Wife's pregnant and I can't be happy.

[DN]

I am 35 years old and I am a former US Marine who served in the first Gulf War and participated in other armed conflicts around the world during this time. In that time, I committed what I feel to be atrocious acts and took the lives of others. For these acts, I feel nothing. No guilt, no remorse, no repent.

 

Let me answer this if I may. Perhaps there are no other people who have read this thread who may be in a position to answer it in the same way.

 

I come from a long line of men who have served in the British Army. One of my distant relations won a VC in India in the nineteenth century. My grandfather won a Military Medal and took a bullet through a lung in WWI, something that sent him to an early grave a few years later. My father was in the artillery during WWII and ordered shelling that undoubtedly caused some men to lose their lives. They did those things because they volunteered to serve their country by enlisting in the forces in times of need.

 

They did their fighting, killed their enemies, took their wounds and then, when the war was over they came home and got on with their lives and brought up their children. They didn't complain (much) because that was what they volunteered to do - their duty. So did I when I joined the Army as a young man.

 

You volunteered to join the Marines and you did your duty as you were required to do. Good for you and you deserve the thanks of your country.

 

Now get over it. Just like the rest of us did. Stop using that as an excuse. As the saying went when I was serving and things got nasty - "If you can't stand a joke, you shouldn't have joined." Well, you did join.

 

You also had sex with a woman and she got pregnant. OK, you were deceived and feel trapped. Get over that as well. If you can't stand a joke you should not have had sex. But you did and for better or worse she is pregnant and, just as you had a duty to your country and your fellow soldiers, you have a duty to be the best possible father to this baby.

 

Just as killing and being killed goes along with being a marine, being a father to a baby who has done nothing wrong but be the result of your pleasure is also a duty. Oddly enough, it will be a pleasure too if only you let it and stop the resentment over being deceived taking you over.

 

As one former soldier to another - don't desert when you are needed the most.

[SwtMary]

Very well said DN...I have never been in the Military but I can imagine what it must be like. I have one question for Military men and women. When you sign up isn't there the knowledge that one day you may have to kill someone? Do people sign up not knowing this fact or do most people just "hope" they won't have to? Like I said I have never been in the military or never really had anyone close to me join, so I don't really know...

[mushroom1129]

now why the hell didn't YOU get a vasectomy???? if YOU dont want kids then you should have done that before you even had sex. birth control isn't 100% effective either.

[sir sirloin]

Reason number 7263 not to get married.

[Daddy Bear]

Reason number 7263 not to get married.

what, so you don't have to take responsibility for contraception?

 

hell, i never took responsibility for it, and i got married three times!

 

although, come to think of it, pregnancy was the reason i got married each time...

 

hmmm...

[sir sirloin]

what, so you don't have to take responsibility for contraception?

I'll assume you are facetious as the medium of internet forums don't convey tone very well.

 

In my interpretation of the original post the gentleman and his spouse had an implied agreement about contraception. The chosen method was birth control pills. His wife unilaterally chose to break this agreement because she felt like it. She has him by the nards in a legal sense. No matter what the outcome he will have to pay for this for the next 18 years.

 

Chances are his beloved doesn't respect him anymore. If she did she wouldn't have pulled a stunt like this. Now he has the choice of living with her and the fruit of his loins or getting a divorce. If he lives with her there is a good chance sex will stop because now that his wife got what she wanted she doesn't need a sperm donor anymore. And he will have to spend the rest of his days supporting her and his unwanted child.

 

If he divorces then if he doesn't get reamed with alimony he will get it with child support.

 

In short because this man was stupid enough to trust this woman the life he chose to lead was shattered.

 

Hence my original post. In modern times marriage is one of the dumbest decisions a man can make.

[DN]

None of which is the child's fault.

[Daddy Bear]

facetious? not at all, sir. not even slightly. the problem arose not when TexasNative was wedded. he sealed his fate when he entrusted to someone other than himself the total responsibility for contraception, can you not see that in your blind hatred of marriage?

 

one can only hope that he assumes a more proactive position in the care of his offspring who, as DN points out, had far less choice in the matter than did TN himself.

 

i hope that you are not bothered by the fact that my opinion differs from your own. i meant no offense in offering it.

[Daddy Bear]

whatever, man! you win!

[melrich]

In modern times there is no reason to get married and many reasons not to. The original post reinforces that point.

 

What on earth has marriage got to do with it? It is of absolutely no relevance. He could be in exactly the same position were this de-facto or in fact just a relationship.

 

This has nothing to do with the institution of marriage.

[ReadyorNot]

I feel SOOOOO sad for his wife and baby....

 

What kind of marriage do you have that you would seriously leave your wife over this? Yes, it was wrong that she stopped taking her BC.... but you made a baby together... she is your WIFE, not some random woman... if you seriously didnt want kids then you should have had the vasectomy... now your wife of 5 years is going to have your baby and you are just going to up and leave...

 

I think once you saw this child you would change your mind...

Having children is all I have ever wanted so I really cant comment any further.... I am just blown away by your posts....

[DN]

I can understand him leaving his wife for what she did was a deception and very manipulative - assuming she did it deliberately.

 

But the child should not be blamed or abandoned.

[SwtMary]

What happened to the OP?? Its been a while since we have heard from him?

[Daddy Bear]

he has not logged on to ENA since the day after he joined. unlikely that he will return, imo.

 

i wish him luck and i hope he has his head on straight about caring for his baby, whether he divorces or not.

[RobustMouse]

I commend Texas Native for coming to this board and expressing and opening up the people of this board in order to get advice in help. It take balls to do that, thats for sure!

 

Anyways, No on can condem him for feeling the way he does. A person can NOT control how they feel. And no one should try and condem him for his feelings on this matter. He has every right in the world to be royally PO'd at his partner, if she did indeed entrap him.

 

Can you imagine being entraped in a situation like this? I am one that does love kids, but certainly don't want any of my own. If I suddenly found myself an about to be parent, I wouldn't be very happy either. Parenthood is an extreamly personal choice, and apparently he was forced into it by the decisions of his wife.

 

Not logged on? Hmmm, I'm still glad I typed this.

[SLMitchell918]

After reading this post, I felt like I need to comment. It looks like its become a pretty debated post. Hopefully he logs in again........or maybe he wont.

 

How do you know that your wife trapped you? Did she directly come out and tell you that she stopped her birth control or did you assu-me?

 

If you have deep feelings about this child and not wanting to have any part of it, then so be it - but I really suggest you get some counciling. Something just isn't right.

 

But first, get a divorce. Your wife might have made a mistake and it was selfish of her, but it was also selfish to deny her of a child. I am sure she can find someone to love her and her unborn child.