Had sex with a girl before we were "going out" is that a bad sign?

[Jonboy582]

Hello just well looking for your opinion. There was this girl I was seeing that I like very much. And well basically last night I was round hers and we got pretty close, well then one thing lead to anouther and before I knew it she was undoing my belt, taking my top off and we were well having sex. What I wanted to ask was alot of people say sex spoils a relationship, especially if it occurs early on, and although we are properly "going out" instead of "seeing" each other sincethis morning (not that there is much difference, just abit more formal. We had sex before we even were going out, is this a bad sign??

 

Thanks for any advice or comments

 

Jon

[MacGyverRI]

"We had sex before we even were going out, is this a bad sign??"

 

NO, it's not a bad sign! ](*,) lol

 

I don't know how to break this to you but SHE LIKES YOU A LOT!!

[Jonboy582]

HAHA well thanks, its just I heard from alot of people sex too early on in a relation makes for a un-happy relationship. But I gues that could not always be the case Took me kind of by surprise, was not expecting it at all.

[zrx]

Just means you have taken the relationship further and if thats what you both want and feel is right then there sshould be no problem.

[arwen]

I don't think it's necessarily a problem, but that you should really try to take things slower before the relationship evolves around sex and not has sex as a part of it. Just talk with her. She will probably be very happy that you really want to date her, is my guess. Make sure both of you are on the same page

 

Ilse

[RayKay]

It does not HAVE to be, it depends on the two people involved.

 

Sometimes where it can cause problems is you start bonding through the sexual intimacy, and ignore other big large red flags that are lacking in the emotional aspect of the relationship for example, or serious compatibility issues can be "pushed under the rug". I also think that because you had sex, you should not feel pushed to have a relationship either just because it is "right thing to do". Sex should of been as you both wanted too, and you will see where it takes you now.

 

Sex in itself neither ruins or creates a relationship. What happens next is determinant on you both, and your future strength as a couple.

 

It's important you both are on the same page about it really, remember you both decided to do it, so no holding it against her for sleeping with you too, kinda hypocritical!

 

 

My boyfriend and I slept together um...very early on....as we both wanted too and it just felt right....and we are going strong, and just bought our own house as well. We definitely just want to be together for a VERY long time. That was neither created by the sex early on, nor ruined by it. We are both adults, knew what we were doing and the relationship developed alongside it.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, it all depends on the couple.

 

If it just happens naturally, as it did with you two, and it doesnt feel too soon or whatever, then it's fine.

 

Just make sure you keep focussing on getting to know each other as well as the sexual stuff and you'll be fine. It's true that going too fast too soon can wreck a relationship, but only if its the wrong thing for that couple, which doesn't sound the case here.

[Day_Walker]

Its hard to say since I dont know your particular situation but sex early on can ruin a relationship but this doesnt have to be the case. So it depends, I dont know how she acts towards you if she wants more than sex or if it was just something to do. You are in a better position to say if she is interested in more than a sex thing.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Do you feel like it ruined something? Is that why you're asking?

[Jonboy582]

Raykay dont worry im not blaming anything, heck I loved it.

 

Well relationship up until now had basically been well like we were a couple just not made official, and I had been for like 3 or 4 weeks now, so its not as though we have not not emotionally bonded. Also I did not feel obliged to make this a relationship because we had sex.

 

Ta_ree_saw I dont think something has been spoilt, I was just seeking reasurance that this would not come back and bite me in the butt later on in the realationship. Also the last relationship I was in turned out not too peachy in the end, and we blamed much of it on having sex early on. But I gues if it comes back to haunt me depends on how we handle the relationship for now, aslong as we don't neglect the emotional side we should be fine (which brings me onto my next point).

 

My one problem is, this girl I know ALOT about her but NOTHING at the same time (if that makes sense). I know all about her at the moment and who she is now, and alot of things she has done in the past (exciting things, nothing bad or dull though). But well I don't know what has happened in her past, I have not really heard of any bad things to happen to her, is this a bad sign? or is she just doing what alot of people suggested and well basically dont say your bad points and show your a fun loving person, and that makes the whole dating thing go alot easier?

 

Thanks for all your replies so far

 

Jon

[TiredMan]

I guess that's a matter of personal preference. For some, it wouldn't matter. For some it would. It all depends on whether it matters TO YOU.

 

For me personally, it would matter and I wouldn't get in a relationship in that situation.