relationship planted in betrayal and dishonesty will only end up that way.

My question is to those who have seen the consequences happen to their cheating ex's. Does karma really exist? Does it really come back to haunt them?

My ex was horrible: he was very narcisistic and bragged about his past sex partners and every girl who passed by he would say "Oh she's always wanted me." He would always make up for it by staying with me almost every night and taking me out.

I think I caught onto him very quickly when he began cheating on me and I broke it off. He would not admit to it even though I and eveyrone else saw his car at this girl's house at very strange hours after he told me he was going home for the night. One night she even interrupted our date, and he STILL would make up lies about her. Sure that makes me feel better that he was too ashamed to admit to her and that when I was breaking up with him he said I was the only one. It took him about two months after the breakup to admit it...to my housemate and not even me.

I regret letting my anger out at him a week before I left town for good. It made me sink to his level, but somehow I think it was good that I showed him how angry and hurt he made me. I can't even describe the pain I felt and still feel even though I walked away with my dignity, morals and self respect as well as respect of others. And yes I did really learn a lot and grew from it and know how to be careful next time...but the negativity is still there no matter how hard I try.

I think I'm so bitter b/c I tortured myself with self blame and fear of seeing him with that other girl. I still rack my mind with trying to figure out if I did anything wrong when the fact was, he was a sick bastard: he slept with another girl b/c I was a virgin at the time and wasn't ready to have sex yet even though we always tried.

Anyways, sorry for rambling. Yes I must sound spiteful and bitter, and hell, I am! It really is true that all you want is for that person and the person they cheated on you with to hurt as much as you do. IT's the truth and I'm not afraid to admit it! I just want to know, will it really come back to haunt him? [/i][/u]

[crookster_man]

Suzanne, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Nothing is harder then being betrayed by someone we care for. We place our trust in them and they throw it in our face. Now to answer your post, I think I need to explain what is meant by "karma" and the saying "What goes around comes around".

 

Will their actions come back to haunt them? The answer is yes. However, you have to understand that it is not a simple as - They cheat on you and hurt you so then they get cheated on and get hurt.

 

People create situations in their lives that reflect who they are. One's merit is measured not in actions but in the quality of character. That being said, one's actions reflect one's character. So you see someone who is willing to betray and openly hurt another have poor character and thus act poorly.

 

Now what does that mean? Well someone who is of low character naturally attracts people of similar character. "Birds of the same feather flock together." Do you think these people truly respect each other and their relationship? (As a friend or lover) Of course not. Eventually people who exist on this level will be burnt. They will continue to have meaningless relationships and wander through life until the get hurt themselves and understand that living this life is no good.

 

People rarely change unless they hit rock bottom. Until they realize that their actions are causing them pain, they will continue to do what they do. Some people who cheat realize right away that they have eroded and attempt to change. These are the unfortunate few who in a moment of weakness committed the ultimate relationship sin. These are the cheaters who will learn the hard way. However, those who cheat with no remorse are doomed to suffer a false life.

 

This is what people mean when they say "What goes around comes around". There is no mystical hand that smites the wicked. These people are there own worst enemy. They damn themselves because of there unwillingness to grow, to heal and to respect others.

 

I know this post was very long. But I hope I was able to clear up your question. If not, I'm willing to take another shot at whatever you feel I didn't explain.

[kinatra]

I am sorry but this coversation is crap and one-sided. I know people who have cheated and I have been cheated upon, but some of the bullshit people are spouting out is just pathetic. Oh and ShatteredHalo, you need to look up the word adultery in the dictionary. No offence, I know it's in the 10 commandments, but adultery doesn't apply to all forms of cheating - just the ones who are married and cheating.

 

So do I agree with cheating? Of course not. Did I like being cheated on? Of course not. But you know what, shite happens. Your just lucky to find out when you can. And was it for the best? Totally! Ahhhh hey unlike some of the postings thus far, there are no black and white answers - there is a lot of grey. I also believe that there are different levels of cheating - those who carry on an affair and those who in a moment of weakness hook up with someone.

 

But above all, I believe that the reason people cheat is due to problems in the relationship for whatever reason. Granted one may be totally innocent as the person be cheated upon, but the other person in the majority of cases feels an incredible, almost debilitating, amount of shame for betraying a person they truly loved. Let's just try to have a little bit more perspective on these kinds of questions and understanding for those who have made mistakes because I don't think you are helping them by saying that they are condemned to always cheat for the rest of their lives.

 

K

[crookster_man]

Kinatra, I sense you don't approve of some of this advice? Perhaps some of mine? I say this due to your overly critical response. I'm afraid I don't know why. First off I never said my opinion was the one and only answer. Of course I didn't need to bash others to make my point, but that is another post.

 

That being said, you failed to grasp my point. I made it quite clear that life was not about being struck down by the same pain you inflicted upon another. I.e. "you cheat so you will always cheat and be cheated on." I said that life is about balance, karma some call it. Every action you visit upon others will be rewarded and punished accordingly.

 

I never said "I don't think you are helping them by saying that they are condemned to always cheat for the rest of their lives." If you perform a negative action you will have that effect visited upon you. Whether it is self inflicted (guilt), or though the constant mistakes of character (those who have no remorse).

 

If you really want to take my argument to the next step you will see that I was attempting to show those who felt rage. That they must understand that every person performs actions which have both negative and positive effects. So in theory, every action can be traced to a neutral point. Thus there is no real depended on right and wrong. There is no real suffering because there is no real action. However, this is getting deep into philosophy and not understood by most so...

 

To end of my response, Dwelling on the consequence of another's actions is going to get you no where. Taking what you can from an experience and growing from it is the only way to view a situation.

 

And as I always say, the best revenge (term used lightly) is a life well lived. Positive thinking, viewing the best in every situation is the only way to live. The only other choice is to suffer. (P.S. This goes for the cheated and the cheater)

[ShatteredHalo]

crookster_man said

 

"And as I always say, the best revenge (term used lightly) is a life well lived. Positive thinking, viewing the best in every situation is the only way to live."

 

Get the best of both worlds and have both. Live a great life, and make them suffer by your own means.