where is my cure for the pain

[Caterina]

My break-up seems to have been a unique experience. I don't really remember much from the relationship, even, but I still think about the pain every day. A lot of people tell me that I dwell. I don't really know how not to obsess over things like this. See, I only dated him for two months...and I knew at the time that this relationship as it was, was not something I was interested in when it came to permanance. He would say really cruel things to me. Yet, I guess I still somehow began to fall for him. He talked to me about marriage, even though it was only a few weeks that we had been dating. People seemed to not believe that my pain was real...that it was too short..."just a fun time for you both"...and everyone claimed to have liked him. When he broke it off, I cut off all contact from him. I didn't have many sympathizers and I am surprised that it was so hard to get over him, considering. I think about a lot of things, you know, like what he told his friends and family and how they didn't like me. HOw they said bad things about me. I think about how he hooked up with someone else not too long after, and has dated her for about the same course of time that he dated me, and he posts all kinds of pictures of themselves up...looking happy. And how, there has been me...sad. I sometimes wonder what he is thinking...I think about the few times we did talk to each other, about nothing real and how my heart is broken. Then, I think that perhaps I am deppressed and disappointed with life in general...and I use the pain from the break-up as an excuse. Either way, "getting into my hobbies" and time and all these remedy things don't seem to have provided a cure. It doesn't help that a lot of things havne't exactly been going my way: I don't have a car, I'm stuck at home with jerk roomates when I am not working...

Then, I feel guilty. There are other people who have it a lot worse...but I can't help but just get lost in my own sorrow. I have no one to reach out to, no one who wants to truly know me and love me. I had a Faith, once, and that seems to have flown off as well. Its so easy to be objective, to find the errors, when its not me. I want solutions.

I even know that its for the better...rationally I perfectly understand that I am much better off. But I can't make my heart believe that! I cry every night.

[eleanorrigby1]

I dated someone for 6 months and he broke up with me and then had a new girlfriend within days. He treated me pretty bad, he was obsesed with his ex and I felt like he used me to get over the worst of the pain. He was with the girl after me for about two and a half years and I have since heard he is back with his original ex.

 

I hate that he didnt love me but he was able to love others. I wonder why he didnt want me. I torture myself over the breakup and he probably doesnt even think about me, it drives me mad and I felt like people thought "for gods sake!! it was only 6 months!!"

 

I remember someone came up to me three days later and said "Why have you got a face on you?!" and I said "because i have just been dumped!" and they said "how long were you together?" I said "Six months" he replied "try three effing years!" and he smirked and walked off.

 

You can't put a time limit on your feelings, on your pain. If you feel bad about it, you dont need an extra helping of feeling bad about the fact that you feel bad.

 

You have a right to feel bad if you do and it doesnt matter how long you were with him.

 

Try not to think about your life as disappointing, think about what you can do to change it?

 

When the ex I refer to above dumped me, I moved out and got rented a flat on my own. I went to night college (still there now) and began a Counselling and Psychotherapy course. Just these little steps, gave me more confidence, independance and loads more friends too so a busier social life!

[Caterina]

Wow, that sounds so familiar. When I was with this guy, all he ever did was talk about his ex also. I wondered why he didn't love me either, while he loved the other women...he claimed to have loved every woman he had been with and often talked about them. I was the first one he broke up with. I wasn't like his usual type of woman, either. I sort of actually stand up for myself while the other women were very passive and put up with his cruelties a little more. NOt only that but he is extremely intelligent, but the women he dated were often not very successful academically or intellectually, while I was. I think that he was disgusted with the fact that I was a strong woman who could think for herself. It intimidated him and he managed to hurt me as an act of revenge. It hurt for a very long time and still does. Its hard when someone you respected proves to you that they are not worthy of respect. The pain says nothing about you except that you are a human being (with feelings) and teaches you that you can eventually protect yourself better having experienced the problems with not taking the precautions that you were previously unaware that you had to take...

[eleanorrigby1]

OMG!!!! you are freaking me out!!!

 

my Ex said he had never dumped anyone before, he claimed to always have fallen head over heels inlove quickly with everyone else but not me, i was the first person he ever dumped! didnt love etc i want his usual type either, he said to me once "when my best mate met you he said 'oh she is not what i imagined her to look like'" he then said "I normally go out with really skinny girls.. I could pick my ex up with one arm..." AND?!!!!

[Caterina]

Yeah,the way I basically view it is that they presented this world to us, this idea that we weren't good enough, and we believed it. But, in the end both of us are obviously better off. I think it will take time to recover, but no one else is going to care enough to take care of us, so its up to us to be strong and accept what has happened, learn from it, and move on. It isn't something personal, either, its just that they were using us, which, they had (obviously) the capability of doing. Because you happened to be his first (as far as you know!) victim is only incidental.

 

It could be a lot worse...can you imagine sleeping with these jerks and then having a child that was theirs to remind you of them for the rest of your life? At least we are free from their abuses. We should be rejoicing...and in a way, I am, but the pain remains b/c they managed to get to us.

 

The best thing we can do is try to slant our thoughts into happy, positive directions.

[Daddy Bear]

Caterina, speaking as a former breakup patient myself, i believe that the cure for your pain is radiation therapy.

 

(wha???)

 

here's what i mean: get your booty outside and let the sunshine hit your face, then sit for a while in the glow of those who have been this before you and survived. alternate as necessary. this method may take a few weeks or months to work, but it has a 99% success rate.

 

follow me?

[eleanorrigby1]

the sun never shines in Manchester, England, it just rains! ha ha ha ha

 

POO!!!!!

[pablovblack]

the sun never shines in Manchester, England, it just rains! ha ha ha ha

 

POO!!!!!

 

It doesnt in Huddersfield either, tell me about it....

[Caterina]

Caterina, speaking as a former breakup patient myself, i believe that the cure for your pain is radiation therapy.

 

(wha???)

 

here's what i mean: get your booty outside and let the sunshine hit your face, then sit for a while in the glow of those who have been this before you and survived. alternate as necessary. this method may take a few weeks or months to work, but it has a 99% success rate.

 

follow me?

 

Lol, yes, I think I do.

[Daddy Bear]

Lol, yes, I think I do. is that your picture? what a great aura you have! LOL