How to grow

[quietgrl]

How do you grow when people around you.They don't support you.I have no friends.

[agent1607307371]

Quietgirl I recently have had to 'lose' a whole swathe of friends who not only were not supportive, but were detrimental to my life.

 

The only answer I can give is that you have to support yourself- be the soil and the roots. Give out to the world what you want to get back and it'll come eventually. Nourish yourself, take classes, read the books, see the places you want to see. It's hard, and harder in a world that indoctrinates us towards group activity, but unquestionably worth it.

[quietgrl]

agent,

 

Thanks. I never had any true friends.So i'm frustrated right now.I alway was by myself because i couldn't relie on people.I'm trying to grow but i have nobody in my life except 3 people my mom,big sister and little brother.I try to create friendship but the people flake out on me in the end.

I wish i didn't have to be around people anymore.

[Mun]

Hey there,

If you are 36 yrs. like your profile says then I can understand why it would be so hard to make new friendships at this stage of your life. It just doesn't happen too easily.

 

I agree with the previous poster that you have to put yourself out there--if you are really interested in making new friends. Even if just social buddies. Take a class, join a group, you surely wont meet people staying home girl.

 

I don't know about you, but the more I stay in, the less I want to go out. So try not to. You have to break out of your routine.

 

Sounds like you might have social anxieties. Wonder if professional help would be a good choice here.

[Relationship Coach]

Find a Life Coach, California has thousands of them.

[quietgrl]

No i don't have social anixety.I stay by myself because people are unreliable and don't have time for me.

I would love to have a life coach but i don't have money for one.

[Relationship Coach]

Find one who has a free consultation offer and talk to them, you may have to shop a few before finding one you are comfortable with. Some life coaches will work with you on fees or point you in a direction which will require self-help. Between my current client load, helping out here and trying to get over an illness, I'm stretched but I'm sure if you put in the effort you will find someone. Give up on bad friends, not yourself.

 

RC

[Caldus]

Hey take it easy. I've never had good friendships myself. A few good ones but nothing good now. For some people it's just harder. Just get out there and be willing to meet new folks and you should do well!

[quietgrl]

It's hard to stay positive.I never had friends supporting me..I'm alway supporting frinds.It' ok.I'll use to living this way.I just have to live with not having any friends

[Caldus]

No.

 

You just need to change your attitude on this. And don't be too supportive of other people if they are never supporting you. All it does is give them the idea that they can just use you and most of the time they will end up doing so.

[quietgrl]

I wish i can live on an island with a sailorman.That would make my day.I think i'm allergic to people

[MacGyverRI]

How do you grow when people around you.They don't support you.I have no friends.

 

 

1st, Is english a 2nd language for you?

 

2nd, you should lose the "oh poor me" attitude, you are what your environment is

and the only way to get a circle of friends is to go out and find some.

 

People won't search you out, you need to do the work.

[quietgrl]

MacGyverRI,

English is my first language and what does that have to do with people treating me like Sh*T.The people that abuse me spoke/wrote good english.Ok

I'm waiting for the next good advice.(exhaling)

[MacGyverRI]

MacGyverRI,

English is my first language and what does that have to do with people treating me like Sh*T.The people that abuse me spoke/wrote good english.Ok

I'm waiting for the next good advice.(exhaling)

 

 

 

The type of grammar and sentence structure you use in everyday life has a lot to do with how you are accepted and treated by "most people" and most importantly the type of people who you can actually attract and will want to associate with you. That was the reason for the question.

 

 

 

How do people abuse you and treat you like sh.t?

What do you do to cause it?

[quietgrl]

MacGyverRI,

That's not true in my case.The most "proper" english people are the ones who treat people the worse.Donald trump said it the best.A person should never ever judge a book by it's cover.You'll regret it.

What i need is people with good character.I don't care about the grammar or sentence structure.I need people who are supportive and don't judge.

[Mun]

You know, I would like to ask you a question:

If you could have the best of friends, how would you go about it? What would YOU do to get them?

[MacGyverRI]

MacGyverRI,

1, .A person should never ever judge a book by it's cover.You'll regret it.

 

 

2, I need people who are supportive and don't judge.

 

 

1, I don't judge, but I do try and give objective advice coming from my education, IQ and real life experiences with counseling people.

 

 

2, Your the one that actually does the judging. Read your own posts since "nobody is good enough for you" and "none of your friends are any good".

 

 

 

FWIW,

If you were dating from age 18 and only had 4 BF's/dates a yr that would make 72 guys who weren't good enough. The odds aren't right....

 

 

Ken,

 

 

p.s.

"never judge a book by it's cover" is way older than Trump....

[MacGyverRI]

You know, I would like to ask you a question:

If you could have the best of friends, how would you go about it? What would YOU do to get them?

 

Interesting question!

 

 

BTW, I love your sig.

"Dear god: I have a problem. It's me."

[Mun]

Thank you MacGYverRI

 

I'm still waiting for the answer to my question...

[MacGyverRI]

It's pretty obvious that she won't answer. Blaming everyone else "is" much easier than trying to actually help yourself.

 

 

"What i need is people with good character."

 

Ask yourself if you have have enough actual good character to attract that in other people? Not your perception of character, but what others think of it or it's a one sided opinion.

 

 

"I don't care about the grammar or sentence structure."

 

Most people at least try their best unless maybe severe depression is causing it?

 

 

"I need people who are supportive and don't judge."

 

Using need vs. want is a cry for help but you don't want anyone judging you. That could be from your past friends telling you what you should do and of course it's always them that are wrong.

 

 

"I wish i can live on an island with a sailorman."

 

So that is what you want? living in a "fantasy world" rather than reality??

 

 

"I think i'm allergic to people"

 

No, you just seem to shun people who try to help. Try to open up a "bit" and listen a "lot".

 

 

"Has any single girls gone to a Sex or S&M club"?

 

Yikes! where did this come from??? Gang bang for social acceptance time?

[Daffy]

Unfortunately, unempathetic jerks are everywhere. I constantly find people imposing their own issues and biases on how they talk to me (too).

I have know only a few people that were genuinely supportive, as opposed to sarcastic or even judgemental ( of even asking questions ).

 

 

How do you grow when people around you.They don't support you.I have no friends.

 

 

Trust your instinct. Some people will not help you, they will make assumptions rather than finding out who you really are and/or what you really need. Don't look to them for support (I've tried, it never ended well for me).

Learn to discern. the people you help are people you have chosen to care about and help, and that's a good thing but it's different than seeking help or the social support of friendship.

 

Mun - I would emphasize and encourage their positive traits and use this to support their goals of self improvement. I would also try to lighten the heck up and not make hanging around me so intense (seriously, I am way too serious all the time). In my experience this works.