never had a boyfriend

[sleepygirl]

Ok, i want to get your opinions. I am almost 25. I have a grad degree, a good job, and consider myself successful. I am decent looking and get along with most everyone. I am a friendly person. I have a strong faith. I am serious when it comes to some things, but can be crazy in others and like to have fun.

 

The thing is, I've never had a boyfriend. I've been on a few dates but not many at all. I do like guys, but to be quite honest, I probably haven't left enough time in my schedule for them...to date them, to be a girlfriend, etc. I've been too involved in my work, academics, and other things. Although I'm a very friendly person, I get shy when it comes to that. I'll be friendly with guy "friends" but I get incredibly embarrassed when it comes to the whole dating thing. I just think dating is incredibly awkward! And I feel behind!

 

Sometimes I think that I've never had a boyfriend because I'm too picky. My attitude is, why date a guy if there is no chance of a long term relationship. I know you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, but I'm afraid of what happens when things don't work out. I don't want to get hurt and I definitely don't want to hurt somebody else...that is a huge fear of mine. I know people break up all the time and it is okay to go out on a couple dates with a person and then call it quits, but I still would feel badly about that. So why like a guy and then have one or both of us end up disappointed?

 

Also, I have high morals and values and to be quite honest, it's hard to find guys that share similar values, but who are also fun and interesting (that I would be attracted to!). It seems as if guys are one or the other - they're nice or fun. I'm attracted to the fun guys, but I know that it wouldn't work out with them in the long run. Any advice? I could really use it.

[novaseeker]

Why not try to meet men at your place of worship? You may have a better chance there at meeting people who have similar values than in the general public.

 

In terms of the rest ... you do need to take some risks for any relationship to be enabled. No risk = no reward, and it works that way for relationships as well. As the saying goes, it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all ... and it's a cliche, but it is also true. That doesn't mean you have to date people who have zero potential, but perhaps you should date people a tad longer before you decide they don't have potential, particularly if you get yourself in a situation where you *are* meeting people who have similar values to yours.

[Scotcha]

Why is it that you "know" it wouldn't work out with any of these guys in the long run? Unless you're seeing some obvious red flags most people have to date before they can make that decision. It seems to me like you have many attractive qualities but for whatever reason you're not giving anyone a real chance.

[AwdreeHpburn]

could be a phobia or anxiety of sorts.

 

I have a friend who's sort of similar. She has a hard time with the all of nothing part. Meaning for her its either all or nothing. Which is ok, but she usually ends up with nothing.

 

There are a lot of faith based dating services designed for people to meet people with a similar faith background as well as the values and morales and what not.

 

I think you may need to look more closely at your not wanting to hurt or be hurt issue tho. That, I think, is where you're getting hung up a bit .

[itsallgrand]

My advice: Loosen up and take some risks. It's the only way to learn. And find time in your schedule for men and dating - if that is what you want in your life.

 

What 'high morals and values' are you talking about?

[sir sirloin]

High morals and values usually translates to "has hangups about sex due to repressive upbringing"

[itsallgrand]

sssshhhh...that's not nice! lol.

 

But I am interested to hear what 'high morals and values' are exactly, according to sleepygirl . It could be a root or cause of fear/pickiness/etc.

[CluelessGuy321]

I'm the same as you. Except I'm a man who's never had a GF.

 

Here's my own rant:

 

 

 

 

So, if you're in the Los Angeles/Orange County area, let's meet up sometime. I also suffer from time constraints as I work near 70 hours a week.

We could have some coffee and talk about places we've travelled to or would like to travel to some day. Maybe go to the beach and see an otter or two.

[DN]

Negative attitude + overly high expectations + lack of initiative = loneliness.

[AwdreeHpburn]

DN is a the god of berevity - and succinctly accurate (in my opinion)

[Jennster]

Hi there....I was sort of in the same situation as you before I found my current boyfriend. I was 23 before I got together with him...and believe me...before that time I never had a real boyfriend of my own. There were guys I liked but for one reason or another the timing was off. I was told by my friends that I was picky...but I felt why settle? Sure there were many chances to hook up with other guys...but I wanted something more...that spark. My best friend was totally opposite of me...she got pregnant when she was 17 - had a miscarriage and then go pregnant again at 18. She was married at 21 and now has 2 kids and 2 stepkids - all before she was 24. I like to think I've learned from her mistakes. I was a virgin up until I started a relationship with my boyfriend. I was also friends with him for 4 years before I even thought about him in that special way.

 

So I totally understand where you're coming from - there were sooooo many times where I felt I was missing out on life - but looking back on it I am so glad I waited it out till I found the right person. I am now living with my boyfriend and I know we'll eventually get married and start a family...it was worth the wait. Good luck to you

[CluelessGuy321]

Negative attitude + overly high expectations + lack of initiative = loneliness.

 

 

sooooooooooo true

[Luke Skywalker]

What is your ethnicity? It has been said on another board that Black women, even with education and degrees, have a more difficult time finding a man, than Chinese, whites, or any other race. And, a slim well figured Black woman, is just slightly more up in value to prospective man than an overweight white woman.

 

I know this can stir up another controversy on itself, but I'm just curious.

[CluelessGuy321]

wait wait wait. It's 2 fold.

 

Black women and Asian men have been de-sexualized by the Western Media.

 

Asian Men usually portrayed as weak, geeky, and sexless. Black women are portrayed as low class and whorey except for the very light skinned/bright eyed ones.

 

I am an Asian American male with a decent sized member and a VERY VERY high sex drive. I think it's a good thing I'm a 25 year old virgin. If I had focused on pursuing women all these years, I'd probably be a father by now or something.

[Cute Band Rat]

You have a decent sized "MEMBER"? Prove it ...

[itsallgrand]

Negative attitude + overly high expectations + lack of initiative = loneliness.

 

First she can look at these variables, then play the race card (but why bother? does it change anything?)

[sir sirloin]

Negative attitude + overly high expectations + lack of initiative = loneliness.

Body type that deviates from the socially expected ideal (shorter man/rounder woman) + dysfunctional upbrining (no/bad examples of relationships) + above average intelligence = loneliness

[Spawn]

My attitude is, why date a guy if there is no chance of a long term relationship. I know you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, but I'm afraid of what happens when things don't work out. I don't want to get hurt and I definitely don't want to hurt somebody else...that is a huge fear of mine. I know people break up all the time and it is okay to go out on a couple dates with a person and then call it quits, but I still would feel badly about that. So why like a guy and then have one or both of us end up disappointed?

 

Read your post again....you will find the answer there itself.

 

A Relationship takes time, effort, patience, risks and lot of understanding.

 

Are you judging guys too soon here? The morals and values that you talk about, you are just setting up some levels for dating men, don't think about them so early, thats why you take it slow, get some time from your busy schedule to spent with your guy and try to understand him. It takes time really, but if you don't put in the effort then its not worth it.

 

Fearing about breakups, getting hurt and hurting someone else are all negative thinking.

 

But believe me being in love is worth all that risk, and everybody goes through their share of breakups.

 

Nobody is perfect!

[NotSoSlick]

Yeah just go for it the more you date the better for expeirence