My boyfriend wants me to be friendly to ex...

[Cecil de Volange]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months and everything is in a satisfactory level. I can't say perfect or great because he talks to his ex still. They were together for three years, so yeah I'm no competition to their relationship. This girl slept with his boss, dump him for another guy...and put him into debt...but he forgave her still. They still talk like call each other up on the phone...no wait she calls him! not him calling her. He just said she's a good friend, and I keep thinking something else. Last night all three of us hanged out at her house and I feel uncomfortable...I just have that heavy feeling like heartbroken thing. I just hate being a third wheel everytime all three of us hang-out. I feel neglected and....I keep thinking this is the girl he had sex with five different ways. For example, Like everytime me and him hang-out with her...his like really happy. It's like he wants her back, but can't because of what she did to him.

 

What should I do? I'm getting hurt because I can't stand the fact that he would defend her than me, like he sticks up for her if I complain about her calling or something. I just feel like I'm not important for him, but he says that I am important that I need to relax, like come on!!!! I'm his girlfriend!!! and he wants me to relax about being friends with his ex... and hanging-out with her....and that's nothing for him. ONce she ask me if she could move in with him at his apartment, like WHAT!!!! it's like she's asking me if she could have sex with him.....I haven't talk to him since last night and I know from the beginning of the relationship that she's not going anywhere and his not letting her go. I just can't take it anymore. It's just WEIRD. PLease help.

 

ADD:

She has a boyfriend now, but I just hate the fact she calls if me and him are having a romantic dinner or him talking about his past sex with her. I just stay quiet or I'll get angry. I already told him is it me or her and he said his not letting her go for me because she is a valuable friend to him..and i said to him "Even though she had sex with your boss when you two are together..."...he said its the past and just forgive....I don't know anymore...I'm dying inside like falling apart. Everytim we argue...he defends her...like OMG.

[annie24]

wow. that is a really weird situation. I would sit down and talk to your boyfriend, tell him that the entire situation makes you feel uncomfortable. List the reasons why. If he doesn't want to change his behavior, I recommend you leave the relationship and let him keep playing with his ex.

 

good luck

[miracle29]

Well first let me say that you are NOT wrong for feeling that this is not a good situation for you to be in. He has no right to put such demands on you. In fact..its like annie said..this is bizarre. I want to tell you to make him choose but I know that wont work if he's already this thick headed about the situation. I though would re-evaluate the situation and decide if I wanted to play second fiddle to an ex. Why is she the ex? If she was that important in the first place then why isn't he with her? I smell a fish...

[thegirl_00]

I would never stick around for that. Honestly, I would feel so hurt and "heartbroken" like you said. He shouldn't be putting you through that and i don't think you should have to feel that way. If you haven't already talked to him about how you feel then i suggest you do and like annie said, if things don't get better then i wouldn't stick around. I get jealous when my boyfriend ever just talks to a girl lmao, nvm if he was hanging out with his ex gf all the time. You don't need to feel like that.

[Cecil de Volange]

oh yeah, he said his not willing, but would it make me feel better if he doesn't say anything about her in front of me only, like don't mention she calls him and others. He said its an effective way to resolve the issues. But it's like his being dishonest to me though, like gosh....

[xprincessbugx]

I'd get out of this relationship and let him work things out with his ex. It seems like maybe there is some unfinished business between them or something. It's a very strange situation to be in esp. after all that she's done to him. I'd get out of this relationship.

[aporia14]

You have absolutely every right to be uncomfortable. This situation could go two ways. One, you ask him to choose but, this is if you cannot accept this situation the way it is. Be cautious because he might not appreciate you putting him in that position, and just to be spiteful he might just choose his friendship with her.

 

Or Two, be a friend. Feel him out. Talk to him and try to get a sense of where he is with her. It is posible that he would not allow himself to be involved with her again for obvious reasons but, this also depends on his level of maturity and self-control. Then, judge from there.....you will have to ask yourself whether you can live with their friendship and trust what he says or not. If not then leave because you don't deserve to be second best.

Whatever you do always be true to how YOU will feel. If you can't live with it then, respect those feelings you have and get out while you still can.

[annie24]

I'd get out of this relationship and let him work things out with his ex. It seems like maybe there is some unfinished business between them or something. It's a very strange situation to be in esp. after all that she's done to him. I'd get out of this relationship.

 

yeah, and like a previous poster said, if she is so important, why is she an ex? It sounds like they have some unresolved business.

[neolithic]

uhhh, we wants you two to hang out together? it's like that time.. my first boyfriend ripped my heart open after taking my virginity then asked me to have a threesome with his new girlfriend. ok, that was a little bitterness coming out, but you're like, what??? combining the two is just not a good idea. he's being insensitive.. my friend just posted about this, it's a little different, but her boyfriend made this new female friend and their relationship is hurting my friend. this is what she wrote..

 

"I asked my dad if it would be wrong for me to ask Nick to stop talking to his friend. To my surprise, my dad said, "No. Absolutely not." He related a story to me about him and my stepmom. Back in 1995, she suspected he was having an affair with a friend of his, which was preposterous. She was just a friend and they rarely even communicated, but for some reason, Alison was extremely upset by their interaction. So she asked him to sever communication with her. He said, "I didn't try to prove my innocence. I didn't get indignant or huffy or fight to keep my acquaintance with this woman intact. No! I realized this was something that was incredibly threatening and damaging to my wife's peace of mind and I didn't want her to suffer. So I stopped talking to my friend. Who is at the top of my priorities? My wife! She comes before everything, all lesser friends and associates. If you are the love of Nick's life, the woman he envisions mothering his children, his consideration of your relationship should transcend all considerations of other relationships, especially if they are mere friendships."

 

i think her dad's right!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think you should walk away, quickly. Yes, It sounds pretty odd, and don't think your feelings are much of a priority for him:

 

They still talk like call each other up on the phone...no wait she calls him! not him calling her.

 

Wow, where I come from we have caller ID for that. Or would simply 'not answering the phone' be way too much effort for him to put in, with the only return being that he would be treating you with respect...

 

Last night all three of us hanged out at her house and I feel uncomfortable...I just have that heavy feeling like heartbroken thing. I just hate being a third wheel everytime all three of us hang-out.

 

...Gee, I can't imagine why you'd feel like a fifth wheel?...

[annie24]

Very good post neolithic! I agree - it is the girlfriend who should be at the top of the priority list, not the ex. If he isn't respecting your wishes, you should let him go back to his ex and find a new man.