ex wants me to visit

[hoboken12]

Just wanted to peoples opinion on my situation.

 

I recently had contact with an ex from about two years ago. After we broke up we had no contact. When we were dating she held on to the relationship with her exboyfriend which caused some problems with us on occasion

because he was still in love with her. So when we broke up I felt like the best thing was to just call it quits and make a clean break. I didn't want to

be another guy causing issues with her new relationship. I was really sad about it, but it felt like it was the right thing to do. As much as I would have loved to be with her myself, I really do want her to be happy and if that is not with me, then it is just not meant to be.

 

Anyways, she started dating a guy right after we broke up and I heard from others how she and her boyfriend were extremely happy and inseperable. It bummed me out but I was still happy for her in a way. I continued to move on and kept no contact. So after two years apart she contacts me. She never mentioned a word about her new boyfriend or how happy she is with him. She ends up inviting me up to visit her (she moved to another state). I declined. I thought that if we were just going to be friends that reconnecting on the phone should be enough at least at first. I just didn't want to confuse things. (I guess I still have some feelings for her even after all this time). I told her how good it was to hear from her again, and I would like to talk again and told her to give me a call. I have not heard from her since.

 

I had heard recently that they have been talking about getting married. I guess my question is, what do you think she was trying to accomplish here. I would think that if she were thinking about getting married I would not still be on her mind after so long. Or that she would at least mention how happy she was now, or that they were talking about getting married. Maybe I was being unfair by not wanting to visit her, but I think I was doing it for the right reasons. Her and I had talked about getting married also, and I know how confusing it was that the woman I was thinking about marrying would string along an old flame that was still in love with her.

 

Does her invitation seem suspect to anyone but me?

[tylercdurden2004]

You did the right thing. As you said you guess you still have feelings for you. at this point it seems she doesnt and is ready to have a friendship. Your feelings for her will probably get in the way. IF she does have feelings for you why is she contacting you while planning to marrying someone else?

[hoboken12]

I guess I wonder if she does have feelings for me still. If she just wanted friendship why couldn't we get reaquainted over the phone. Why is it necessary for me to drive a few hundred miles to visit her.

 

It doesn't sound like they are making plans for a wedding, just that they have talked about the idea of getting married. If she wanted friendship, why wouldn't she mention her boyfriend at all. I told her about girls I had been dating. I felt like I made it clear that it was ok to talk about that.

 

The thing is, she did hurt me pretty bad. But the great thing about our relationship was that we had a really good friendship also, and I miss that part. I think there has been enough time past for me to handle that, but I am very cautious in case she is thinking of something more, or if she is trying to use me to end her current relationship.

 

It just seems like maybe she isn't mentioning anything about her relationship because she wants me to pursue her. But I think I just want to finally become the friends we probably always should have been.

[tylercdurden2004]

Well if she does have feeling s for you she is hardly being fair to her current BF, in trying to pursue something with you. Maybe just ask her point blank what she is looking for. If you have feelings for her can you really be friends with her?